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My Husband Is Sleeping With My Cousin. What Should I Do ?

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My Husband Is Sleeping With My Cousin. What Should I Do ?

my husband is sleeping with my cousin

April 7, 2012 – My Husband Is Sleeping With My Cousin. What Should I Do ?

This is question from a confused wife. Apparently her husband is having an intimate affair with her cousin. Please read her story below and give her your best suggestions. naijagists.com

My heart is very heavy as I write to you. I don’t know what to do or who to trust any longer. This world is not a place where you trust people, especially people close to you.

I am so disappointed and disillusioned. What should I do? My mother and younger sister are trying to shield me from the hurt and heartache as they have refused to tell me what they saw. But I heard everything they discussed. They thought I had slept, fortunately, I did not. I am yet to let them know I heard everything they discussed that fateful day, two weeks ago.

How do I handle this situation? What do I do with a husband I trusted so much? A man who is my world and love.One who I gave all the love in my heart, but decided to cheat on me with my cousin; someone who I equally trusted and I thought was the best thing that could have happened to me. I thought she was God sent. I saw her as the angel God sent to me to help during my trying period. I never knew she had other motives.

My husband and I met at the orientation camp when we went for youth service and started our relationship which later led to the altar. We waited on the Lord for the fruit of the womb for seven years after marriage. And when the blessing came, it was one ailment after the other during the first trimester of the pregnancy.It even led to my having to resign my appointment from the bank where I worked to take care of myself. I was not stable until I was about seven months and then there was no point going back to work.

Unfortunately, I fell ill again after I gave birth to my baby; a lovely baby girl. It was as if Temidayo, my daughter, knew the circumstances on the ground; she is really a peaceful and loving baby, never asking for much attention or giving any problem.

I stayed in the hospital for over three months. At a point, my baby was discharged to go home and my mother had to take her to her place. My husband at about that time was transferred to the Onitsha branch of his office. He works with a telecommunications company, so once in a while whenever he came home, he would go to my mother’s place because of Temidayo.

My cousin, Helen, my age group who had lived with us since she was 12 years old, was also on hand to help me.My mother, raised us like sisters and outsiders who are not family members would never know that we were not siblings. She raised us together. She would have got married before me, but her fiancée disappointed her few weeks before the wedding day as he ran away with a former girlfriend.

Her sorrow at that time was shared by every member of my family and we all stood by her to make sure that she stood on her feet again. I really don’t understand why she chose to pay me back this way.

While I was in the hospital, she stood by me and really helped in taking care of my daughter.

When I was discharged from the hospital, I had to go and stay at my mother’s place because I could not stay at home alone.

That same weekend, my husband came home and also decided to sleep at our house, because according to him, he had no one at home. I was very excited because I felt he really loved and cared about me. I never knew he had an agenda.

I had been sleeping in my mother’s room, but because my husband was going to stay for the night, my mother said we could sleep at the guest room. I went for a shower and got ready for bed in my mother’s room and by the time I went through my toilet routine, I became very tired and dozed off.

I didn’t know the time, but I guessed it was late. I felt my mother and younger sister crept into the room and they were talking in hushed tones. Initially, I thought, something happened to my baby, but I felt her beside me on the bed breathing. They kept glancing at me to confirm if I was sleeping.

Their attitude made me suspicious, so I pretended I was sleeping. I overheard them talking about Helen and my husband. What I heard shocked me; my mother caught Helen and my husband having sex on the terrace in our house.

It was very hot that night and our generator was bad, so they could not put it on. They all went on the terrace to enjoy fresh air. My mummy and sister came down to take care of Temidayo, leaving Helen and my husband.

Mummy said she thought they must have gone into their various rooms and left the door unlocked. She wanted to lock the door so that she could wake me to go and sleep in the guest room with my husband.

