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How Do I Know My Nigerian Boyfriend Is Truly In Love With Me? African American Widow Cries Out For Help

signs a nigerian man wants marry you

How Do I Know My Nigerian Boyfriend Is Truly In Love With Me.. Please Read My Story – African American Widow Cries Out For Help

By Shirley

Here is a raw message received from an African American woman who is currently dating a younger Nigerian man.

Shirley (last-name withheld) is having mixed feelings about her Nigerian man. She wants inputs from Nigerians.

Please read her story and give her your input. Thank you.

I meet a Nigerian man who found me on Facebook and liked my picture and contacted me, initially to scam me, he claimed to be an Italian man. When he found out he could not scam me he started talking to me as himself, he is from Warri. I was dealing with my late husband’s illness, he had stage 4 lung cancer and my Nigerian internet boyfriend was very supportive. When my late husband passed in 1/2018 I flew to Lagos to meet the Nigerian boyfriend.

He is half my age, fortunately, I am very youthful and attractive and fit, we hit it off, our sex life is good. Should I add he was extremely helpful when it came time to get my visa to travel to Nigeria. Prior to traveling, I spoke with his parents and sisters and it all seemed on the up and up. I had no reason to doubt his sincerity. I was pleasantly surprised when we meet and he/we seemed very attracted to each other. We traveled to Delta where we were meet by several of his friends all well dressed and a Lexus was waiting to drive to a hotel, the entire thing was being videotaped, when the door opened inside was his Dad, Mom, and two sisters other people, with champagne.

He leads me to the bedroom and in rose petals on the bed had the words spelled out “my name” please say yes, and gave me a beautiful engagement ring. I said yes, he arranged the entire wedding including having the wedding suits and sisters dress all made in my favorite color. It was a formal event, held at the court. He had a professional photographer and I have a beautiful wedding album. During my original stay and marriage, my husband a lot of the time kept me locked in the hotel room even had his Dad and sister stay with me at times, while he was out doing who knows what, supposedly working???? We went out a couple of times in Warrie, all planned out by him, and when we went back to Lagos two days before my departure he took me out to the mall, we saw a movie and had dinner. We had drinks with a friend before I left for the airport and his Dad called me to talk with me as well to say good by that the family loved me an hoped I had a safe trip home. After I left from that visit the communication really slowed down, it seemed that there would be entire weekends I did not even hear from him, like Friday through Sunday he never even answered my WhatsApp chats or phone calls.

We had several fights and many ended with me saying I was going to get an annulment, he would talk me out of it and offer excuses why there was no communication from him. The second time I visited several months later, my husband said I could not come and spend those three weeks with him in Warri, and also visit the family, we had to rent a hotel and stay in Lagos. That was a fairly good time, however; he also took a class with a guy at the hotel and had his wife stay with me in case I wondered out of the hotel compound, she would go get my husband. He also told me he would have to work while I was there and would wake up throughout the night to be on his computer, he does marketing, he tells me. That has been almost a year ago, over this last year we have had many struggles, trust issued mainly and lack of communication.

When I ask if he has another wife or girlfriend he gets insulted and will not give me a direct answer, its all in my head. Also, we used to have phone sex every couple of weeks and that abruptly stopped, he says he will wait till we are together he prefers the real thing. He says I listen too much to people around me here in the US, and I think negative of him. During one split he even had his Dad call to patch things up. But I still remain very suspicious that there is a third party involved, I know about his son from a previous relationship, but she has remarried lives in the UK and more or less abandoned the son to his grandmothers care, who hopes I will come to get him. So I don’t think he is involved with his son’s mother, but something just does not seem right. Shouldn’t he be telling me about his daily life, most of the time he will not even take my phone calls, if I had an emergency I don’t even know if the authorities could locate him. **** a couple of times he has asked for money, and I have probably sent a couple thousand over the last year and a half.

In December I submitted for his spousal visa, so it could get issued in a couple of months. **** Recently he has become more attentive and actually acts like a husband, I hear from him pretty much daily now, his new self video chats and sends me lots of pictures, his whole tone, and attitude has changed and he is very nice to me now. He moved from Warrie back to Lagos. Is it possible he had a girlfriend in Warri they broke up, he moved to Lagos to put some distance between them and so now he can focus on me or is he just being nice to get the visa???? He has traveled to South Africa to visit cousins and supposedly learning from an African restauranteur about that business, he is back in Lagos, but will be returning to South Africa and is really pressuring me to travel there to visit for a month, I sold my house and he knows I have a little cash! I have such conflicted feelings about the whole thing, of course, he always says “I love you so much”. I speak with his family his sister and me WhatsApp and occasionally I hear from his Dad.

