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How Do I Know If My Nigerian Man Is Married, Has A Wife Back Home – Jamaican Lady Asks NG

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How Do I Know If My Nigerian Man Is Married, Has A Wife Back Home – Jamaican Lady Asks NG

how to know nigerian man married wife back home

March 30, 2016 – How Do I Know If My Nigerian Boyfriend, Husband-To-Be Is Married, Has A Wife Back Home – Jamaican Lady Asks NG

Here is an unedited email received from a Jamaican woman based in the US.

She want to know how to find out if her Naija loverman is married.

Please read her email and give her your input.

“I met my Nigerian boyfriend in Manhattan last year August, since then he has become my breathing tube. I place my own life in his hand because he treats me like a Queen.

I have never loved like I love my boo, he is the one am living for. I thank God for the day I met him.

Please I read a story on your website a couple of minutes ago and something compelled me to ask you guys one question.

Please help me out, what is the best way to know if this caring guy I met has a wife back home.

He is 45 year old and he told he has never been married.

His middle name is Boboola, where is he from, is it possible for a Nigerian man of his age to only have a girlfriend in his life. He told me when we met last year that am his first girlfriend.

Please my mind is troubled, I want to know the truth. I don’t want to hurt no more.

My email address is ***********, your help will save me a lifetime of pain.



Over to you loyal readers. Please tell Jane your mind.



  1. Amazon

    March 30, 2016 at 4:35 PM

    One thing for sure is that the man can never tell u the exact truth about himself, is either he’s married or has children. Just find out where exactly he is from & then u can trace his family if u wish but all the same be careful

  2. Bukunmi Ilori

    March 30, 2016 at 4:43 PM

    Men are serial cheats by nature especially the African ones, you will do yourself a good thing by taking your time to marry the godly ones. These people have tendency to caution themselves but if you marry the party type, you are on your own

    Your question is a tough one but what I will tell u is this, get close to one of his friends and buidl friendship with them, over time they will leak his secret.

  3. Joyce Williams

    March 30, 2016 at 5:07 PM

    if you are getting married to your Nigerian man, and any of his family members especially his parents are not present or involve in the marriage, you should have every need to be worried. Don’t welcome the excuse “we don’t have enough money to invite them” marriage is a life time experience. Knowing the Nigerian culture, it is an absolute joy for parents to see their children getting married and will do as much as they can to support the wedding financially or otherwise.

    Let’s assume you fall for the excuse as to why his family or parents could not be part of your wedding, two years into the wedding he has not taken you to Nigeria to meet his parents and entire family, and you are yet to see any concrete plan he is making to achieve that, I suggest you should have every reason to cry foul; in most cases there is something to hide.

    If your Nigerian man is financially buoyant and travels to Nigeria most often and has never insisted you come with him, do the calculations all by yourself.

    When you are dating him and he refuses to take you to his house where he stays, and he continues to give you excuses, or he tells you he stays with his friends, his brother or his sister. Especially when he gives you appointments at restaurants, you guys sleep over at hotels or at his friend’s house. Girl, you are a fling, the dude is most likely married or has a steady affair.

    One thing ladies should understand is that most Nigerian families especially brothers and sisters will stand by each other, even if it means lying to save or support whoever is involved. If your man buys a lot of children’s clothes, toys, chocolates and ladies clothing more often and sends them home, seriously, you have every reason to be worried, something is wrong somewhere, it is most likely that he is not only married back home, he also has kids.

    If suddenly your Nigerian man starts to talk about his sister which he didn’t usually talk about in the past, and receives phone calls very often from that sister of his, please be careful, that sister is most likely married to him or she is his girlfriend back home in Nigeria. If you are not smart enough, he will most likely introduce her to you in order to soften your heart and believe his story.

    When a Nigerian man is not legal in the country and he begins to talk about how you should help him become legal, if you notice the desperation in him and all he talks about with you is how to be legal and after wards he will invite his sister or brothers wife for a visit, at that point you should be very vigilant, I strongly advice you begin to make your own personal investigations.

    One thing most Nigerian’s take seriously is religion, ask to go to church with him regularly and tell him to introduce you to his pastor, if he refuse you go to church with him, or does not want you to meet his pastor or imam, something is wrong, you are most likely a fling with no intension of marrying you.

    If he doesn’t want you to meet his friends or whenever you guys are with his friends, he is too scared to leave you alone talking with them, something is not right somewhere, knowing the average Nigerian men, they like to flaunt or show off their women to their friends and family.

    It is quite unfortunate that many foreigners have a negative perception of Nigerians, and they fail to see the good side of these wonderful black people. Yes, I very much agree that there are a number of unscrupulous Nigerians who tarnish the image of the country every now and then. But they are few in number considering the large population of the country. This is a country of over 160 million people. If, for instance, only 10% of the population, just 10%, have some bad traits; that small percentage gives a whopping 16 million people. Just imagine! That number is more than the population of some six to ten West African countries put together!

