August 21, 2016 – How To Cope After Heartbreak, Betrayal Or Rejection
You always hear people say things like ‘after the rain comes sun shine’ when you have gone through a harrowing experience or trying to recover from a broken heart. At the time when they are comforting you with these words, it may never look like it will ever happen but trust me, time does heal all wounds. Wallowing in self pity is never the best way to get over heartbreaks but we do it all the same.
Some of us express this in varying ways: some cry buckets of tears in the privacy of their bedrooms; spend sleepless nights staring into darkness and thinking of their lost love while some will call up one of their closest friends and simply pour their sorrows into a listening ear that is willing to hear the tale of a love gone sour.
Broken relationships always leave bitter tastes in our mouth when we remember them and for some people, it takes years before they get over the pain and move on.
All the same, I’ll say making a clean break and creating a fresh start is the best way to forget the past and move on with your life. There’s no need crying over split milk or indulging in vengeful thoughts that will create bitterness in your heart and these things have a way of reflecting in your attitudes to others so avoid them as much as you can.
Make up your mind to start afresh and get determined not to make the same mistakes twice. You do this by making sure you don’t choose the next person just because they happen to look like or act like your ex. This usually has a boomeranging effect in the long run.
You’ll end up not being truly satisfied with that person because you’ll keep comparing him/ her with your ex and most of the time, they fall off the high pedestal which you have placed them. In starting all over again to find love, first of all make sure you are healed of all hurt from the former relationship. There’s no need carrying excess baggage full of complexes and inhibitions to the love zone of a new relationship.
No one likes to hear how wonderful your ex was when they are on a date with you. Be sure you are totally healed from a broken heart before jumping into a fresh relationship. The next thing to do is to build up your friendship data base.
Most of us find romance at work or through our network of acquaintances. If this isn’t happening for you, you may need to extend your friendship circle. Best way to do this is to spend more time on leisure activities that you enjoy and meet other individuals who like the same things.
The more friends you have, the more chances you have of meeting that special someone. Try meeting new friends by changing the circle of friends you had with your ex.
That way you will not easily run into your former lover or make the mistake of dating any of their friends. People who do that end up spoiling the friendship that exists between their ex and their new partner and I don’t think that is really the ideal way to create a new relationship.
Its best you always create a fresh relationship on a clean slate away from old reminders of your former relationship. When you have cast your net into the ocean of new friends, I’m sure you’ll definitely catch an interesting fish!
So don’t be shy to accept an invitation for a date no matter how trivial the outing may seem. You never know if that simple date will be the beginning of a budding and lasting relationship. You can be invited to go for a quick drink or a simple lunch date or even a special dinner date. Accept it graciously and prepare your mind to have a lovely time.
First dates can be frightening and fraught, so don’t expect too much. All you really need to establish is that you are comfortable with the other person and you don’t feel physically repelled by them. If you’ve had a good time on the date, there’s no harm in texting or phoning to say how much you enjoyed it. Most ladies are shy to do this for fear of appearing too forward or desperate.
All the same, don’t insist on another date if the other person seems less than keen at the end of the first date. A gentle ‘would you like to meet up again some time?’ should be enough to establish if there’s any spark between the two of you. If you don’t want to meet again, it’s good manners to gently let the other person know the truth.
Try: ‘I think you are very nice, but I don’t think we could have the kind of relationship I’m looking for.’ That way, you’ll save yourself the trouble of wading off an unwanted fly trying to perch on your love zone and preventing you from creating further room to meet someone else.
New relationships are always sweet and exciting at the beginning. Enjoy the feeling of being in love again and make sure that this time you put in your best and eliminate all the mistakes you made in previous relationships that could cause a break up in the new one. I wish you all the best in your new found love!
[By Vanessa Okwara]