My Nigerian Husband Has Changed, Love Is Gone From Our Marriage Of 10 Years – Lady Laments

my husband has changed towards me

May 22, 2016 – My Nigerian Husband Has Changed, Love Is Gone From Our Marriage Of 10 Years – Lady Laments

Our marriage is almost 10 years old, but I don’t know who to turn to for advice.

The last two years I sense a change in my husband’s behaviour, but I don’t know where it comes from. His cold attitude towards me is making me nervous.

He never gave me reasons to be jealous of him so far, but I have certain doubts that he wants his freedom and whenever I try to question about the way his behavior towards me, he gets even more irritated.

He usually doesn’t go out alone, sometimes with friends, as far as I know. But I can’t explain why he doesn’t share with me and doesn’t want to talk to me like with other women. He doesn’t show any feelings towards me. I often talk about my feelings and constantly repeat how much I care about this marriage.

When I see him talk and laugh with another woman I feel painfully jealousy. How can I make him treat me as he treats others, feel his desire to be with me?

He wants to be interesting and catching for the others, but as far as I am concerned, he acts as if he doesn’t care. I can’t seem to decide why love disappears after so many years of marriage.

I feel very bad when I see him talking to another woman. I have often thought I should also find someone, but I won’t be happy, I want only him. And I know divorce is not the right decision. I ended all my contacts with friends and family, I only want to go out with him.

This has to change, but it is so difficult. Trust me, I am helpless. I even searched through his phone, just to prove my doubts, but I found nothing. He is either very discreet or I have no reason to doubt him.

I don’t even have the strength to be with another man, I feel so deeply hurt and disappointed.

Please advise on the best way to handle this.

[Tope writes from Lagos]

22 thoughts on “My Nigerian Husband Has Changed, Love Is Gone From Our Marriage Of 10 Years – Lady Laments

  1. Will really like u to check urself what got him attracted to u, was it ur look, ur outfit ur personality are u still d same person he married work on urself. and d only thing that can bring ur man home is prayer go down on ur knees and talk to God…….

  2. stop looking for trouble where there is none, you said he is not cheating why worry just live ur life and forget suspicion

  3. love is built on a solid background. Every problem has a reason and such reason has a solution, my kindid advice you try seek the cause of this sudden change of affection.

  4. Go on your kneels, ask God to restore you home. While doing that, have you checked yourself? What have you bn doing that’s not good? Are you the nagging type? Do you complain a lot? What type of clothes do u wear then? Which do do put on now? Only you and you can make thing work in ur home. Since he’s not cheating. Another man is not the next option.

  5. Find out if there is pressure from another aspect of your lives, like insecurity over his job or financial insecurity that makes him feel he is behind his mates in achievements .you say you cut off all ties with your people , family and friends. That sounds like he is everything to you and might make him feel smothered in the relationship. Perhaps you should widen your scope of interests,—– not by being unfaithful, never that for you need to respect your body whatever the circumstances. Get back in contact with your people and encourage him to get to know them better so you’ll have people who can intervene when there is a strain in your relationship.
    Ask him why he has changed, and take his answer in good faith.

  6. Welcome to NG.com. I think you need the aadvice of a professional marrige councillor if all other efforts failed.
    Thank you

    I take a stroll…

  7. My dear, I want to firstly commend you for not wanting to find another man just to even out with your husband. No matter what happens, don’t ever go there, so that when you bring you suppliant cries to God, you would not be condemning yourself. Never neglet any of your responsibilities as a wife. Make sure you continue to cook his food and serve him same. Continue to do his laundry as the case may be. Still call him those pet names you coined when your love was still young. This way, you would be heaping burning coals upon his head and guilt would force him to change. Do not forget to dress to kill! Always put on some very sexy wears whenever the both of you are alone. I hope you share the same bedroom. Nothing helps to build intimacy between couples like sharing bedroom.

    The most important virtue you need in all this is Patience. Your husband may make you feel that all your efforts are futile. But persevere! Persevere! Persevere! As long as he does not batter you physically, it is safe to remain with him and fight this battle until you win. God is your strength!

  8. Kemi why talk as if u are not a woman sorry lady? Girl like Betty said pls work on yourself and constantly go on your kneel. She needs advice not harsh words.

  9. Kemi why talk as if u are not a woman sorry lady? Girl like Betty said pls work on yourself and constantly go on your kneel. She needs advice not harsh words.

  10. Dearie you really have to work on yourself and constantly go on your kneel daily to pray your way out. You have to listen to Betty, dats the solution she just gave. Don’t do what he hates and pray for him in love. As for you kemi, she doesn’t need your harsh comment. I guess you are a lady sorry girl, you really need to work on your tongue.

  11. Dearie you really have to work on yourself and constantly go on your kneel daily to pray your way out. You have to listen to Betty, dats the solution she just gave. Don’t do what he hates and pray for him in love. As for you kemi, she doesn’t need your harsh comment. I guess you are a lady sorry girl, you really need to work on your tongue.

  12. Men are generally like that. Sometimes they are moody/cold. They at times want privacy and at those periods, keep to themselves. My dear, instead of suspecting him, work on yourself! Start doing those things that attracted you to him, if you’ve stopped them. For e.g your career/business, maybe you are just sitting at home now doing nothing, you’ve suddenly turned yourself to a full house wife; this very one irritates men, your dressing, cooking, neatness, hair styles, manner of approach, etc. And you will see him love you again.

