How To Overcome Low Self Esteem In A Relationship Or Marriage
A relationship is a blissful experience if both partners can live together in harmony. To enjoy a relationship, there is need for understanding and communication between the persons involved. Many times, there are particular difficulties partners face as they interact. For instance, if both parties or one of them has a low self-esteem, it would be difficult to enjoy the relationship that exists. A self-doubting person may find him or herself unable to stand up to their spouse, or unnecessarily trying too hard to please them.Usually, such a person ends up being overly jealous and thus, too clingy.
Inferiority is in fact an individual problem, yet is very capable of ruining the relationships that couples share. This is mainly because individuals who can’t find confidence in their selves, in a bid to feel self-worth would be willing to go to any length to get approval from others. In cases where they don’t get the sought after approval they get hurt and start holding grudges against those that have criticised or even corrected them. This creates complications that may even get to destroy the very foundation on which the relationship is set. This happens more in marriages or relationships where the partner with low confidence is compelled to walk out of the relationship if they feel that they are not getting the much needed support, and most likely are getting it from some other person somewhere else.
A low self-esteemed partner is always insecure and as such, too dependent on their spouse. The other partner unconsciously hurts them and is fully unaware of the level of damage done. Since there is ignorance of such hurt, no improvement is made on the part of the partner, hence hatred, and in some cases clinginess, is bred. It is therefore important to combat inferiority complex as soon as it is realized. There is the option of couple therapy or an individual session. Solving low self-esteem as an individual is very important, and that is what this article is all about.
Learn to live in the moment
To overcome low self-esteem; you need to live in the moment. Low-self esteemed people usually spend time pondering on decisions and at the end of the day, most probably not have the courage to actually follow through with the decision. In this regard, rather than overanalysing a decision, it is advisable to just live in the moment. Instead of taking time to consider decisions that concern marriage, it is important to let go, and focus on the moment so that the right choice can be made. This is not suggesting irresponsibility in making decisions, but that you have to be less uptight.
Recognise your strengths and weaknesses
It is important to recognize both strong and weak points possessed. Recognition helps a person know the necessary steps they need to take for improvements. For instance, a woman who is insecure about her looks knows that she may have to work on looking more appealing. This does not indicate letting go of oneself just to please a partner. It rather shows readiness to work a little more on meeting up with the standard envisioned for self. Apart from recognizing your weaknesses, it is integral to identify the strengths that you have. For humans, it is usually easier identifying one’s own strengths than it is, highlighting strengths. These strengths when recognized, would help instilsome level of confidence. While combating inferiority complex, it is very important as a couple to be careful as to not compare your relationship with another’s as that only brings hurt and feelings of worthlessness.
Avoid needless comparison
As a person, you need to know what you are good at, while accepting that others have their strong and weak points too, hence, no need for comparison. Often blinded by the envisioned perfectness of other relationships, low-self esteemed persons habitually set standards or goals for themselves, based on the relationships they see around them. These goals are often unreasonable and unrealistic as they are only fragments of an outsider’s interpretations. Thus when they are unable to achieve them, a new surge of low self-esteem follows. To succeed in your relationship, you are to make goals that are feasible, and not based on assumption. Dreaming big is good, but you have to be wise not to allow pointlessly high expectations of a relationship destroy the one that you have.
Embrace the art of meditation
Meditation involves letting go of the negative thoughts that are in the mind, and accepting that those thoughts do not define a person. It is while mediating that a person discovers that their flaws do not define them. No person is perfect, and you sure are no exception. Awareness of your thoughts and choosing a response to them enables you take action and participate in the matters of your life. It is important for couples to communicate and discuss their fears and insecurities. Doing this enables them to connect and discover methods of solving an inferiority that may arise. It gives opportunity for one spouse to support the other.
Speak of your insecurities
Another thing that helps deal with low self-esteem is speaking up about them.The truth is that everyone has something they are not so good. It is not advisable to stay silent when your partner does things that hurt your feelings,just because you want their approval and do not want to get them annoyed or disturbed. Hiding of feelings would only create more rift between a couple since they wouldn’t be able to communicate with ease. Having low self-esteem can make expressing oneself difficult but you shouldn’t allow that become a barrier. Being assertive while communicating with one’s partner is also of quality importance as this can give you a platform to be able to honestly communicate your wants, needs, feelings and opinions.
