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Monday Laugh By Top Commentator Bench: How To Kill *** To Use Am Do Pepper Soup

monday laughs nigeria

Top commentator Bench has become a columnist. See his first article.

Note: This unedited article is coming directly from the desk of Bench to all his fans on NG.

Naijagist, I am having idea wey I want to sharing. Is simple idea weyris not easy upon say is a simple. The idea is call How to kill dog. Many pipuls are want to start to kill dog to use am do pepper soup. But they are not knowing how to start the lucrating business. So I am want to show pipul simple step to be killing dog.

Na step by step method wey Akwa Ibom pipuls and Calabar pipuls are use to kill dog bifor they chop am.

1) Make you first of all buy hammer.
2) Take the hammer to break coconut. If it break it only one time, know say is good. But if it not break am one time, buy another hammer bicos dog is not pity you when you want to kill am and do mistake. To bifor war is to bifor harm.

3) Find the dog wey you want to kill.
4) Make sure say you sabi the dog name, whether is Bingo or Bruno or Buhara. Make sure say you sabi the dog name so that the dog is think say you be friend.

5) Hide the hammer for your back, so that the dog is not see am.
6) Come close to the dog. As you are come close, de call the dog name and also de smile as you are call the dog name.

7) When you have come near the dog, de scratch am for head bicos that thing de sweet dog well well. You go use your left hand de scratch am and your right hand is hold the hammer weyris hide.

8) Continue to scratch am for head until the dog is close eyes small small. You know say when something is sweet you too much, your eyes is begin to close small small. So when the dog is close eyes small small, know say you don get am.

9) This step nine is call the move time. Is a very important bicos mistake is not mercy. Mistake is a hospital. So mistake is not to do. Otherwise is a pain. Bicos dog teeth fit follow you for leg or for nyash. So mistake cannot do. So step 9 is where you are ask yourself if you want to kill the dog or if you want to change your mind. If it do you dobul mind, make you stop o. But if you think am and your mind still dey to kill the dog, then do the move.

No breathe again. Still de scratch the dog with your left hand. Hold the hammer with your right hand. Tight your teeth very strong like say you de bite bone. De look that place for the dog head where you want to nak the hammer. Na only one time you go nak am. So make sure say you mershor am well. Mershor. Mershor. Mershor mershor mershor until it do you like say you are see green something for the dog head. As you just see that green thing, use all your power and nak am the hammer there. The dog go just do nweeoooooooooooooo come lie down. Na die be that.

Next time I go show us how to kill Sojaman and *******man.



  1. Omoshalewa

    July 16, 2018 at 8:59 AM

    Bench thanks I had a good laugh with this one.
    I couldn’t hold my laughter when I got to the last part where you said scratch your head.

    I really love dis.

  2. Omoshalewa

    July 16, 2018 at 9:00 AM

    Mogbe o Bench who wrote dis for you. I see your english has improved

  3. Metu Nyetu

    July 16, 2018 at 3:35 PM

    CHOI! BENCH, NAWA TO YOU! SO, OF ALL THINGS, YOU WANT to teach us how to kill dog for meat? I have one small question for you: If you kill your dog and use it for pepper soup, would you then place your fowl to guard your gate at night?

  4. osas

    July 17, 2018 at 4:22 PM

    it’s time for naija gist to honour bench with an outstanding award. chai! bench, this one enter oooo????????????

  5. Metu Nyetu

    February 10, 2022 at 8:49 PM

    Bench is my man any day, any time.

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