March 18, 2015 – 50 Funny Reasons Why Nigeria Will Not Split, Divide Or Breakup In 2015 #UNITEDBEYOND2015
Nostradamus had referred to Nigeria when he talked about the rising of a prince at the trigger of a gun. The world will never be the same without one nation at the centre of Africa with a gargantuan population of over 200 million people. For those who prophesy dooms day, we will be missing quite a lot about this country if it fails to exist beyond 2015. There’s quite a lot we may never be opportune to laugh about and so much too the world may never be opportune to see.
If there is one country that can never solve her power needs, that country is Nigeria. Our inability to produce enough electricity for our homes and offices has being more than a uniting factor. You may be wondering how. It’s often great to hear people shout “up NEPA” in unison with dancing and hooting following the shout like a football match has being won. Nigerians defy their differences, even neighbors who don’t speak to each other, will herald the welcome of electric power with vehement tenacity.
It’s only in Nigeria that people brag about where they have travelled to even if they haven’t gotten anywhere. There is huge chance you will hear someone say, I’ve stayed in almost every state in Nigeria just to prove a point that he knows what he is saying and can be an authority. Often, it’s not always true.
Nigerians want to stay all over Nigeria even if it only happens in dreams.
Nigeria is home to the world’s fairly used items. We even have our posh name for them, “tokunbo”. Without Nigeria, there will be no store house for used machinery. We don’t like brand new items, we love them better when they have being used and disused in Europe and America. Europe and America will do all they can to keep Nigeria one.
In Nigeria, titles come first. The average Nigerian naturally has his gaze set at one traditional title early in life and will defend himself for the title once he gets it. It is an entwined attribute that sparks immediately some lucre touches hands. Nigerians will naturally call you chief once you can spare a few thousands to a few young lads and throw a feasting birthday to mark your incorrect birthday. To whom will the titles Obi, Obong, Oba, GCFR, GCON, CON, SAN etc. be given if the nation breaks into parts. Those who already hold these titles still want to keep them. Nigeria will remain one so that our titles will still be there to aim at and to keep.
Big brother is a common political parlance for Nigeria’s population and resources. Nigerians like position. An elder wouldn’t tolerate the rise of a younger one. The very fact that Nigeria has decided he is a big African brother is enough to keep him fighting for that big brother position. That means, he will do everything to ensure he remains at that position. That everything means remaining Nigerians.
Nigerians are generally a people who lack knowledge of their history. There are varying cock and bull legends of descent that one cannot tell with certainty where the groups in Nigeria are from. It is common for one to hear; our ancestor arrived from Egypt, Israel, Ethiopia or came down from Heaven. He had seven sons. The legends of almost all ethnic divisons carry similar storyline. This confusion of identity will ensure Nigerians find their identity at being Nigerians.
In Nigeria, traveling out of the country means you are well to do even if you had to go in a container without documents. It is a natural tendency for Nigerians to prove they’ve being outside the country by their Americanizing of voice accent and putting on blinks even if they had to cross over the border into Benin republic. Its good international Nigerians have Nigeria to return to where they can show off their latest accents and cheap fairly used chains. Because of them, Nigeria will remain one.
Nigerians like to brag about Nigerians even if we are not in any way affected by them. We checkout for a Nigerian or Nigerian institution on any international list and query why a Nigerian national or institution isn’t in the list, even when they are not qualified. We have this strong tendency to take sides on our Nigerians who are doing well even if other nationals do better. You would hear statements like Enyeama should have won the African footballer of the year ahead of Yaya Toure. Who will defend Nigerians if we don’t have Nigeria?
Nigeria is world copying capital. We don’t like original things. We love to repeat what has being done in foreign land. We will often make compares between our land and say the United States or Europe. If it’s possible, we could have the entire world in Nigeria. We often get angry with ourselves for not catching up with the best of the world. If Nigeria does not exist, which country will we have to compare with America and Europe and bring the world to? None, so Nigeria will remain one for good compare.
Nigeria produces the greatest number of pastors in the world. It’s a normal Nigerian spirit to do spiritual things in big ways. We have some of the biggest congregations in the world and our pastors have mega churches in Europe, Asia and America. The world knows Nigeria is Christianity’s capital with millions of missionaries scattered across the world. Who will sponsor God’s missionary duties to the world if there is no Nigeria? Non. Nigerian pastors will pray all they can to keep Nigeria one.
Anyone who has to do anything in Nigeria has to do it in a big way and expect fast profit. The Nigerian mentality is “God must bless your hustle immediately.” Nigerians are generally inpatient. They want fast result. If you think you need results fast, get a Nigerian to head your marketing department and give him a strange timeline.
Nigerians are known to succeed in very difficult situations because of a system called the Naija way. The system isn’t at all defined but it flows in the blood stream of every Nigerian. The world will miss the Naija system if Nigeria divides, a situation many multinational companies won’t allow.
Nigerians love freebies. Well, it’s a culture here to have things for free or almost free. The average Nigerian can get anything at the best bargain and often at the loss of the seller. Mouths are always sugar coated that the seller often sells the product before realizing that he has sold it at a loss. The system being applied is yet to become a global law. The world will miss this new law if Nigeria divides.
Nigeria boasts of some of Africa’s most famous stand up comedians. We love to laugh and God has blessed us with a plethora of laughing machines to feed us with laughter. We export comedy to the world like we were born to laugh and some even say we are the happiest people in the world. Could there be better laughers elsewhere? How about our comedians? Is there chance there may be better comedians outside here? No. The world is aware Nigerians are gifted laughing machines and they would do all they can do to keep the laughing nation.
Only Nigerians understand Nigerians. No one trusts anybody. Nigerians often look suspiciously at their fellow Nigerians and will make promises cheek in mouth. Truth is often relative and can change in the direction of lucre. Even brothers of the same ideology find it hard to agree. It will take unity to divide Nigeria and this unity can never arrive when no one trusts anybody.
America and Europe cannot divide Nigeria. Nigerians know how to unite against external enemies. They have proved it with Ebola and Bokoharam. They often find it difficult though to unite for the benefit of themselves.
When a game of football is being played by black men on green jerseys, Nigerians often assume the players are Nigerians. We love football and quarrelling neighbors will give up their quarrel over a game of football, hug themselves over a goal, talk of how impressive the players had played and return to their quarrel immediately the game is over. As long as the game of football continues to involve Nigeria, forget about division.
What’s your own reasons why Nigeria will not divide?
[Article written By SAMUEL UFOT EKEKERE,twitter:@naijasoars, www.facebook.com/soarnaija, www.linkedin.com/naijasoars