August 30, 2012 – Going Out On A First Date? Questions To Ask
Many of us must have experienced this before — you were both introduced to each other by a friend either briefly or through a phone conversation. He asked you out on a date and you agreed to meet him up for dinner in a fancy restaurant over the weekend. He looks or sounds like someone interesting, so you decided to make an effort with your dressing for that date.
Looking really good in a simple gown that accentuates your curves and lovely shape, you walk into the restaurant to the admiration of your new date. When done with the pleasantries and compliments, you sit across this new person you’ve just met and gaze across to him with only a smile plastered to your face thinking of something clever to say and there it is: the dreaded awkward silence. You cannot think of a single thing to say!
Arm yourself with questions
To avoid these frustrating moments, it is important you arm yourself with questions in your head before heading out. There are good questions to ask on a first date that will help you get to know a person in a light-hearted and fun way. Being prepared with some interesting conversation starters will help you relax and focus on the fun of getting to know someone. On the other hand there are also questions you should never ask on a first date, unless you want your date to take a bolt the next time he sees you walk through a door! The goal of a first date should be to find out if you like the other person enough to go out again.
It shouldn’t be an interrogation. No one likes to feel like they’re in the hot seat answering the compulsory 15 questions of “Who wants to be a Millionaire” anchored by a pseudo Frank Edogho! The questions should be in a conversational style and not meant to make the other person feel tense. The best questions to ask on a first date should give you an idea of what a person likes to do for fun, basic information about family and friends and a little about what they do for work.
Be careful who you go out with
Moreover in these days of husbands killing their wives or girlfriends being murdered by their boyfriends just because of break-up in a relationship she is no longer comfortable with, as seen in the stories making rounds in our news media, a girl has to be more careful in choosing who she wants to start a relationship with in the first place.
I believe the problems we see in marriages these days all stem from the mistake of not asking the right questions about your partner from the very first day you got introduced. Questions help you to know whether this person sitting across to you is the kind of person you’ll like to have a serious relationship with. When you ask questions, remember, you aren’t looking for only the simple one line literal answer to the question. You are trying to provoke a conversation that lets the other person tell you about their self. In that spirit, remember to listen carefully, and ask follow up questions to keep the conversation flowing. Look at it as an opportunity to share common ideas, or even to give one another a friendly challenge. But do not try to compete or brag about your achievements. That would put you in a bad light before your date.
How compatible are you?
The questions you ask your date should be designed to expose compatibilities and in-compatibilities without being rude or annoying. Ask casual, easy questions that, if used properly, will give you a lot of information about the other person. Neutral open-ended questions are the key. Never ask: “what do you do for a living.
How much money do you make? What kind of car are you driving? Do you want to marry me or do you have a house on Victoria Garden City? Such questions will put the man off, thinking you are just a materialistic person who goes after ephemerals rather than lasting personality. The first date is not the place to do that. Questions like ‘’If you could have your dream life in five years, what would it look like? Or what kind of relationship are you looking for?’’ are open ended questions that will give you an insight into the world of your date quicker than a hundred other ones. The idea is to determine his personality and also gauge if he’s an aspiring person or not, not find out everything there is to know about that person in one swoop. If you’re paying attention, you can learn a lot about a person’s likes, dislikes, values and personality.
What are his perspectives?
Probe for more answers about his/her perspective or views in life since this can help you resolve if you’re willing to have a serious relationship with this person or not. It is important that you show your genuine interest in your date. And, always listen to what your date has to say. Most importantly, have fun, that’s the whole idea of going out in the first place! (article by Vanessa Okwara, [email protected])