I just can’t get the overwhelming feeling that he could be using me just to get to the US out of my mind. I have told him if I get adopt his son in the US if he should want a divorce he can’t just take his son I will parental rights. And obviously, I am too old to have children anymore, so that would be it for us, just the one son. ( another interesting fact, on the Sundays he tells me he is going to Chruch I don’t hear from him till late Monday, if at all ). Okay, all you ladies, what do you think, is it possible we could have a good, long, happy marriage or is he playing me just to get to America?.



  1. Jamiu

    July 9, 2019 at 7:04 AM

    From all you just said, I think you are in a mess madam. You should have rushed into this one and be careful about men you meet on the social media.
    Sorry to tell you what you don’t want to hear, I think you are in a wrong hand. Your boyfriend is a typical scammer.
    Report him to EFCC on time madam before he used you for green card. Dis man in question is either married or in a committed relationship. He will dump u and bring his wife to the US

  2. Jamiu

    July 9, 2019 at 7:07 AM

    Just to add something to what I said previously, if you have been giving him money, stop immediately and cut off all communication with him. By now, you might have fallen in love with him but no you have fell for a scammer. You need to read horror stories of older American women who lost all their live’s saving during romance with scammers like this. Be warned woman, if he doesn’t break your heart now, he will after securing his green cards.

    I would have been more comfortable with your relationship if a friend introduced you to him while in the US. sorry maam get out now before it is too late if not, you will lose all you used your life to work for.

  3. Gina Udeh

    July 9, 2019 at 7:08 AM

    Shirley stay away from this guy. Nigerian men don’t stay in long relationship with older women, they use and dump them. For your own sanity, leave now. The handwriting is already on the walls. Don’t fall prey. Igbo men don’t marry older women, he is using you. I’m talking from an ibo girl’s perspective. Run madam run now before it is too late. Change your number and block him.
    If you don’t, he will suck you dry and leave you broke.

  4. Dorothy california

    July 9, 2019 at 7:14 AM

    I can’t believe things like this is still happening with all the warnings from the US travel advisory, you still used your leg to work into the open hands of a scammer. You are a gullible American woman. Stay in the US and marry a man of your age. You are taking care of another woman husband. Like other commentators said, he is probably a married man or engaged to marry. It will be silly to assume that he has truly left his girlfriend for you. It won’t happen. Of all the cultures in Nigeria, Igbo men are the ones who never really marry outside of their tribes.
    Don’t allow blind love to blind your reasoning.
    Am a Nigerian in the California, this man will play you till he gets his green card and dumped you like flat iron. Even if he is telling u not to file for him yet, he is doing that to get money from you. Perhaps he has another plan.
    Dis relationship is not safe for you as a widow. Also rushing into a relationship after losing ur husband will worsen your emotional state. Give yourself time to mourn and when you are finally stable, find a man in the US.

  5. Nifemi Brooklyn

    July 9, 2019 at 7:19 AM

    D only issue I have with you Afro American women is that you change men like rapper. Your husband died last year and you have quickly rushed into another relationship to satisfy your sexual needs. You will blame yourself for this. I’m a Nigerian based in Brooklyn and even though my wife is still in Nigeria, most of you Akata women wants to get laid with me, but my commitment to my wife and kids has kept me away from your trap.
    Back to your story, are you saying there is no faithful men in America to fall in love with. Why must you all date Nigerian men. Your answer to this question will inspire my further response for now, I will say save your head and hard earned cash and quit this unhealthy relationship now. You are not compatible and he is playing on your gullibility.

  6. Princess Kehinde Aderemi

    July 9, 2019 at 7:24 AM

    Such a sad story. You just fell for a scammer. I hope u will not regret it.
    Leave now before it is too late. I believe everyone who contributed so far are Nigerians who know d situation in the country better

    • Ace

      July 9, 2019 at 9:38 AM

      He will use and dump you. An average Nigerian man would not marry an older woman.
      If you need a Nigerian man, why don’t you get one from US.
      If you live in Atlanta, New Jersey, New York, California, those are states you find more Nigerians. Go to their parties, it seems you like us, but run far from that guy. I am a Nigerian, based in Atlanta.
      Be wise, my dear.

