Daily Inspirational Thoughts
How To Cope With Divorce, Heart Break & Betrayal
Love is the most beautiful feeling in the world when both partners are really in love and cherish and appreciate what they share but love scorned, unreturned and unappreciated leaves one partner desolate, unfulfilled and bare.
We all hope to have the best of relationships with our partners loving us just as much as we love them but sometimes, it does not work out the way we planned. Research have shown that everyone experiences one-sided or unreturned love at least once in their lifetime. Some have two or more of this experience.
But the good news is that just because you got hurt because your love was not reciprocated does not mean you would not meet true love again. However, chances are that you may not believe it because you are depressed and hurting.
It is in times like this that most people go downhill. They stop caring about themselves and everything around them including education, jobs and family. In extreme cases, some commit suicide. You need not go through all these. Once you get a hang of your emotions, you can work through it and enjoy your single life before venturing into another relationship.
Take All the Time You Need: No one expects you to snap out of it the minute it happens. If you do, this would mean you were never really in love with them. Take you time and feel the pain, after all, it is said that pain is part of the healing process. Do not let anyone rush you into getting over it. You are your own self and should decide when to start moving on.
However, if you have brooded for quite some months, it may be time for you start considering moving on.
Move Past The Brooding Stage: Do not dwell in the past hoping that things would change. Your ex is not going to get back to and you need to accept it. Staying up and hoping that this would happen is only going to demoralize you further.
At this stage, you should work towards erasing as much memories as you can of them. Do not call or text. Do away with things that remind you of them such as pictures, gifts etc.
If friends and/or family ask you, be honest about the situation of things but you do not need to give details.
Forgive Them: It is only natural to harbour resentment and anger towards your ex. But you must remember that you need the forgiveness more than they do. Forgiving then erases your pain and lightens the ache.
You need to get all of that negative energy out if you truly want to make forward. If it is you who messed up, forgive yourself too and gird yourself up.
Work On Yourself: If it is your fault the relationship did not work out, do not beat yourself up for it. It could simply be because you both are not compatible and who knows, you may be saving yourself from future heart break. Love will find you again and you would be thankful it happened the way it did.
Get a Diversion: This is the time to indulge yourself a little. All the activities you loved doing but did not have the time to do because you were your ex is what you should be doing now.
If you can, move away for some time. A new environment can do wonders to your mind and senses. You can even take a vacation, go swimming, skiing, fishing, camping etc just do basically anything and everything that makes you happy.
Do not Spy Or Monitor Your Ex’s Activities: This is the mistake a lot of people make. You should realize that doing this is like reopening a healing wound. Imagine going to their social media handle(s) and you see pictures of them happy with someone else? You know how hurt you would be right? To avoid this and more, do not try to know anything that is going on in their lives anymore. All that energy should be channeled into your own life.
Associate With Positive People: This is the time you need to surround yourself with positive peoples – friends and family. Chances are that you may want to isolate yourself. If you do this, depression could kick in and you would be at the mercy of your own emotions.
Depression is a common sign of love failure and staying alone would fester it. Therefore, make sure you always have company. Even if you are not joining in the conversation or the games, just having them around is all the help you need.
Confide in your friends and family about how you are feeling. They may have gone through a similar experience and having them share theirs and how they managed to overcome them can help your current situation.
They can even help you to stop obsessing and brooding over your ex by scolding or taking your phone from you anytime you have the urge to talk to them.
Treat Yourself: If you do not take care of yourself, you may fall sick. It is very likely you are not getting enough sleep.
Research conducted shows that break ups can weaken the heart. Take care of yourself, eat healthy meals, sleep well and exercise regularly. This helps to keep you physically and mentally active.
Spoil yourself a bit. Get a new hairstyle, buy some good outfitd- something fancy and flattering. If you are a lover of gadgets, get something such as a headphone, Bluetooth device player, anything fancy or you can simply go to the spa and give yourself a treat
Try Different Techniques: Different folks different strokes they say. Find out what works best for you. It could be yoga, going to the gym, clubbing. Just try out several and see which works best for you.
Enjoy Your Single Life: Believe it or not, being single can be quite enjoyable. Better being single than in a loveless relationship. Most times there are things you sacrifice to be with your ex. Think of things you can enjoy doing on your own. You could go the mall, do some shopping, see a movie etc.
This could also be a good time to learn a new skill. Learn a new language, read poetry, take an online course, re-arrange your house. Just keep yourself busy because being busy keeps your mind from slipping into the past.
Keep Your Social Skills Alive: Staying indoors is not a good idea. Go out with family and friends. This can be a great avenue to meet people who could turn out to good friends and even a potential lover.
This is the time to make the most out of it all. Attend weddings, parties, meetings etc. Volunteer to help organise parties, events and activities organised by your friends and family. You will surely feel good about yourself and meet people of similar interests.
Consider Dating: Remember to never fall in love out of the rebound. You do not have to be dramatic or do something to get your ex jealous. Some people do this hoping to get back at them. This is no longer about them but you. Save your heart and take your time.
It is okay to like someone at this stage. Give compliments to people you meet. It does no harm. Remember, going out with someone does not mean you both are already in a relationship. Get to know them before you decide to start a relationship.
Look at the situation from this angle, what happened has only proven that your marriage would have been a sham because the person did not actually love you so take it in good faith and someday, love will find you anew.
July 12, 2020 at 9:50 AM
This is so touching. I lost my marriage during COVID19.
It is bringing back bags of memories
December 15, 2020 at 8:39 PM
Thanks for the advice