Choose Your Spouse Wisely: The Key to a Lifetime of Happiness and Fulfillment

Someone once said, “The best MATH you can learn is how to calculate the future cost of present decisions”. Every decision has a futuristic cost. You are free to make your decisions but you are not free from the consequences of your decisions. An average man will make at least seven critical decisions before they enter the second half of their lives. These include: Relationship Decisions, Marital Decisions, Career Decisions, Academic Decisions, Ministry Decisions, Health Decisions and Faith based Decisions. Before you make that decision, have you calculated what it will cost you in the future? There are some relationship decisions that will cost you your peace of mind in the future! There are some career decisions that will give you a lot of money but will make you forfeit your inner fulfilment. There are some marital decisions that will short-circuit your future. There are some bitter health decisions that will keep you fit for the future.

My dear! Before you make that decision, be so sure that you put the future in perspective. Think about the BIG PICTURE, think about the FUTURE because that’s where you will be spending the rest of your life. Who you marry is a mental, financial and spiritual decision! The easiest way to become a casualty in life is to marry casually.

FINANCIAL DECISION: Who you marry is actually a financial decision! The decision of who you are going to marry will significantly affect your financial life and future. Your partner’s mind-set and philosophy about money matters a lot. Hear this: One of the most important financial decisions you will ever make is the person you marry. Getting married changes your financial life in profound ways. You can bankrupt your financial life just by marrying the wrong person. The ideology of your partner around money will either make or mar your financial life. It’s very important to have an understanding of how your spouse views money and how he/she was raised around money. Planning your financial future around a partner with a low level of financial intelligence can ruin your financial life. A financially intelligent spouse is an asset. A financially immature spouse is a liability. As a youth, don’t just only plan to build wealth, you must also plan to marry right.

Before you walk down the aisle, there are questions you may need to ask about your partner. “Were their parent’s frugal or big spenders?  Do they live on a budget?  Did their parents talk about money or was it a taboo subject?  What is your partner’s greatest fear with money? What assets, liabilities or debts are they bringing into the union?  All of these answers will go a long way into a marriage and how that partner treats money. Family finance is a requisite to the success of the family. The level of freedom, peace and tranquillity in a family is inextricably linked to good financial planning. It is very important that you see the choice of who to marry as a financial decision. Life would be much easier when a man has a financially strong woman to support him and vice versa.

And this isn’t just limited to marital relationships; it extends to your friendships as well. Surrounding yourself with people who don’t priorities discussions about money may not motivate you to take your financial matters seriously. Your choice of a life partner is also important. If you plan to get married, understand that marriage represents one of the most significant financial decisions you’ll ever make. It’s crucial to grasp your partner’s money personality and strive for a harmonious balance. Both of you might be inclined toward spending or giving, but there should also be someone who emphasizes saving and investing, to say the least. This equilibrium ensures that you don’t solely focus on spending or giving without a solid financial plan for your future.

Additionally, it’s vital to align your money values. Consider whether your potential partner leans towards borrowing for purchases or saving up for them. Marrying someone who frequently borrows may lead to a substantial portion of your income being dedicated to debt repayment. In short, nurture healthy financial relationships.

MENTAL HEALTH DECISION: Your marital life is linked to your mental health and the quality of your life depends on the quality of your mental health.  Marrying the wrong person can ruin your mental health and peace of mind. The best mental health decision you will ever make in life is to marry the right person. The choice of the person you will spend the rest of your life with is also a mental health decision. Your marital life will affect your mental health more than any other relationship.

Don’t get married to that person until you do what I will like to call ‘A mental Health Audit’ of your partner by scrutinizing these ten tendencies in them: Do they have entitlement mentality? Do they have victim mentality? Do they have manipulative mentality? Do they have fault-finding mentality? Do they have Negative mentality? Do they have possessive (I own you) mentality? Do they have narcissist mentality (Everything always revolve around them)? Do they have escapist mentality (Always looking for excuse and never taking responsibility for their actions)? Do they have insecure mentality (Do your partner feel threatened by your progress)? Do they have liability mentality (Seeing themselves as your burden and not as an asset)?

This approach must also guard your general relationships. There are some people that will ruin other people’s happiness just because they can’t find their own. Beware! There are Emotional Vampires that can suck serenity, optimism and tranquility out of others. Guard your mental health by staying clear of such people.

SPIRITUAL DECISION: The journey to destiny fulfilment will put a huge demand on your spiritual stamina and that of your spouse. Spirituality plays a vital role in marriage, providing a strong foundation for the relationship and deepening the connection between spouses. Shared spirituality encourages mutual support, encouragement, and accountability as both partners grow in their faith journey. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “And if one prevails against him, two shall withstand him, and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” When both spouses actively seek God and align their lives with His principles, they create a strong bond that can withstand the challenges and storms that may arise in their marriage.

Dear young ladies out there! Don’t base your evaluation of a man on just his financial stability. He can be financially stable but mentally bankrupt! There are many financially buoyant men out there that are mentally and emotionally bankrupt. They will fill your pocket but they will drain your energy in the process. Before you base your marital conclusion on his financial status, ensure you make findings on his emotional, mental, spiritual, and moral stability. Many ladies have died today simply because they married a man that filled their ‘financial bank’ but drained their ‘mental bank’!

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: “The second half of our lives is mostly used in paying the cost of the decisions made in the first half”-Gbenga Adebambo