    LADIES, regardless of your upbringing or how desperate you are to get married, once you are an adult, it’s your responsibility to set the standard on how you want to be treated. Don’t say because your friends’ Nigerian man is treating her good, and for that reason you jump into the hands of any Nigerian man that comes your way. You deserve to be happy and only you can choose the way you want to live. There is a saying that says “you can take a horse to the river, but you can never force the horse to drink from the river.

    • Christian

      May 9, 2016 at 10:16 PM

      Joyce Williams u ar indeed a wise lady u ar right my Dear God bless.

    • ch

      December 3, 2017 at 12:23 PM

      i admire your way of putting a point. It shows your tremendous understanding of life

      • R Farant

        May 14, 2018 at 7:02 AM

        lts disturbing that in 2018, many are still quick to judge without a deeper understanding of the relationship. The only person in the best position to answer any doubting Thomas questions is the lady herself. lf she feels something is wrong then its probably cause for concern. What she decides to do after that is down to her as she is the one who has to live with the consequences of her decision and not many of the bros & sis who give holier than thou advice. ln anycase what is age these days, times have changed & people aren’t rushing to get married nor have children. There is also a shift in expectation& we now recognise the dangers of pressure. “The worst thing is to have children with the wrong woman” quote from a perfect husband bachelor & many agree. My advice would be to enjoy your relationship, stop digging for dirt coz you may end up building a perfect false story based fictitious/mixed up social media jargon. Once again, you have all the answers to your questions. P.s these days women are worst than men- statistics show Nigerian women & not the men are the most promiscuous in Africa.

    • Lucy Molina

      March 8, 2019 at 2:37 PM

      I am so concern about my daughter that is in a relationship with a man from Lagos Nigeria. I have done my own investigation including but not limited to speaking to a lady in Lagos claiming to be his wife. I have ICE agent and FBI looking into this,now they have a baby together and he tried his best to keep me away from the baby, also tried to change baby’s name on hospital papers twice. He shows signs of being a Narcissist, my daughter is totally blinded by this man, my family is a very united one. This is my daughters first baby, and although he states this is his first, he acts like he has other children. How can I verify marriage in Nigeria is this public records? The family is very concern that he will be using the baby as a ticket to obtain US citizenship and he is now to be seen by a migration Judge this summer. Please contact me with resources that can help me uncover this man’s mask. All that I have tried to verify comes back unverifiable. We are prying that this Judge does what it takes to really investigate this man. He is here under the pretense of being a Bishop , he also officiated his own marriage ceremony with my daughter, and I am sure has no credentials to marry, as I asked my daughter if he produced any credentials to her and has seen any credentials. Please help me….my daughter has lost her identity she is not the same any longer…

      • Joyce Williams

        March 8, 2019 at 7:13 PM

        I’m sorry to hear your heart breaking story. I have a few question to ask you Lucy. Do you presently know where they live. Is your daughter underage.
        Can you still contact her on phone. Provide me an answer to know how I will advise.
        If you think your daughter was snatched against your wish, you have the right to sue him to court.
        if that is not the case, try and get close to your daughter by forcing yourself to love her man in order to find out the truth. You need to show them some love if you want to get to the bottom of it.
        And if your daughter is not complaining, there is little you can do.
        Take care.

  4. Jojo

    March 30, 2016 at 5:12 PM

    My sister. Run for your dear life because the name sounds like one tribe that starts with Y and all they do is deceive women, they will always tell you they have never been married and the truth is that they are married with kids. I advice you to investigate properly because from what you wrote, you don’t even know the guy well.

  5. John Emeka

    March 30, 2016 at 8:14 PM

    Get some of his family contact or probably make a request of visiting his homeland wit him… Bcos i really dout dat a nigerian man living comfortably ill stay upto 45 without a wife or sibling somewhere…do d job urself thanks

  6. Metu Nyetu

    March 30, 2016 at 8:25 PM

    Joyce Williams, you are a proffessor! I love the way you handled this, and I hope she finds it helpful. I may still want to add that for the man to say that he had never had a girlfriend before should trouble the hell out of the lady. At 45? What? I believe the man is lying.

  7. fifelomo

    March 30, 2016 at 9:00 PM

    ……and I laugh, because this is ONE CHANCE. How can you expect someone of that age not to have bn married? Even if not there should be one side kid(s). @ Joyce Williams thank u for the analysis. May God increase ur knowledge, wisdom n understanding.

  8. my lady

    March 31, 2016 at 12:14 AM

    Nigerian man had no girlfriend at 45? dear he is lying to you. Its possible he is even a polygamist with many wives and children. He is not been sincere to you. He is only using you.

  9. Veronica fenwick-Bassey

    March 31, 2016 at 3:24 AM

    At the age of 45 Nigerian men are married with children don’t be fooled .

