How To Love Yourself More And Be Happy After Heartbreak & Disappointment…Coping During Lonely Times
I can vividly remember the day my first boyfriend broke up with me. It was as if my whole world crumbled. I mean, it was so difficult thinking about the love messages, flowers, dates- all of these were a joke. I was more like a confused little girl standing in the middle of the road with no clue where to head to. It was as though my heart was on fire. I was very much devastated. I’d cry myself to sleep every night hoping that everything was a dream and that I will wake up to find him smiling down at me. But on waking up, the reality dawns on me; he is gone and he was never going to come back.
That period of my life was the worse. It wasn’t easy moving on but I was left with no other choice than to move on. Here are some of the tips on how to regain yourself love which seemed to be washed away by the ugly heartbreak and disappointment you felt.
- Give yourself time to grieve;
It is totally okay to cry and punch the wall; never let anyone make you think otherwise. When I had a messy break up with my boyfriend, I cried like a baby. It was as if someone was continuously stabbing my heart over and over again. I don’t think words are enough to describe the pain I felt. I cry myself to sleep and wake up with tears in my eyes. I lost my appetite and had to cut off some people. I was indoors for two good weeks without seeing the rays of the sun. I kept replaying the love texts he ever sent to me; “I love you Ann. You are the best girl ever and I am not trading you for anything”; “You are the love of my life, always and forever”. Now the same person who sent those messages turned around to tell me, “I never really loved you that much sha”. The pain was just too much and I cried until my bowl of tears dried up.
If you are in this situation, have it at the back of your mind that it is definitely okay to grieve. Don’t suppress the emotion just because you want to be mature about the whole stuff. Crying does’t meake you weak, it is the first process you have to pass through if you want to heal completely. So cry as much as you can; talk to someone about your pain if you have to. With time, the pain will slowly fade away. So, give yourself time to grieve.
- Learn to let go;
Yes, I know it is actually easier said than done and I am not trying to be insensitive here. Remember I have walked in the same shoes before so I know where it hurts. But truth is, you have to learn how to let go. You can’t grieve forever; you can’t bring him back either so just try and position your mind in such a way that you gradually let everything go. The earlier you realize that he is not going to come back to you, the earlier you realize that it is more hurtful to keep holding on to the relationship.
- Don’t blame yourself;
It wasn’t your fault that they decided to be assholes and failed to fight for a relationship. They didn’t love you enough? It is not your fault either. So, stop blaming yourself. What we don’t get to understand is that love is not a feeling but a choice. When you are in a relationship, the chances of you meeting people who will make you fall out of love with your partner is very high but having met these people, you still choose to love your partner because you treasure them that much. They could have chosen to love you too but they didn’t which is totally not your fault. So stop blaming yourself that they didn’t make the right choice.
- Don’t turn to your bad habits as a means of escape;
Most of us in an attempt to escape the harsh reality facing us usually resort to our bad habits like drinking, getting drunk, smoking, etc. but the truth is, even though taking all those could temporary make the pain to cease, when it fades, the harsh reality you were running away from will still hit you again.
- Talk about your feelings with people;
It is highly advisable to talk about your feelings with friends who understand you. Discussing your feelings with someone else has a way of making you heal faster. Remember, a problem shares is a problem half solved. And even if you are not the kind of person that talks about sensitive things with people, you can decide to socialize more and not getting yourself locked up in your sitting room with self pity giving you a massage.
- Focus on the positive things you learnt from the relationship;
Yes, you may have been hurt. The pain must have been indescribable but surely, you must have learned one or two things from your past relationship. It might take some time to be in the right frame of mind before you are able to do this but with time, you will look back at the relationship and smile at the experience it gave you.
- It is time to love yourself to stupor;
Now, it is time to focus more on yourself and realize that you deserve better. Focus all your energy in trying to be a better person. Stop thinking about getting him back but focus more on the things you can do to become a better person. You can choose to learn a new craft; be better in school; create something. Few weeks after my boyfriend broke up with me, I finished my first novel. I channeled all the negative feeling I had and finished my first novel. It was an awesome feeling.
While you may be waking up through the ladder of self healing, you must definitely be faced with so much lonely times. In those moments, you could cope by;
- Watching a movie; you could make Netflix your new best friend.
- Reading a book.
- You could hang out with friends.
- Meditate often
- Be open to other relationships.
I hope you come to the realization that just because they fell out of love with you and broke up with you doesn’t mean there is nobody out there that will love you completely just the way you are.