  13. Men are generally like that. Sometimes they are moody/cold. They at times want privacy and at those periods, keep to themselves. My dear, instead of suspecting him, work on yourself! Start doing those things that attracted you to him, if you’ve stopped them. For e.g your career/business, maybe you are just sitting at home now doing nothing, you’ve suddenly turned yourself to a full house wife; this very one irritates men, your dressing, cooking, neatness, hair styles, manner of approach, etc. And you will see him love you again.

  14. hello madam, look @ the area you noy doing rigth, and there no area then yo hubby don enta one chance with Naija woman. run to God now before its too late

  15. I expect you to have studied your man after 10yrs of marriage, got to know what he sees in other women and not in you. Women that are wise will do everything possible to protect their men from “danger”. Go on your kneel and pray to God to guide you, ensure you have enough time for him, don’t be addicted to TV MOVIE while your man is suffering silently, with God all shall be well and your marriage will enjoy love and togetherness again.

  16. It is surprising that more than half of these emergency marriage councillors we have here cannot or may not do half of what they were advicing another to do in their marriage. Mere show offs on the net. Easier said than done.

    I take a stroll…

  17. What you need at this time is prayer, just be prayerful there is nothing God can not do, tell God to change him and restore the lost glory in your marriage.

    Secondly, be courageous and make yourself happy, so that you don’t die before your time. God will give your victory in Jesus Name, Amen.

  18. very serious problem. could be you have turned your back on him by refusing or constantly giving excuses in the past. Now he has learnt to endure. work on your woman carriage and you will get back to the swag

  19. Let me commend all commenters in this forum but what we taught is happening in this situation is not what actually happening. Whenever we give advise to people we need to be more honest as much as we can in order to give a better advise. Based on previous experience and facts, I will break this down in three different part. Prior to that let me inform this lady in question about some facts in relationship. Number one; Do not expect all affection that you received from your man when you newly met. There is a study that proved that the best time in any relationship is the first 5 years after that, the remaining time that you spend together is based on using scope. For example you don’t expect him to be bringing you lunch or taking you out every weekend. That will be diminishing as the relationship progresses. That does not mean that your hubby doesn’t loves you no more but it is something that happens naturally. The longer you stay together the lesser the attention you get. Secondly your husband may need some little time for himself to figure out a lot of things in his life which may not mean anything to you. May be that was the time that you needed his attention most but you may not get it at that time. So it will be better for you to let the love rebound. At least you discovered that your husband has not been flirting around. Finally as we men are aging our libido tends to decrease. We don’t normally play the game as most of our women has expected. Especially when we are getting to that middle age we think more about our accomplishment, how our children will scale through their education or job security. Any of these may be a major factor in low expectation in relationship. Now question comes what do we do next? This is the time you need to jumpstart the relationship by doing more outing, going on vacation, doing something extra to resuscitate the dying love but the thing is don’t quit, things may take little extra time to work out but don’t be forceful too. Let the nature takes its course. Inspite of all these, there is no perfect relationship, you have to make it happen.

  20. TEN YEAR IS ENOUGH, BOTH OF YOU SHOULD HAVE A BREAK , TO GO OUT THERE AND EXPERIMENT , WITH MR AND MRS JACK THE LAD. THEN YOU CAN COME BACK TO RENEW YOUR MARRIAGE.

    BECAUSE , FOR TEN YEAR YOU KEEP ON DOING THE SAME OLD COCK , AND THE COCK WANT SOMETHING NEW, HE IS TIRED OF THE SAME OLD COUNT. IT IS OUTDATED . HE WOULD LIKE TO UPDATE HA HA HA HA SORRY THE FEELING IS NO MORE THERE , EVEN IF YOU DO YOUR VOODOO IT WILL NOT BRING ME BACK .

    I JUST NEED HELP FROM MISS BLOWJOB. I AM USED TO MADAM BLOWJOB BEFORE I GOT MARRIED TO YOU.

    MY WIFE SORRY , YOU ARE USELESS IN THE BEDROOM ,WHENEVER I ASK YOU TO DO BLOWJOB , YOU WILL BE SPEAKING IN TONGUE. BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO RELIGIOUS , YOU ALWAYS SAY SEX IS A SIN

    AS SOON AS I WAS TRYING TO HUG YOU TO MYSELF ,THAT WAS THE TIME YOU WILL LIGHT YOUR CANDLE TO TALK TO HOLLY GHOST. I AM JUST SO FED UP .

    PLEASE, I NEED TO GO OUT THERE AND EXPERIENTO , I WILL SEE YOU IN SIX-MONTH.

    THIS COUPLE NEEDS TO VISIT JERRY SPRINGER SHOW AND DO THE BLOWJOB ON TOP OF THE BONNET, THEN THEIR LOVE WILL COME BACK AH AH AH HA HA HA

  21. Check urself my dear,,make corrections where ever necessary, show him deeper love,respect & understandin through ur actions without standin on his way.Pray like never b4 & listen more 2 God now than any man,,trust me. He’s observin everythin u do now,& definitely’ll turn 2u again.
    But a whole lot depends on u,even if he’s havin an affair ur ability 2 work on urself with God’s principle,no matter how painful,,’ll restore ur marriage. Am so glad u’re not considerin divorce,it’s d right thing u’re doin,,!
    God be with u my Dear,u’re blessed,,!

    #it’s alright,,!

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