  10. Jilo

    March 31, 2016 at 3:44 AM

    Hello Jane you want to know whether your sweetheart is really in love with you and he has not been deceiving you. Well, to be honest with you and based on my personal experience that guy may be telling you the truth because of the economic situation in Nigeria. Nowadays, some young men are delaying their marriage. Over 60% of Nigerian young men are job seekers. This may be reason why this guy might not have fully made up his mind on marrige but that does not mean he did not have a girl friend or whom he might have temporarily promised to marry. The situation might have changed since he has travelled to western world and met you. Sometimes ago, I visited Nigeria and I saw one of my high school friend who was over 40 years old and has never married and I asked him how about your wife and kids? he honestly told me he has no stable job to fulfil marital commitment and I believed him and I knew he was not lying. Don’t let that change your love for this guy. If you want to do additional investigation about this guy you may go right ahead to be sure of what you are getting into. It may be possible to discover many things you did not know or the guy may be just honest with you. Every situation is different. You can only know this through additional effort. Again do not let this come between you and your boyfriend since everybody is just assuming.

    • Nekesha

      July 27, 2018 at 10:09 PM

      Your so correct in your statement,I met a Nigerian guy through a mutual friend and he’s 33,no kids no girlfriend and when I ask him how comes he don’t have a family he stated he saw his mom struggles with them when his dad left, and he didn’t want his kids struggling, plus he never had a steady job to finance a family, things are difficult in Nigeria, and he wants to have a kid like yesterday saying he must have a baby and a family.

  11. Maryf

    March 31, 2016 at 7:34 AM

    He may have children but may not be married. Compel him to tell you the truth about him.

  12. sola olaniyi

    March 31, 2016 at 10:00 AM

    check his facebook profile,twitter,Instagram,bbm e.t.c

  13. Olanrewaju

    March 31, 2016 at 12:12 PM

    The man is a smart man,he brainwash you. How could a man of that age be single,going further by saying u’re his first girl friend….. My dear sister the first thing you need to do is that you should tell him to bring to Nigeria,meet his parents and siblings……live with him and study him very well…..Sooner of later you’ll know if he truly loves you or not

  14. my lady

    March 31, 2016 at 12:40 PM

    Kilo is right though but I doubt the issue of no girlfriend at 45. That’s a lie. The lady should get appropriate details from him for investigation. I can even help depending on his place

    • Rene

      April 10, 2018 at 1:37 PM

      My sister married a Nigerian man and they get along but what bugs me is the quickness of the marriage and him having a so called ex wife back home and 2 kids.He has taken her to meet his family once but he returns alone for a month at a time once or twice a year.He also ships cars and says he’s building a house there.Am I right to be alarmed ?

  15. chyna

    March 31, 2016 at 4:23 PM

    omoo at his age he is married with kids except those that had commitment issue while growing up

  16. Lord Esiri

    April 10, 2016 at 11:11 PM

    Prof Joyce Williams, have done a good write-up.
    With my extensive trips to North America and over 15 countries in Europe; The man in question is only looking to use the woman to get his papers.
    If he’s legal, they should both travel together to Nigeria to do Native law and church/ Registry wedding. The lady would see the ugly side of the man. I as a man have advised ladies, and my info become life-saving.
    If the lady wants to end up in a mental hospital, then go ahead.

  17. Ribu

    May 10, 2017 at 2:47 PM

    I have a Nigerian boyfriend from Imo State, He’s a civil engineer at one of the biggest companies in the world (Anglo American) we’ve been together in South Africa for about 7 months now, and are so much in love…But I just recently found out that he is married back in Nigeria. I’ve also met his younger brother, he wanted to introduce me to his older brother & his wife that he lives with, but I refused as that is disrespectful on my part, him as well. He still says he loves me, and that I shouldn’t worry about her, since he only sees her once a year. I don’t know what to do, bcz I really love him. Normally they say if the situation is like that, then he is either using me to get citizenship or for sexual pleasures…but if I can tell you he already has citizenship, and he never forces me to have sex, we can go more than 2 weeks without sex and he wudn’t complain. When I asked him why he doesn’t, bring his wife to reside with him in SA, he keeps on saying its not easy as its seems, and that She doesn’t like it here and doesn’t want to live here. But now my question is why did he marry her then? And why would she agree to get married to a man that stays in another country? Also how do I fight this love I have for him, with his marital status?

  18. Elizabeth

    July 2, 2017 at 6:06 PM

    as a reply to multiple scenarios- u have to follow ur gut. Every person has vices- his could be women or something very different. For the woman who found out he was married. He was not honest with u about that- and will not be pressed to be honest to you in the future. He was not loyal to his wife and will not be loyal to you. How can you move forward w that?

  19. Nene

    July 13, 2017 at 4:17 PM

    I married a Nigerian (Igbo) and he used me for a GREEN CARD. He never took me to his villiage and I always stayed with his sister in Port Harcourt Nigeria. He told me he has a daughter in Nigeria but the mom is dead. I never saw nor spoke to this so called daughter. I waited three years for him in the States. He now has the 10 year GREEN CARD and abandoned my children and I. I believe he’s married and have multiple children in other countries including his own. Keep asking questions. Be very vigilante. Ask to go to his villiage. He may give you excuse after excuse as to why he can’t take you there. It’s a LIE. Don’t fall prey like I have. That woman above gave you many things that I’ve experienced with the scammer I married. She’s right in everything she stated. I lived it. I’M LIVING IT RIGHT NOW. He’s now living his American dream and soon his family members will be living theirs as well because of my stupidity. I knew something was wrong and still proceeded with the paperwork because I wanted to do the right thing as a “wife” with the children I regrettably made with him. My children are “anchor” babies. He asked me for children to ensure I bring him here. Unfortunately it worked. He has a new female here, abandoned us and going after my assets in the divorce. A FULL SCAM. Please beware. Don’t end up like ME.