On a second thought, she wanted to double check, she climbed the staircase, lo and behold, she caught them right in the act. They were so engrossed in the act that they did not see her coming. She also listened to their conversation; it was there that she learnt that they had been doing this for some time now, even before I was discharged from the hospital. She did not keep quiet; she ensured that they saw her by calling their names and confronted them with all she had heard.

They, however, pleaded that she should not tell me what she saw and heard. This was very overwhelming to her, that she needed to tell someone.

I was too shocked to react, there and then. I however refused to go and share the bed with my husband that night. He also did not force me. He came to ask and I refused. My mother, didn’t even speak with him.

I was too shocked and sad to discuss this with anybody. My mother and sister haven’t told me either. They have been treating me with extra care since then. Helen however did not know that I was aware of the whole saga. I noticed she has been avoiding my mother too and whenever she is with me, with my mum’s absence she tries to be extra nice.

My Husband has Been Seeing Another Woman For 3 Years & Has A Child With Her

She would bring different gifts on her way from the office. But I can’t continue to pretend I did not hear or know what happened.

Please, what should I do? I can’t stand my cousin any more. I can’t continue to pretend to my husband any longer and I want to relieve my mother and sister of the burden. What should I do?

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42 Comments

42 Comments

  1. fortunate

    April 7, 2012 at 6:41 PM

    it is very unfortunate,but i ll advice u 2 ease evry 1(ur mum&sis) let hm know dat u know every tin dat has been going on betwen hm n ur coursin,but i ll wil also advice u 2 do dat in a matured way,n nt by fightin any 1.am sure by doin dat God wil turch his heart n he wil repent

    • samuel

      April 13, 2012 at 12:23 PM

      nobody needs his repentance.

      • Tina

        June 29, 2012 at 1:46 PM

        U nver can say

    • Ani

      May 1, 2012 at 5:29 PM

      Or better still, do it in hotels

  2. Emmanuel, E

    April 7, 2012 at 9:30 PM

    by midnight wake him up and ask him of your offence or if you have never been satifying him on bed while making sex that made him to go after your cousin or if you are not prety enough for him again?
    But as for your cousin made her know that you knew the afairs of your husband and her that you don’t any longer welcome her stay any more, all this words should be in a polite manner

  3. odey

    April 8, 2012 at 6:59 AM

    u are not close to ur husband u dont care for him and ur cousin cares. its like that with some women like u who feel at all we are married. get close to ur husband and recheck again what u did dat killed his love for u. i use to tell women that NAGGING is the evil with them. are u nagging, he married u slim now are u fat?

    • Adeola

      June 6, 2012 at 11:05 AM

      If u don’t know wat 2 say u beta keep quiet ‘n let her listen 2 good sugestion

  4. femi

    April 8, 2012 at 12:29 PM

    well its very unfortunate, its ur own side of d story we heard, never d less u have to be polite handling dis issue, forgive them, amend ur ways and cary on. I hope u are not the kind of woman dat deprive ur husband from sex giving flimsy excuses. Worst than this has happened and they stil stay happily, afterall she is just ur cousin not ur sister, what would u do if she was ur sister of same parent.

  5. Asime Somiari

    April 8, 2012 at 5:15 PM

    Wat u shld do 1st is to kneel dwn and pray to God for his wisdom,ask God to direct u d rite way to follow up this issue.Do nt react stupidly,bcus if u do,ur cousin or husband might kill u spiritually.Both from nw be carefull wit ur cousin,dnt tk any drink or food from her to eat or drink.The Lord is your strenght.

  6. Soaring

    April 9, 2012 at 12:52 AM

    Please pray and ask God for wisdom in handling this situation but it needs to be brought to the fore front. I will not judge you like others who clearly did not read and saw the fact that you were ill and it was not necessarily a case of you withholding from your spouse. I am not one to kick someone when they are already feeling down. This is a major betrayal you have encountered and I know you must be hurting deeply. When you are well enough deal with this issue before a wise Christian well balanced counselor because some people add injury to hurting people and don’t give helpful advice. Right now you need sound encouragement and healing not insults like what I see posted here.