  7. Ama

    July 9, 2019 at 12:41 PM

    Sometimes some women are so desperately looking for love anywhere that any man who will show a little bit of concern, fake affection, and caring, we just jump the gun and say, hey this is the man for me. You should notice all the going on and your surroundings, how can he keep you locked up in the hotel room and even have his family members sit or stay with you? If he is busy doing one thing or the other and cannot take you out, why cant his sister take you out and have fun.A lot of men are as desperate as the word itself, with the socio-economic problems or issues in their lives and family that they will push until they get what they wanted. Please even though you are already married, pray about this situation, use your intuition, and wisdom before you take the next step of trying to sponsor him to America. Don’t be a victim, before you cry out again saying he dumped you.

    It is unfortunate, the bad eggs are not allowing the good eggs to be seen and hatched. There a still some good men around but you need to be careful. Why spend you late husband’s memory and money on someone who treats you badly. A word to the wise is enough.

  8. Emexman

    July 10, 2019 at 2:06 AM

    Shut up, go and think, whatever your mind tells you, do it. You are above 18 years and should take decisions on your own

  9. Fifelomo

    July 10, 2019 at 5:30 AM

    One chance, arrangy settings. You have bn scammed! Run now and never look back!

  10. oby

    July 10, 2019 at 12:34 PM

    Madam, you don’t anyone to advise you, think about what has transpired with both of you and advise yourself period, and if you cant then do what you want. a word is enough for the wise. wisen up Madam.

  11. oby

    July 10, 2019 at 12:36 PM

    Madam, you don’t have to wait for anyone to advise you, think about what has transpired between both of you so far and advise yourself period, and if you cant then do what you want. a word is enough for the wise. wisen up Madam.

  12. Oby Igweatu

    July 11, 2019 at 6:22 PM

    Firstly , my condolences on the death of your husband. May the good Lord wipe your tears and comfort you on every side.
    Secondly , be still. Stop. Make out time to read your Bible, pray , ask God to forgive you, comfort you, heal you, guide you and restore you.
    Thirdly, sincerely, this Nigerian man is 99.9 % scamming you. Think back at how you started. He is a clear scammer.
    I am a Nigerian christian woman. I wish I could personally speak with you. Look at the history. Sadly , all those people may be pretending to be his Father , Sister, brother etc They are all in the game. They are all playing along.
    Nigeria’s economic situation is hard. People are looking for ways to get out. He is trying to milk from you want he borrowed and “spent ” to impress you when you visited Nigeria. Stop sending him money. You can never buy love.
    If you love him and he loves you for real, let him sacrifice for you, pay his way, and come to US.
    Stop Stop Stop Please Stop sending him money.
    Pray and God will direct your path.
    God bless you.

  13. Lola O

    July 11, 2019 at 11:31 PM

    Answer: When he gets his Permanent Resident Card (now pink color) and disappears into thin air. What use is a wrinkled pussy to a younger man? Some women are sooo gullible and senseless. Good luck, young man, make use of your one chance.

  14. Mon

    July 12, 2019 at 5:55 AM

    You will know after you guys got married, he has done all he needs to do by introducing you to his family…the good thing here is you knew he wanted to scam you, meaning he was or still a scammer, but it was averted by the reason best known to you and two of you are now in love, you have a duty to help him become a better person… In Nigeria, some people are not scammers by choice, but by circumstances, so, don’t let people deceive you by discouraging you, as an older person to him, you know what to expect.

  15. Karen

    July 13, 2019 at 8:44 PM

    This story sounds very similar to mine, is the Lexus a silver looking one.

  16. Beverly Armstead

    January 13, 2020 at 7:04 AM

    This’d information is very helpful to me; because I see myself with a young Nigeria man who’s wanting to married me an older woman. When I called he was a scammer he read me up and down and said he was that’s he wasn’t a scammer. Maybe I need to run. He’ll maybe using me as well. He’ll lives in Logos, Nigeria he a writer and editor. I really are for him and he’ll seems to love me as well . We talk on WhatsApp as well. We do have chemistry. We been talking about a year now.

    • Kuburat

      January 13, 2020 at 7:20 AM

      Watch it woman. He is only using you. Nigerian men marry older women for paper and monetary advantage

  17. frank

    May 25, 2020 at 4:30 AM

    You being played like a Piano.

  18. Frank

    May 25, 2020 at 4:32 AM

    You being played like a Piano. I’m Nigerian-American. I know my peoples and my peoples know ME. Run Sista, RUNNNNNNNNNNNNN

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