    • Nekesha

      July 27, 2018 at 10:12 PM

      Sorry to hear why men have to be so cruel. But you know what God don’t like ugly

    • Niamo

      October 19, 2018 at 4:23 PM

      Nothing goes in vain my sister. You just saved my life. God will abundantly bless you and your children!

    • Donna

      November 27, 2018 at 4:54 AM

      You may have saved my life. The Nigerian I was dating told me he was not married but had a baby’s mother. I went to visit him and he gave me the password to his phone. I looked at the call log and found that he spoke to this “baby’s mother” multiple times a day. I looked through an older phone and seen thousands of photos of the mother, child, AND a set of twins. He never told me about twins. I asked for the truth. He told me he doesn’t think the twins are his because the timing was off and they didn’t live together…and because he was unsure, he didn’t feel like he should tell me until he knew for sure. He told me he engaged the women with a church wedding because he was pressured by his family since she got pregnant. I seen the photos of the church wedding and their son was about 1 years old and time stamped two months prior to him visiting America. None of their family or friends were at the church engagement. He says the church wedding is not legal but they did it to fulfill the request/pressure of the elders. My question is….could he be possibly marrying me for citizenship….having anchor children with me…divorce me after obtaining his papers…and then bringing the “baby’s mother” here on a K1 visa to marry her? I want to forgive and move forward but am very apprehensive. Please advise!!!

      • TexasGurl

        February 25, 2019 at 2:34 PM

        Wow Donna, I hope we are not talking to the same Nigerian man. My Yoruba man I’m dating has a son but says his baby mama has twins that are not his. His story never adds up, he keeps changing things as if he forgets what he tells me. He travels to Nigeria 4 times a year. He told me he sends cars back home and he’s building a house. He lives in Germany at the moment and has a German passport due to have been previously married to a white German woman. What’s troubling is how fast he wants to marry me! He’s in such a rush and also wants to have a baby with me before marriage… what I find strange is how he says how his sister is having a baby and he doesn’t know the sex of the child but he ask me to buy the baby clothes herein the USA … when I looked online none of his sisters look like they are married or have children. I feel like his baby mama is pregnant again. And he’s married to her.

    • Debra D.

      September 20, 2019 at 11:24 PM

      Nene did you marry your Ibo man in Nigeria or in America?

  20. Ali

    August 11, 2017 at 8:40 PM

    Hi ladies,

    Same problem here, how do i know if my bf has a wife back home?

    I am even considering to hire an investigator…just to be sure. Are the marriages registered somewhere?

    Some facts:
    – know the guy for 6 years now
    – he was married before in the USA
    – he has a green card
    – he has work
    – does sent money back home
    – visits his home 1x every year
    – says he doesnt have a child and a wife back home
    – he did introduce me to his sister over the phone and somwtimes we talk
    – he asks me every year to go with him to Nigeria but i dont want to go
    – i have spoken to some of his friends back home, on the phone
    – he doesnt ask me for money but he also dont want to spend money on me

    Been scammed by a nigerian before but this one seems so different.

    What else can i do?

    • Ziggywigs

      January 17, 2018 at 9:49 AM

      If court or RC church wedding marriages are registered traditional is not.

      Best thing you can do is go to his village and ask to marry in his village church. That will tell you everything.

      Here they would do a formal investigation prior to marriage there is no reason you couldn’t do the same. Hire a lawyer to do it for you.

    • Viola

      August 1, 2020 at 7:01 PM

      He sounds legitimate

  21. Gemma Anderson

    September 13, 2017 at 5:15 PM

    To the lady that is worried about her Nigerian boyfriend, I too am in a relationship with a Nigerian man, he is my whole life all we do is talk about getting married and having a family, however we have never met each other, we became friends through Facebook, and within a few weeks we realized we had feelings for each other,.we always call for hours and talk, and I have supported him through the loss of his brother.
    Not too long ago he sent me a picture of himself, and my mum pointed out that he was wearing a ring on his ring finger….I confronted him as I was angry, and he told me he has never been married , he said the ring does not fit any other finger…I chose to believe him. Because I love him and don’t want to lose him. He has recently told his family about me, even let’s me video call his sister and speak with his mom……but even now I still have my fears, I know the pain your in, not wanting to be fooled or used, yet not willing to let go of the one you love……sometimes I even convince myself it wouldn’t matter if he was already married, ….sometimes other people can plant doubts and ideas in your head coz they don’t want your happiness ..don’t judge him based on what anyone else says ,judge it with your heart… love him, could you handle never hearing from him again?
    What if you take advice from these people to dig things out about him and you discover he’s innocent, but he discovers how much you did not trust or believe him and so he leaves you…..please be careful, put your own happiness first girl. Please could you reply to me, I’d like to talk to you, …I do understand totally what your going through right now. Be strong .yours sincerely Nkem

    • Ava

      February 19, 2018 at 9:21 PM

      I just find out my bf of 9months now is married and he says it’s only introduction what does that mean ,I feel betrayed and hurt but I still kinda love him but I feel so betrayed

      • Viola

        August 1, 2020 at 7:08 PM

        It means he’s about to marry her. Marriage is not finalized. Introduction is the beginning of the marriage process.