  7. Emma

    April 9, 2012 at 7:38 AM

    Jst fast nd pray 2 God. Dere is ntn God cnt do, he is d author nd finisher of ur case. Afta dat let dm knw wat u knw abt dm. Jst b kiaful God is in cntrl, he’l tak ova ur case in d rightful way. Bt jst b kiaful.

  8. Olusanya

    April 9, 2012 at 8:53 AM

    What you ave to do is to endure,don’t make attempt 2 leave ur husband,the fault may cum frm u,and call dat ur stupid cousin tell her 2 leave ur husband,report her to your family…but do everything in normal way…

  9. Ekong

    April 9, 2012 at 11:30 AM

    I may say.. Is rather a pity and unfortunate. But it has happened. Just pray to God and try to forgive ur husband as much as u could though is hard. See it as if he was unable to held up himself wen u were sick. See it as temptation trying to seperate 2 of you. For ur causin… I have have ONLY A WORD……. CAUTION! CAUTION!! And CAUTION!!!:

  10. st.esiri

    April 9, 2012 at 12:24 PM

    U just did rite by letin ur problm out its a very hurtn 1. Go 2ur pastor n let him knw whtsup its xpect dt u get relief 4rm dia.. I pray God gv u strnth 2tke it

  11. sonni

    April 10, 2012 at 12:05 AM

    It’s painful, I know. A number of mistakes may have been made. First u’ve brought almost ur family into ur marriage! It doesn’t matter they wanted to help, ur mum or his cud have moved in wit u to help u out. Secondly, never allow an unmarried young girl or man to live wit u, anything can happen! Extremely very few are disciplined to that extent!

  12. OGBESCO

    April 10, 2012 at 7:08 AM

    Let it known to your coursin,husband and ur sister about ur knowledge of the urgly and unfortunate incidence. But don’t harsh in going about it. Because, ur husband is prone to womanizing. MAY GOD inject CaLM to the issue! AMEN

  13. solomon esiri

    April 10, 2012 at 8:19 AM

    pls just 4give them n continue wit ur happy family.

  14. Emmarion

    April 10, 2012 at 3:09 PM

    Pray to God let him give u divine direction to handle the situation.it has happen all u need do is to find a solution to the case,just call your husband and let him know you know the secret between him and your cousine ask him if and only if you have offended him for you to deserve all that from him or you have not been satisfying him one way or the other he should just let you know.As for your cousine let her also know what’s going on between she and your husband.just be careful with her because you ladys can do and undo when it comes to things of relationship.

  15. Network2

    April 11, 2012 at 1:44 PM

    Hi Sister
    Greetings from the Lord.
    Your case is very easy to solve.
    Since you are a Nigerian, you are blessed.
    God has blessed you Country with so many real Prophets of God.
    All u have to do is, go and see Prophet T.B. Joshua or Prophet Chris Okafor or Prophet Johnson Sulleman.
    These three Prophets are the ones God has ordained to solve your problems.
    I am a foreigner writing to you from Namibia.
    Go and see one of these Prophets and the problem you are experiencing will
    be something of the past.
    For example, Prophet T.B. Joshua will assist your cousin to find her own husband, leaving you in peace to enjoy your marriage.
    I hope to hear from you soon, how God has resolved your situation.
    The devil wants to destroy your marriage. So go and see Prophet T.B. Joshua, he is God’s anointed servant. He will pray for your cousin to find her own husband.

    • Tina

      June 29, 2012 at 1:37 PM

      Hw com u ar in Namibia & know all these Nigerian Prophets u hv mention,May God open ur eyes is all i hv to say.