A lot of times, inferior complexed persons allow themselves to be pushovers in their relationships. Going along with whatever the partner wants may seem an easier way of avoiding conflicts but it only leads to suppression of emotions that need to be shown. As a consequence, there is bitterness in the relationship when the unconfident person feels oppressed by their partner. In this regard, you must note that your needs are as important as your partner’s. It is therefore paramount to make your desires known to your partner.
To have a better relationship, it is essential that a person understands their partner. And to have a better understanding of someone else, a person has to understand himself first. This understanding helps you work on yourself. It helps to often reassure yourself from time to time. Dependence on a spouse for approval should be avoided and replaced with finding approval in one’s self. Having a low self-esteem is not really an individual’s fault. However, allowing it take control of yourself is a real problem. Therefore, don’t put yourself down, but be compassionate to yourself just as you are to others. It is necessary to allow yourself feel emotions and not incessantly berate yourself over it. Acknowledging that it is normal to have emotions is integral, but do not allow those emotions define you.
It is necessary that you avoid constantly seeking approval from your spouse. In truth getting approval from one’s spouse feels good and most brightening but the effects are quite temporary and you would need them again, till it becomes an addiction. It then begins to feel like a consistent battle of needing the approval of your spouse and when you don’t get them, what happens is that you get unnecessarily upset. It is necessary to remind yourself that even though approval from others is beautiful, the one you truly need is obtained from you appreciating yourself.
It is also important to be open- minded in a relationship. It’s possible that there is that fear of being left alone for not being adequate. The fear of being hurt and broken-hearted tend to cause a person to be so uptight and guarded that they are not fully in the relationship. Your attitude to life can destroy a relationship, as well as the fear of being abandoned. In fact, some persons walk out of potentially amazing relationships because they are afraid it would not go well. They leave early in order to ‘save their little pride’, only to end up in circles of relationships. It is necessary to let go of your fears and be willing to open up, and be honest with your partner.
Stop creating a storm
Another pitfall of having low self-esteem in a relationship is the feeling of insecurity and hence the quest to feel assured. Spouses have taken actions that are aimed towards testing their partners’ loyalty or love towards them. If you feel unloved or unwanted, you might begin to doubt the intentions of your spouse towards you, and the relationship or marriage that you share. This is unhealthy and is thus advised against as it only creates a strained atmosphere of distrust in the relationship, and if not handled properly can destroy the relationship. It is therefore of importance that you don’t adopt the tactic of testing your spouse. There are other ways of knowing whether or not they love you. By their actions, words and reactions during conversations, you can pick that up. In fact, being suspicious of them would most likely blind you, and you miss what should clearly have been observed.
Embrace corrections and compliments
One major problem faced by those with inferiority complex is the inability to handle criticisms or even loving corrections properly. It is important to realize that not every critic is an attack against your personality. It is true that getting corrected by a spouse could be hurtful and sometimes hurt your pride especially if presented negatively. However, regardless of the form in which criticism comes, be reminded that when you are corrected, people are only pinpointing to you, areas of your life that you need to work on. Hence, take criticisms, whether constructive or not, as a form of advice.
Apart from receiving criticism, a person needs to know how to receive compliments without doubting them. It is important to believe the positive things your partner says about you. If your partner suggests that you are beautiful, intelligent, and hardworking; believe it. Don’t go about disbelieving the wonderful things that have been said to you. It’s very likely that you haven’t noticed them in you but once you start believing them, you will find out that they are your nature. Eventually, your confidence is increased and it affects the way you relate with your spouse.
It is important to let your partner know about the specific struggles you faces and how their support is needed. Don’t be distracted by the fear of loss of respect. After all, Marriage is‘in sickness and in health’, and in time of weakness. You have to support each other to bring out the best so even as the confident one, you should encourage your significant other.