    • Robin Strong

      September 14, 2018 at 7:26 PM

      Hey this is Robin I so much would love to talk to you , I also have a bf in Lagos Nigeria have been in a long distance relationship for 16 months now
      Please would like to talk with you…??

      • Crystal

        December 6, 2018 at 1:18 PM

        I have a question I have a bf in Lagos Nigeria he is a pastor he told me a Christian over there can’t have more than on wife or girlfriend is this true

        • NG

          December 6, 2018 at 6:24 PM

          Yes it is true.

      • krista

        February 7, 2019 at 7:36 PM

        I started talking to someone from lagos Nigeria and need someone to talk to please, i dont know what to believe after reading all of this. I care so much about this dude, now im scared and afraid im going to ruin wat we have because of reading this.

        • Marilyn

          February 13, 2019 at 7:54 PM

          Be careful.3 yrs talking and visiting and i just found out he has 2 sons , and now says his passport says married on application. Dont think we can even do k1 visa.there sneaky

  22. Jamaica Babe

    September 17, 2017 at 9:27 PM

    Hi, my fiance is Nigerian, and I too was concerned that he was married back home. We have been seeing each other for 9 months and I am deeply in love with this man. I recently found evidence on his phone to suggest that he was married. I confronted him about it and he denied being married and gave me a story which he insists is the truth. I said we should call this person to confirm whether what he was saying was the truth, however, we were unable to get through to the number. I thought about how happy we were together, how much we had both invested into the relationship etc. I am really not in any doubt as to whether this man loves me. I’ve never felt so protected and cared for. He gives me all of his time, love and attention – buys me gifts, takes me to church…we communicate very well together… and I decided right then and there, that even IF there was a shred of truth about him being married. Even IF there was a wife. He is mine now and I am not ready to let him go. IF there is a wife- she need to know she should have never let him go off across the world by himself…because I’ve claimed him and his mine now!

    • Gemma Anderson

      December 9, 2017 at 7:59 PM

      You are a lady after my own heart, totally agree with you….I love my fiance more than anything on earth, whether I find out he’s married or has kids, who cares…alls fair in love and war, as far as I’m concerned I can’t live without him,…if any other woman comes for him,she’ll have to fight me for him coz I’m not letting go.

  23. Naa

    October 9, 2017 at 3:45 PM

    Dear umm am a Ghanaian, my baby daddy lied to me as my child is just 8 months he told me he has a son but he’s not in a relationship with the mother, just this years he came and I was supposed to meet him but I couldn’t why because he has issues that lead to court case according to him, and to my surprise he told my aunty I’m not even his date we just sex mate I don’t know if it was bcoz my aunty ask him how far about our plans of getting married he does send money and he just went back to Istanbul some days back, don’t trust them much they can fool you and yes they’re romantic and know how to make you feel loved but for how long?!

  24. Guardian Angel

    November 13, 2017 at 7:11 AM

    I married an African man in Nigeria that lied to me about being Nigerian he is actually Ghanaian and he used me for a green card. Once he got here in the US with me he became cold,mean,distant, and he showed no love or friendship. He is now divorcing me, trying to get alimony, and wants me to sell my home and give him half of all my assets I established before he came to the US. He was no longer the man I fell in love with and played like he loved me but instead a demon! He lists his logo as Devil’s Ipad on his phone and IPad Pro! He asked me to buy him a machete the first two months he arrived to cut our grass and I did. After he got everything he wanted out of me and distanced me from my children, family, and friends he became lazy, rude, and extremely verbally abusive. We never had intimacy once he got here he was cheating with many women and maybe even men. He is an opportunist and has no remorse. He told me he no longer had the machete and come to find out he was lying again as he hid it in his brand new car!! Was he planning on hurting me? I believe so!! God has protected me! He hacked my WiFi and camera security system as the alarm installer has already told my attorney he wants to testify how this man I married propositioned him to show him how to wipe our cameras and not tell me. This man simulated a suicide attempt, told people I was abusing him and I’m crazy, and come to find out his name is not even his real name and he has a wife in Ghana that went to go live with her family once he came here. He is so cruel!! Be careful!! There are many desperate and ruthless people in west Africa that despise Americans and think they are smarter than you!

