March 18, 2017 – Ramsey Nouah: After 15 Years Of Marriage, My Wife Thinks I’m Not Romantic
In this recent heart to heart talk with Lanre Odukoya, Nollywood actor Ramsey Nouah bares it all about his marriage and the secret of his marital success.
Aside movies what have you been up to lately?
I have been spending time with my family. Whenever the need arises, I do humanitarian stuffs. It has been film, family and giving back to the society.
Have you not been scared of the number of marriages crashing in the society, especially among your movie peers?
Marriage unlike how most people see it, also unlike what is going on now, it is in the grasp of the woman. But these days, a lot of marriages are based on equality. A woman wants to get 50 percent of whatever she is giving into the marriage back from the man.
It is leading to a lot of breaks in marriages. From time our mothers used to be the women that held their marriages. They were in charge of the home. Our mothers took charge of everything but today, women don’t want that kind of responsibility.
Hence, it is affecting them. My wife belongs to the category of ‘our mothers’. She believes in holding a marriage and holding it strong. So whenever I am asked how we have been able to keep it together. I tell them my wife is the woman who has actually held our home.
Does this mean she paddles the destiny of your marriage?
She doesn’t have a place because she owns the home. It’s her call however way she wants things done. She is the drive of the family. Her decision is final. That is why I say she is not an ordinary woman. She is a triple woman.
When some people ask me ‘how does your wife cope when she sees you kissing other women in the movie?” and I tell them that my wife is special. She is not an ordinary woman. She understands things in a way many other women don’t. That is why I say, you as an actor, you have to find that special person.
It is not love that will bond you. Forget love, love dies. What sustains the marriage is companionship. If you cannot find companionship in your partner from the beginning, then you do not have a partner. Don’t lust after a woman because of her beauty and don’t lust after a guy because he is handsome.
You must lust after the companionship that bonds you together. It should be like ‘for some reasons you cannot do without her; for some reasons there is something about her that brings you home.’
It may be her sense of humour; or the way she keeps the home. Same thing applies for the ladies, there must be something about him that you cannot do without. If this quality is not there, then you don’t have a companion.
Don’t get me wrong, don’t think that we don’t have our time or that we don’t have a moment of disagreement, we do. But it depends on the way we handle it. Women cannot stand the hit in the kitchen anymore, they want to run.
That is why marriages are crumbling. A lot people don’t want to work hard anymore, because marriage is hard work. So when you talk about marriages crashing, it’s not my call. The only problem that I have to make sure I provide food for the family.
Back to your years of adolescence, was there a career you would have wished you were into or a business you would have loved to do?
I wanted to be an aeronautic engineer. I wanted to build planes. Unfortunately I never did sciences in class and I went to art.
You could not pass mathematics?
Yes, mathematics was terrible. I would have loved to be a pilot or be in the airforce.
You have been married for 15 years now, what advice do you give to some of your colleagues in the industry who find themselves in a situation of marriage break up?
Nobody gives advice when it comes to matters of the heart. People say they are going for counseling and all but at the end, it is what is in their heart is still what they want to do.
Because those things in your heart are laced with emotions and emotions are very hard to tackle. When you have emotion that is full of jealousy, hate or anger, it is hard to break it until you exercise it.
That is why when your dad screams ‘do not follow that boy’ the teenager does not listen until she has satisfied what her heart desires from the boy. Most times, you learn by experience. Companionship is not easy.
When everybody is running into marriages as if marriage wants to go out of fashion, take your time and be ready for it. Be ready to a c c e p t someone with his flaws. My wife has her problems, me, I have mine. A lot of it actually and I know. You must be able to accommodate the other person.
Do you think ego problem of today’s women is mostly the cause of many crashed marriages?
When a woman believes she earns more than the man and so the man should start doing the work of a woman like sweeping, changing diaper of a baby, where is the balance in the marriage? There is no sense in that.
A woman’s place should not change; same applies t the place of the man. I am not expecting a woman to overwork herself with house chores. I help and support my wife when there is no help in the house. I sweep when I have the time.
Were you rebellious while growing up?
No I wasn’t. My mother instil discipline into me. I was very playful and I always got into trouble. My mother thought me that my pride as a man is my ability to differentiate between right and wrong. That is why I cannot handle many people at the same time because I cannot sweet talk. I am not very diplomatic.
Are you romantic?
Don’t use the movie to judge me. I don’t think I am Romantic. My wife does not think I am that romantic.
Many people wonder why you do not take your wife to red carpet events with you
My wife and I have an understanding. And this is one of the reasons our marriage is still strong till tomorrow. We avoid the public eye because the public have a way of messing up relationships.
Sometime, my wife goes ahead of me into the event, so we don’t do red carpet. It is the same people that harass you of not taking your wife to red carpet event that will sit back and point fingers at how you look.