Sept 11, 2012 – How Do I Tell My Fiance I Have A Child With Another Man?
I have so much burdens on my heart as my marriage approaches. I want to use this medium to seek your inputs hopefully it will lift my burden a bit.
I’m in a pool of mess right now and my conscience is not letting me rest.
I plan to have my marriage in October, 2012.
It all started when I was in the Secondary school, that was 9 years ago, 2003 to be précised. Then, I was in my SS2 when I had this guy as a boy friend. He was only posted to my school as a youth corps member. The mentality then was that every happening girl must date a corps member. We used to call them “Corpers”. I was lucky to have had one. One thing I envied then about the relationship was the fact that he lived in my school quarters, so I always had easy access to him after classes. At least not even the school gatemen could suspect anything as I was one of the brightest students in class, coupled with my status as the school SP.
What appeared so sweet at the beginning turned sour at the 6th month of the guy’s service year in my school; I remember now, yes… it was during my mock examination, one event that will always make me remember the exact date. I wasn’t bleeding, no! I mean I just stopped menstruating for a whole month, and it became a source of worry to both me and Jo…sorry, I said I won’t call the name. I had gone melancholic with no hope at sight. I had visited one quack doctor around the school for a pregnancy test, and it was confirmed that I was pregnant.
That day…that day, I just can’t imagine. I wanted the ground to open its mouth so I could vamoose into it. I was given possible options; it’s either you come for an abortion or keep the child” the doctor had said in the most sarcastic manner. I can still see his face in the realm of my imagination. It was a battle of the mind. My mind was not only troubled but bleeding. I could imagine how the blood was pumping; my arteries and veins were terribly overworked. I couldn’t share my trouble with anybody. My “corper’ friend had advised we get rid of what he called the bastard, but just before then, a girl died from the same chemist, carrying out the same act.
I couldn’t go with that choice, I was dead-confused. When it was two months, the whole sign was beginning to show in my body, and my parents confronted me. I disclosed to them. However, my wicked boy friend denied… yes, he left me standing alone, face to face with shame. My parents took things easy with him. They didn’t want to be too hard on him as they believed he was going to realize himself. I stopped going to school, because of shame. In the third months of my pregnancy, he had completed his NYSC and left my school. All I knew about him was that he came from Ikem in Anambra state. But he left and never bothered to come back. I later traced him to the village, and I was humiliated by his family members who called me names, they called me prostitutes.
The day I left that village, I promised I will never go back again, and also resolved that he will never have that child if by God’s grace, I deliver safely. I had my baby after 9 months of pregnancy like every other woman. I had to stay back at home for 2 extra years, before my parents allowed me to go back to school. Since then, I was able to complete even my University education, and presently working in one of the new generation banks in….sorry, I won’t let you know where, but my child is with my parents. He is 8 now.
The crux of the matter and the most disturbing aspect of my story is that I met one guy in the bank who picked interest in me and has since proposed to get married to me. We have been dating since last year, and a date has already been fixed for our marriage. As I write this note, I have less than four weeks to either walk down the aisle or have this plan crashed. The problem is that I have never told this guy that I have a child from another man. Please, I need your advice…it is very important to me.
Do I disclose to my fiancé or keep it hidden until after our marriage? What if I go ahead and he discovers later that I have a child? Won’t he file for divorce? I ‘m dead confused. I’m confused because I have disclosed the same thing to men that I have dated in the past, and they all left me.
Please HELP ME… I don’t want to lose this MAN!
Post from a concerned bride to be.
Please she needs your input.
Nancy Wakawa
September 11, 2012 at 7:40 PM
My sister there is not big deal about is better u tell him now than later cos if he trully love I dnt see dat has a problem.so go ahead nd tell nd if he walk away dat means u guys are not made to be.best of luck dear
katie
September 11, 2012 at 7:41 PM
Pls tell d guy if is ur real man n God’s purpose 4u n him. He wil not abondon u!! It is not a crime to ve child witout wedlock.
patrick
September 11, 2012 at 8:02 PM
All you have to do is tell him,jst find time 2 talk 2 him or let your mummy do d talking 4 you coz he wil not be hapi at all if he later discover especially if d child is a male.