  25. Broken Heart

    November 13, 2017 at 10:53 PM

    Involved with a Nigerian man for a year. Basically begged me for my number. Wasn’t interested because of a 12 year relationship I had just ended. Needed to heal. Exchanged numbers anyway and this man poured on the kind words and what i see now were lies lies. He told me he was not married and had no kids. Told me Nigerian men don’t cheat like men in America we debated about that and basically i told him he was full of it. I decided to give him a chance anyway what the heck i thought. Initially when we met he asked me for a large sum of money and I quickly redirected him and told him I’m not the American he will scam for money so if that’s what he wanted he could leave. He apologized and we moved on. While he was in Nigeria he left me his bank card so i can retrieve his money for him and transfer it to him in Nigeria when he got paid which i did not problem. When he returned I noticed that this man never had any money and i continued to ask him why and offered to help him budget. We did activities together you know just like a normal relationship. Over the year my gut was telling me something was not right, things didn’t add up. He always wanted to check my phone but didn’t want me to ask him questions about his. Went through his phone and found some things that were disrespectful to our relationship. Called the women and indeed he was talking to someone in another state. This woman said they had not met each other in person but was dating previously off and on. The text message of her asking when he was coming to visit at the same time we were dating was the disrespectful part. He had also not told her he now had a girlfriend. He explained that he had no intentions of going to see her but continued to talk to her which he admitted was wrong. OK apology accepted. Still something didn’t sit right with me. Deep inside I had a feeling something was being hidden from me and i continued to dig deeper. In the mean time my kind and caring heart begin to turn into coal. Even though i wasn’t supporting him or giving him any of my hard earned money and if i wanted to spend any money on him it was always my choice. He paraded me around all of his friends who he says were very jealous of him because of me he even introduced me to his brother but still i felt uneasy. I kept digging and digging and someone how found a number that i recorded from his phone early on when i found the other numbers. For some reason I kept this number never called it but something was telling me call it. I connected it with a name in Nigeria and saw some pictures of him and this woman and a child that looked just like him. Also there was postings of a wedding congratulations and also postings of a new baby being delivered that coincides with conception around the time he was in Nigeria last. Now go back about 10 months. In his phone there was a photo of him and a woman who he told me was his sister and I laughed in his face on how stupid that sounded because of the situation of the photo no one unless it’s incest will be in that situation with his sister. Fast forward i called this woman and sent her a picture of the guy and I together and asked if this was her husband and she confirmed as well as confirming the kids as well. I showed him the picture and let me tell you the lie he told. He said the woman was his third cousin who he as the oldest man of the family had to step in as her husband to help with the kids. He said the kids were not his. I kept telling him i already spoke with the wife and know i just needed him to be a man apologize and tell the truth. He then told me he did know the woman he had sexual intercourse with her but the child is not his and he is not her husband. Well in the meantime he is denying this still and I connected with the wife to apologize to her because that’s not the type of woman i am to sleep with married men. She apologized for her husbands actions and told me. I NEED TO FIND A WAY TO FORGIVE HIM FOR HER SAKE. SAYS WHATEVER AFFECTS HIM AFFECTS HER AND YOU KNOW HOW NIGERIAN MEN ARE. What in the world did that mean? In her exact words. ladies be mindful follow your gut. This experience has broken my spirit deeply. Not sure how to heal but if Gods will I shall

  26. Curious25

    November 16, 2017 at 4:36 AM

    My mom met an African man on a dating app online. They had been chatting for like 3 weeks before they suggested meeting each other. I asked her where he was from and she said Nigeria but he was living in Connecticut with a friend. I asked her how long has he been in America and she stated for 7 months. As the time got closer for him to come visit her he started telling her he loved her and wanted to marry her and I’m like he hasn’t even met you yet and you just got divorced from your second husband not even two months ago. She go into this I don’t want her to be happy and I believe him phase. So fast forward to this meeting they decide to stay in a hotel for 2 days but she has to pay for the room and he’ll give her half of it when he gets down here. I asked her did she think she was getting scammed considering how far Georgia is from Connecticut and he has to take a bus to get here. He gets here and goes back after the three days and not even a month later he’s packed up and moved in with her in Georgia. I talked to her and she had a falling out with me and my siblings and kicked everyone out the house and next thing we know they are married and she taking him to some place for a citizenship test. Fast forward to a year and half later we get in contact with her because we done all had babies now and she has fallen out with every family member of ours. I wanted to make sure she was ok but this was like her opportunity for her to force him on us and we weren’t having it. I finally just snapped and asked her all the questions the family had been asking us like did she meet his family since he says he has two brothers in America that has traveled to quite a few states so I asked has she seen him. She stated no but she had talked to his mom and sister over the phone but 1 of his brothers supposedly stays in the next city. I asked her has he talked about going back home and she stated he was going back Christmas time to visit but she wasn’t going. I then proceeded to ask her why she fell out with the family and she stated it was because my aunt husband who got him a job when he first got down here was mistreating him with hours and going to see some woman down the street on his lunch break so she told my aunt all this and she felt like my aunt could have did something about it. First of all I felt like if someone helped you get a job under the table for you to have some money why would you even fix your mouth to come back and report something like that. After that accident my mom fell out with everyone so I told her and she said she didn’t even have to talk to me anymore either and we have fallen out again. I just feel like this man is scamming her and she don’t see it.