  16. isioma

    April 11, 2012 at 2:10 PM

    Am so sorry for what you are going through now, it hurts but all the same, there is nothing one can do .
    Am a married young lady like you, if i were in your shoes, i will first of all commit this situation on to God ask for his special intervention and after which, talk to your husband in a very matured turn to really understand the things you don,t do for him that probably your cousin does for him so you can amend then finally, you have to confront your so called cousin and after which, avoid her cause she is dangerous.

  17. Unyime Monday

    April 13, 2012 at 1:10 PM

    Instead of killing urself, just ease urself with them & move on with life to prove to them that u know evrything.

  18. Lanre

    April 14, 2012 at 10:39 AM

    Am sorry 4 u,it so painful pls go n pray 2 ur god 2 lead u 2ru. Bco wat happen is beyoung human knowledge 2 solve.even if u n ur family find solution 2 it u dont know wat wil b d result 2morrow. Cos dat ur cousin can kill u jos b smart n u should try 2 satisfy ur husband, with dat u can av a hapi home.

  19. Lawal kayode mutiu

    April 16, 2012 at 1:48 PM

    Narrate the whole story to your spiritual leader (pastor or imam) and asked him to intervene by calling the concerned people and use words of God to settle it. Henceforth,dont leave your husband for a second,probably moving with him to his new location(place of work). I pray that God will fight for you.

  20. OBINNA

    April 16, 2012 at 5:56 PM

    It is quite unfortunate just commit this problem to the Almighty GOD in prayers let him intervene in the situation and later on call your husband and find out from him your deficiencies that your cousin has in a very polite way so that you can amend them

  21. musa

    April 19, 2012 at 7:26 AM

    let dem knw dat u knw everytin.

  22. chetam

    April 19, 2012 at 1:17 PM

    she should let them know that she knows about everthing.

  23. PEACE

    April 19, 2012 at 5:45 PM

    Dear sister i cry 4 u, but rember d ill dat lead u 2 hptal was d plan of d devil 2 dstry ur marriage, let ur husband $ ur cousin know about it $ kick dat cousin of urs out of ur home $ fgive ur husband rmber ur child also d promise ur made in d alter 4 beter 4 worst til death do part ,don`t alow d hypocrisy cousin of urs to destroy ur marriage bcs a bad girl is worse whn she pretends to be saint. may God be ur strenght.

  24. Beesee

    April 19, 2012 at 9:43 PM

    Jazz them!

  25. Nanshuwan VP

    May 7, 2012 at 4:52 PM

    My dear sis, ur conditn is uncall 4. U nid 2b rooted in prayer 4God 2lid u ryt in approachin ur husband on d 1st promise he made dat led 2d altar. Ur cousin had rily betrayed u nd mortgage d privilege @hand 4d devil 2use her. Two wrongs cn’t mek right. Learn hw 2resolv it wt calm mind nd God wl grant u victory. Devil is a liar

  26. Hyeladi U Durkwa

    May 9, 2012 at 2:12 PM

    My sister i’ll advice u 2 let dm knw dat u knw wat waz going on but b mature enough dnt offend anybody stil allow ur cousin 2 leave wit dnt snd ha away jst b watching and continue 2 b faithful & prayerful God wil interceed on ur bhalf.GOD BLESS YOU

  27. anonymous

    May 17, 2012 at 2:19 PM

    Dear sister, now is when you need God the most cos only Him can comfort your soul at a time like this. Go to Him in prayers, ask Him to guide you on which steps to take. Afterall, we are all human, all we can do is say the little we know but you need the infinite teacher to help you now. I pray you find lasting peace after resolving this dilemma. God’s help is yours, all you can do is ask. Bless you.

  28. Eze

    May 17, 2012 at 9:07 PM

    D truth is that u are nt his one and only wife. He has wives outside of u. B4 ur heart breaks off. Seperate from him. He is dangerous. He could contact hiv, or any disease, u knw what i mean. A child of God is nt bound by anythng. Gods blessings does nt add sorrow. Pray 4 him outside ur matrimonial home. U cant die nw.