Azubuike Azubuike
September 11, 2012 at 8:03 PM
My dear pray hard, and beliv God, go and meet him tok to him and be very honest wit him, dont let him 1st hear it frm pple be d 1st to present d issue 4 him and tell him its in ur past. And now ua a new person
Amos Ejedegba
September 11, 2012 at 8:09 PM
Its much better , you divulge the secret to the guy you intend to spend the rest of your life with.If really he cares and love you he will still go ahead with the marriage and love you more for been open.The earlier the better.
Amas
September 11, 2012 at 8:23 PM
Let d guy knows d truth. He will still loves u.
Amos Dickson
September 11, 2012 at 8:40 PM
Its much better , you divulge the secret to the guy you intend to spend the rest of your life with.If really he cares and love you he will still go ahead with the marriage and love you more for been open.The earlier the better
Aghahowa Thompson
September 11, 2012 at 9:16 PM
D truth might be bitter but u still hv a chioce 2 tell him all he needs 2 know.i pray 4 u dat as u reveal 2 him he'll not change his mind in jesus name.
Solomon
September 12, 2012 at 5:11 AM
Baby, u don fuckup meanwhile try & talk to the guy in the good manner. If is the will of God u people can also join together
Akinwumi Dolapo
September 12, 2012 at 10:42 AM
My sister is better to come out straight to him because if he find out himself it wont b funny.just confess to him b sincere wit him I bliv he ll accept u d way u r.
Precious
September 12, 2012 at 4:07 PM
I think you should tell him if he loves you he would accept you and your child
haywai
September 13, 2012 at 3:49 AM
danger is if you hide this truth from your husband-to-be until after your wedding, you might not loose him after finding out but you will end up locking the kid out of your life forever just the way your corper boyfriend had refused to acknowledge him and that will mean double tragedy for the innocent kid as your new man will never love him because of your decision to hide him (the kid) ab-initio, be plane but pray also. good luck.
Francisca Wanedong
September 13, 2012 at 1:12 PM
tell him the truth! it is a test for love; if he truly loves you he should accept you for who youbreally are.
Kenechi obidigbo
September 13, 2012 at 4:13 PM
Pls my dear u nid 2 tel hm a broken relationship is btr dan a broken marriage maybe by GOD’S grace he wil stil get married to u
Shiela mella
September 14, 2012 at 6:38 AM
Yea,jux tel im d truth…oda men might have left u cos of the child bt by God’s grace dis 1 would stay
Loveth jerry
September 20, 2012 at 9:29 AM
Babe, try n tell d guy now dan later. I knw it’ll hurt n he will be disappointed bt if he truelly luvs u, he’ll 4give
princess
October 2, 2012 at 12:13 PM
Babes,let me tell u dis from my own experience,u did not pass through one bit of what i went through,it is only a man who truly loves u that will walk down the aisle with you even after telling him your story.Open up to your man,tell him your past,if he truly loves u,he will accept you for who you are,i did it and my man loves me even more for telling him the truth.Would you rather he hears it from someone else,no,i don’t think that is what you want,so,do the right thing now,please pray before you do that.God is your strenght.
Agada James
October 12, 2012 at 6:12 AM
My sister my own advice for you is that if really he love you that will not cause anything to your marriage. But you in one condition that you have to tell him the truth. There is nothing to worry about.God bless you & your marriage ijnm.
Ge3e
October 22, 2012 at 7:57 PM
Disclose it to him 1st before any unpleasant thing happens,maybe he may choose b/n accepting or rejecting and don’t do anytin hurting plz b’coz he is going to know so play ur cards well.LET HIM KNOW…..
herby
October 24, 2012 at 3:24 PM
open up 2 him d earlier d better if he truly loves u d marriage will hold den if he is not ur man he will also walk away like d rest did
babafemi
December 9, 2012 at 6:02 PM
Why do u delay for so long, i am a young man too, no matter d love, if u don’t tell him now n he discovered later, u may not find it funny. If u tell him now, it will be so painful cos u kept such secret too long. Pray n tell him immediately. Ur son is ur future, even if d man divorce you, ur son remain ur source of happiness