  27. Natosha wallace

    November 29, 2017 at 10:16 AM

    I married a nigerian and now found put he has a wife and kids back home. I don’t really want him but started to like him too soon. Claims he will leave his wife but I just wonder how intense this will get. Doesn’t take anything from me like money but is angry and demands all the time. Sure that he believes in polygamy but I don’t. I am in one country a
    Shes in another. What do u do?

    • Obi

      November 30, 2017 at 4:38 PM

      Wisdom is all we need and like my late mum would often say “Wisdom is like a portfolio, all man with his” Let’s not generalise this matter because of some Nigerians past behaviour, we are different, some can be in that age (45) and not have a wife or kid,he may have unserious affair or even non. Judge this matter with your heart and brain maturely I believe God will lead you through.

      On my part, I’m a single Nigerian man, looking for a good white lady for a relationship that may lead to marriage. I already know that some Nigerians here would label me whatever they wish to… But the truth is that we all have a dream and mine has never been to marry an African woman, and I’m holding on to that dream . I’m 37, all I need is your love not your green card or money. Kindly write me on let’s get to know each other. I will serve and worship you,if I ever find you. I look forward to hearing from you “my dream wife”soon.

  28. Elizabeth Anagnostou

    December 31, 2017 at 5:44 AM

    I have been chatting with a Nigerian man since August 2017
    I have met his family online and have also spoken to his fathers asking him if his son is married he
    Assured me he is not and said I have daughters and would not
    Like for someone to lie to his daughters .
    My man was in Sri Lanka playing football and I travelled there to meet
    Him for the first time which turned out to be amazing.
    He is the most caring beautiful sole and he has since flown back to Nigeria
    To be with his family for Christmas.
    He has invited me to his brothers wedding this August
    And am thinking to fly over but am scared .
    We are both starting to talk about marriage and me possibly
    Living in Nigeria .
    Because of all the negative comments I read on forums
    I still have my guard up the only thing that worries me is
    I’m 50 and he is 32 any advice would be greatly appreciated

    • Ziggywigs

      January 17, 2018 at 9:29 AM

      You want to live here in Nigeria?

      First know they stick to their age mates. Marrying out with mates it extremely difficult here although not impossible. Your marriage won’t be taken Seriously by others and respected.

      I was at Church and the oastro admonished the young for not sticking to their age mates and outlined the problems.

      Their culture is strong and they stick to it. You don’t say which tribe for more specific advice.

      Most importantly African men want children they expect it and it is expected culturally. A good son or daughter will marry abd produce children. That’s the reason they marry. So can you or are you prepared to give him children? An African man’s pride is in his family.

      Here a wife who doesn’t give her husband children is seen as useless and not respected over time. So another wife is expected or the marriage is seen as tenprorary. In a lot of cases I doubt the church would marry you.

      Court weddings are not valued culturally here and means they can happily divorce without any shame. Then simply move on marry traditionally and in church unhindered.

      Marry traditionally followed by a Church as this means the community and church will fight for your marriage.

      If he is unwilling then you know your answer.

      And I have to say a professional footballer at age 32? They are usually retired by then.

      A lot of scammers are based in Malaysian countries under the guise of footballers or studying.

      The age gap is the biggest red flag to me. Living here in Nigeria will be tough and you will be at home a lot alone.

  29. Sha

    February 18, 2018 at 5:29 PM

    Married a Nigerian(Yoruba) a very deceitful individual. We have been married 1.5 yr; during my pregnancy, I became ill and had to stop working. He went to northern stay with his guy friends, he got a job there. He work from Jan to August, I had the baby in July. He came down several times doing the pregnancy because I was a high risk pregnancy, we didn’t engage in sex. Immediately, after having the baby during end of August, he planned a trip to go to South Africa for 2 weeks; Nigeria for 2 weeks. During his visit, I pick up on the changes in his behavior. Me being me, I login to his computer that he left here; looked at his email account and airbnb account; he had been chatting with a woman name plan to stay with here for 5 days at one place; two other different women at another place. So when I confirmed him about all these different women and place, he goes I have a problem. So, I kept researching, I found out he have had numbers of affairs in NJ. He begged and pleaded to stop and he will get professional help for his addiction with call girls; so I am like ok whatever. Well he return in Sept, we haven’t sleep in the same bed or room since then; he told me late January that his love for me was dead. I told I thank you for your truth; but he had the nerves to request I help get his citizenship. After he open admits, “I been fucking prostitutes for a few months , now.” LOL, hell nawl, help kick your ass out my country.

  30. Sha

    February 18, 2018 at 5:33 PM

    oh I forget to tell yall, he is sleeping outside in his car at rest stops and bathing at planet fitness.

