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My Sister Plans To Marry A Man I Aborted For – Should I Tell Her ?

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Jan 30, 2013 – My Sister Plans To Marry A Man I Aborted For – Should I Tell Her ?

Dear Liberal readers, below is an unedited email received from a lady whose name has been withheld by request.

According to the email, her sister plans to marry a man that impregnated her a while back. She eventually had to terminate the pregnancy.

Please read the email below and give her your suggestions.

My name is Ama (not real name), a 30-year old single lady working in a bank in one of Nigeria’s famous cities. About three years ago, I had a brief affair with a good-looking man. He is two years older and works in an oil company. We actually met while I was in the marketing department of my organization.

Before long, we started seeing each other and even spent nights at each other’s place. I had great affection for him; he was a real gentleman with nice qualities. However, the relationship lasted only five months. It ended after I carried out abortion because according to him, he had no plans to settle down at that point. I felt used, dumped and couldn’t bear the pain any longer so I broke up.

After completion of her National Youth Service last year, my younger sister travelled out for a Master’s programme in the United Kingdom, same country my ex was transferred to from Lagos in 2011. He had informed me about the promotion and I wished him well. We keep in touch once in a while, although no feelings attached.

The shocker: My sister has always been telling me so many sweet things about her boyfriend and that she can’t wait for me to meet him. She obviously was in love…I was very happy for her because just like me, she had gone through so many heartbreaks.

In December, she sent pictures of her and a guy together at a friend’s birthday party. At first, I thought my eyes were deceiving me; it was my ex! I recognized him the second I saw his face. As if not enough, I got yet another shocker in the third week of January. She said my ex has proposed and that they are planning to get married later this year. Honestly, since hearing this news , I have been very uncomfortable.

Few days ago, I told my ex we needed to talk so he called. I expressed my fear and reservation of him courting my sibling considering our past. He said he already knows that I and his new love are related. That he found out after several conversations with my sister and also several pictures of us. He said he hasn’t said anything yet and that we should keep sealed lips, since we dated before they met in the UK. Initially I accepted his view but lately I have been miserable. I really wish to get this off my chest but at the same time I don’t want to hurt my kid sister.

I am mad at myself, I am mad at life. What should I do please?



  1. dikko

    January 30, 2013 at 2:25 PM

    admi dis 2 our master jesus.

  2. Tina

    January 30, 2013 at 2:26 PM

    I feel you shud let ur sister knw wht had happend b/w u & dis same man in d past.But if she feels he’s still d rite man 4 her,leave her thn to her fate.

  3. james

    January 30, 2013 at 2:33 PM

    please open up now to your sister before it get late,
    how will you feel if your sister discover before you?

  4. Oluwatomisin Elizabeth

    January 30, 2013 at 2:51 PM

    Just let your sister be aware of that, bcos there is not hidden that will not be exposed one day. Besides, forget about your ex-boyfriend, put everything behind you, believing that nothing happened at all. Don’t let your mind go there that you have dated before. Because you might not like it when you are seeing the two of them together. Forget everything and forge ahead.

  5. Jossy Dominion Owule

    January 30, 2013 at 4:49 PM

    I think she have to open up to her sister but at first, she have to discuss it with her ex-boyfriend. She confessed that the man in question is a nice guy, so i think should tell her sister with a polite and encourageble way so she don’t end up breaking her sister’s heart too.
    The issue here is that they are meant to be, forget about what happened and forge ahead with your life.

  6. Platinum

    January 30, 2013 at 5:33 PM

    This is ridiculous , the guy knows that he has slept with 2 sisters nd yet he ask u to keep mute ,u need to tell ur sister and let her decide if she is comfortable to live with her sister ex-boyfriend whom u have aborted for ,nd also what kind of eye do u want ur own husband or future husband to be using to watch u nd ur sister ,it’s not polite nd I’m very sure that the holy book will not support that ,tell ur sister nd hear her opinion ,there no any heart breaking here ,she will finds a better man .

  7. Easy

    January 31, 2013 at 8:00 AM

    Let your sister be aware of it. The reason is that, sooner or later she will get to know about it, and you will be blamed for keeping quiet. Do not mind whatever your sister might think or say, just let her be aware. The man in question will soon brake your sister’s heart.