  29. Adekunle salawu

    May 18, 2012 at 12:18 PM

    @Eze,exactly coz ds man ar dangerous nd ya lyf is in danger so u must b very very careful,HIV is real ooo nd ds gal(cousin)whteva u sow u shall reap

  30. AIKHUEGBE.DOUGLAS

    May 21, 2012 at 10:37 PM

    just.try.and.make.peace.wit.ur.husband.in.a.mature.way..as.for.ur.cousin,let.her.go.away…dont.u.ever.bring.ur.family.people.into.ur.house.again..cos.dey.are.dangerous

  31. Dom

    May 22, 2012 at 11:20 AM

    I think u shd sit ur husband down and tell him how bad u feel, same as ur cousin den sit the two of them together with ur mum and sister (and if need be, ur pastor/Rev Fr) to tell dem how betrayed u feel and have dem appologise and then forgive dem all. Pls try and forgive dem all because dat is your debt in ds case, u must just forgive and let him have ur love completely again. This is just a minute fraction of how we offend God always yet He still loves us.
    When u are done with ds, u need to get closer to ur husband dan ever before.
    Concerning d oda woman who bore a child for ur husband, don’t quarrel with her and if u have any opportunity to help dat child, do so but be wise with her so as not to allow urself get harm by her but don’t think evil about her either.
    Pls pray hard, d Lord is ur strength.

  32. Dan

    June 25, 2012 at 9:39 AM

    First of all, let ur husband go 4 hiv test then call the attention of ur husband to determine the truth since u did not catch them with the act it was just rumours after let him take an oath in the court never to indulge in such ridiculous action again and then stay with him at where he is working then pay good attention to him, it is not easy to handle men in terms of sex especially if he is alone also learn to communicate with him time to time through phone if he is away from u, at a delicate time of the night.it’s obvious that he is a womaniser but there’s a solution to such category the solution is closeness in other to confuse his adulterous intention lastly shun your cousine but if she apologise 4/give her and beware of her, and ur husband first illegal wife first illegal wife, and blame ur mum for hiding the case from u then stick to ur husband pet him always dress smart promise him love everyday, practice long communication with him in the night scratch his back make him feel love and hot, if u are in lactation period give him orgasm romance b/4 he wake up in the morning.

  33. Tina

    June 29, 2012 at 1:42 PM

    Act in wisdom,its nt evry advices u wud follow rilly.As much as u ar hurt & bitter,ur words may sound so,in all,stay put in ur marriage & dnt giv d devil any chance.Takia

  34. Nduka Augustina E.

    July 4, 2012 at 10:20 AM

    Just trust in d lord, He’l direct & comfort u.

  35. Jibril yusuf

    July 6, 2012 at 2:41 PM

    well you are the One who couse all the problem.your husband came to your home why didn’t you come and sleeping with him? But you leaved him alone without care for him. What i tell you, you decieved your husband and also cheat him. I don’t like marry woman like you those who can’t care for their husbands. Go fight youself.

  36. Lauretta Gomez

    July 19, 2012 at 6:01 PM

    Jibril Yusuf, you have no heart and not emotionlly stable to drop an advise here.

  37. bunmi

    July 23, 2012 at 4:52 AM

    First & foremost go to d lord in prayers & then call all involved togeda in a meeting wit ur pastor. Present there & then say wateva is on ur mind wit d spirit of God guiding u, then if u av added weight try & loose dem & then go on diet bcos dis c2atn has to be dealt wit spiritually & physically by u stayin in shape then improve in ur sex life wit him but first mk sure ur husband goes for an hiv test to be sure he is nt + pls dnt sleep wit him witout condom for d nxt 6mnts till u are sure of his status. As for ur cousin God wil judge her & pls if possible she shld leave ur parents house bcos she is dangerous! Wat makes u think ur illness all d while was ordinary. Pls get my email & try & contact me if u need more help

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