    His entire family was on board for our wedding because of the pregnancy we did a small wedding; then we (his mom, sisters, brothers, my family and I ) were planning for a large wedding this July. I informed his family of his behaviors, they were embarrassed and upset; they threaten him several times to fix it. But it is beyond fixing; yes, he is 40; he was married before however the lady came to the state with their two daughters about 7 years ago and refused have anything to do with him. Now I know why

  31. Shirley Chioma

    July 9, 2019 at 4:11 AM

    See responses to your comments at

    I meet a Nigerian man who found me on facebook and liked my picture and contacted me, initially to scam me, he claimed to be an Italian man. When he found out he could not scam me he started talking to me as himself, he is from Warrie. I was dealing with my late husband’s illness, he had stage 4 lung cancer and my Nigerian internet boyfriend was very supportive. When my late husband passed in 1/2018 I flew to Lagos to meet the Nigerian boyfriend. He is half my age, fortunately, I am very youthful and attractive and fit, we hit it off, our sex life is good. Should I add he was extremely helpful when it came time to get my visa to travel to Nigeria. Prior to traveling, I spoke with his parents and sisters and it all seemed on the up and up. I had no reason to doubt his sincerity. I was pleasantly surprised when we meet and he/we seemed very attracted to each other. We traveled to Delta where we were meet by several of his friends all well dressed and a Lexus was waiting to drive to a hotel, the entire thing was being videotaped, when the door opened inside was his Dad, Mom, and two sisters other people, with champagne. He leads me to the bedroom and in rose petals on the bed had the words spelled out “my name” please say yes, and gave me a beautiful engagement ring. I said yes, he arranged the entire wedding including having the wedding suits and sisters dress all made in my favorite color. It was a formal event, held at the court. He had a professional photographer and I have a beautiful wedding album. During my original stay and marriage, my husband a lot of the time kept me locked in the hotel room even had his Dad and sister stay with me at times, while he was out doing who knows what, supposedly working???? We went out a couple of times in Warrie, all planned out by him, and when we went back to Lagos two days before my departure he took me out to the mall, we saw a movie and had dinner. We had drinks with a friend before I left for the airport and his Dad called me to talk with me as well to say good by that the family loved me an hoped I had a safe trip home. After I left from that visit the communication really slowed down, it seemed that there would be entire weekends I did not even hear from him, like Friday through Sunday he never even answered my WhatsApp chats or phone calls. We had several fights and many ended with me saying I was going to get an annulment, he would talk me out of it and offer excuses why there was no communication from him. The second time I visited several months later, my husband said I could not come and spend those three weeks with him in Warri, and also visit the family, we had to rent a hotel and stay in Lagos. That was a fairly good time, however; he also took a class with a guy at the hotel and had his wife stay with me in case I wondered out of the hotel compound, she would go get my husband. He also told me he would have to work while I was there and would wake up throughout the night to be on his computer, he does marketing, he tells me. That has been almost a year ago, over this last year we have had many struggles, trust issued mainly and lack of communication. When I ask if he has another wife or girlfriend he gets insulted and will not give me a direct answer, its all in my head. Also, we used to have phone sex every couple of weeks and that abruptly stopped, he says he will wait till we are together he prefers the real thing. He says I listen too much to people around me here in the US, and I think negative of him. During one split he even had his Dad call to patch things up. But I still remain very suspicious that there is a third party involved, I know about his son from a previous relationship, but she has remarried lives in the UK and more or less abandoned the son to his grandmothers care, who hopes I will come to get him. So I don’t think he is involved with his son’s mother, but something just does not seem right. Shouldn’t he be telling me about his daily life, most of the time he will not even take my phone calls, if I had an emergency I don’t even know if the authorities could locate him. **** a couple of times he has asked for money, and I have probably sent a couple thousand over the last year and a half. In December I submitted for his spousal visa, so it could get issued in a couple of months. **** Recently he has become more attentive and actually acts like a husband, I hear from him pretty much daily now, his new self video chats and sends me lots of pictures, his whole tone, and attitude has changed and he is very nice to me now. He moved from Warrie back to Lagos. Is it possible he had a girlfriend in Warri they broke up, he moved to Lagos to put some distance between them and so now he can focus on me or is he just being nice to get the visa???? He has traveled to South Africa to visit cousins and supposedly learning from an African restauranteur about that business, he is back in Lagos, but will be returning to South Africa and is really pressuring me to travel there to visit for a month, I sold my house and he knows I have a little cash! I have such conflicted feelings about the whole thing, of course, he always says “I love you so much”. I speak with his family his sister and me WhatsApp and occasionally I hear from his Dad. I just can’t get the overwhelming feeling that he could be using me just to get to the US out of my mind. I have told him if I get adopt his son in the US if he should want a divorce he can’t just take his son I will parental rights. And obviously, I am too old to have children anymore, so that would be it for us, just the one son. ( another interesting fact, on the Sundays he tells me he is going to Chruch I don’t hear from him till late Monday, if at all ). Okay, all you ladies, what do you think, is it possible we could have a good, long, happy marriage or is he playing me just to get to America?

  32. Magy

    February 8, 2021 at 8:32 PM

    I want to ask something. I am not black and met a nigerian man in fb. He has 3 small kids and said he is divorced. When he lost his job, their status changed and she left him. Is it possible that a woman with 3 small kids is not afraid to leave her husband instead of support him?

    • Omotunde

      February 8, 2021 at 10:48 PM

      He sounds to me like a fraudster. Be careful with men you meet on FB or other online platform. From what you said, he is still married and just looking for a way to use you.

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