  8. Magdo

    January 31, 2013 at 1:41 PM

    Pls,it wasn’t ur own ,what if u open up to her, and dat guy was ment for her

  9. Victor Happiness

    January 31, 2013 at 2:18 PM

    The best tin to do is to confide in ur mum let her advise u on how to go abt it, u’l hav prblm wt ur sister if she nt spiritualy minded b careful how u go abt it. she needs to knw al d same.

  10. osvalda

    February 1, 2013 at 11:13 AM

    holly ghost fire!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111,tell her the truth n let her decide
    whether to go on.That guy is shameless,how will you look at him in the first place?

  11. Chimezie

    February 4, 2013 at 8:27 AM

    Well if i were to be u, i will take hat nd i will continuously praying to God to deliver me nd gv me my rite partner

  12. Folux

    February 6, 2013 at 8:46 AM

    Sleeping with two sisters is incest and unBiblical. Are there no other families to marry from after breaking up with the first sister?

    Please tell your mother first and then tell your sister before they marry. Let her decide whether to marry him. If you do not tell her and she hears elsewhere,she will hate you for life,especially if he sleeps with their daughter. Such a man is not to be trusted.

  13. Emmanuel

    February 14, 2013 at 7:32 AM

    Inform ur sista wot has happend between u n dat guy b4 he take any decision

  14. Adebanjo s

    February 14, 2013 at 9:19 AM

    There is nothing new under the sun.Notify your sister and allow them to marry

  15. Belinda

    February 14, 2013 at 1:42 PM

    Please go ahead and tell your kid Sis, then see what happens. If they were meant to be together for sure they will, just do your part as a loving & caring Sis.

  16. Ebenald

    February 16, 2013 at 8:17 AM

    I think your sister know him when you people are dating yourselfs or you didn’t inform your sister who you’re going out with at all.

  17. Benita

    February 18, 2013 at 6:31 PM

    U need 2 tell her b4 it get out of hand or wil u be happy 2 hear dat someone outside tel her.pls if u do luv her do it in d sake of luv nd god.

  18. Dan

    February 20, 2013 at 12:48 PM

    lady, what ever you want to do should be done in time,if you plan to speak out then do that NOW, if you intend to mute then forever it shall be. so, SHUT UP FOREVER, OR SPEAK OUT NOW.

  19. Kabiru

    February 22, 2013 at 9:20 AM

    Let your sister knw about wat happen in the pass it may be a lesson 4 ur sister,

  20. Jessica Terdoo

    February 22, 2013 at 7:11 PM

    My dia,beta tell ur sister nw b4 wen she gets 2 kw,she wil think u both still hv sumtin goin on

  21. oguche blessing

    February 25, 2013 at 1:18 PM

    Let by- gone be by- gone as long as he is the right person for her why are we human beings then if we don’t learn how to keep secret and odd-doings of the past no matter how painful the may be eg,can u tell your husband that your first boyfriend kissed and romanced u, its not possible…………

  22. Faith

    March 4, 2013 at 4:01 PM

    My dear is beta u tet her no b4 it may be too lateoooo

  23. Bob

    March 9, 2013 at 6:19 AM

    Do not use your past fun to destroy your sister happiness forget it .

  24. Stephnie

    April 7, 2013 at 2:54 PM

    Honey please let ur sister knw b4 they get married tell her how everything happened dn’t keep any thing away,after dat u will be completely free.

  25. Okey

    April 10, 2013 at 11:02 AM

    I advise u open up and let ur sister know what transpired between both of u. The earlier you do it the better for you.

  26. Danny

    June 23, 2013 at 12:37 AM

    The fault is never really that of the guy. He simply wasnt ready when it happened between you both. At least u also confirmed he is a perfect gentleman, perhaps he is eventually ready now. Pls. Do nothing to impede this union.

  27. Ifeoma

    July 8, 2013 at 6:17 PM

    Ma dearest open up 2 ur sister in a polite way,dnt let her feel ur jealous or sumtin….it il do her more gud than harm

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