Practicing Abstinence After Divorce: How To Stay Sexually Pure After Divorce Until Next Marriage
The process of getting a divorce can be long and tiring. Usually after the paper works, court appearances, assets evaluation, both parties are drained. They may decide to stay low in order to recuperate before venturing into a new relationship. This is perfectly normal and healthy because you need to heal properly before letting anyone in again
Therefore, if you decide to practice abstinence before remarrying, then this article is for you. It would guide you on how to stay celibate, tips on how to get over the mess a divorce can cause, and how to live an active and healthy life.
While waiting for the next marriage, you would not just sit and fold your arms till the next man or woman comes along.
Below are few tips to help you stay active while sailing through the murky waters of a post divorce.
a). Accept It: This is probably the toughest part especially if you are not the one filing. You need to however accept it because brooding over it would not change anything instead, such feelings may lead to anger, bitterness and resentment.
b). Focus on Yourself: Prior to the divorce, you may have always been worried about your spouse and taking their feelings into consideration at all times. The good news now is you have just you to be worried about. Take good care of yourself, take some moments to introspect. This is very good for inward rejuvenation.
c). Get a Hobby: Yes, this is very important. Get something to distract and keep you busy. It could be learning a new cuisine, joining a book club, sports etc. Whatever makes you happy, go for it. This would give you a breath of fresh air.
d). Get Adventurous: You heard it. Have you ever thought of going on that holiday, mountain climbing, or to another country? Then this is the moment you have been waiting for. Remember, you may only get this chance once in your life time therefore, seize it.
e). Be Open to Meeting People: This part should ideally be the last consideration or at least after due consideration. The fact that a divorce has happened does not mean you should completely close up.
However, you must make sure you have healed completely and is now willing to get into a new relationship. This is to ensure that do not carry the mistakes of the previous relationship into the new one. Having seen how to get through a divorce, the next step would be on how to stay celibate till a next marriage.
This stage is a gradual process. As psychologists advice, do not be in a hurry to get into a fresh relationship. In fact they are of the opinion that remarriage should happen from two years and above.
To achieve this, take a step back to do some mental and emotional sorting. If you have children, this should be the time to channel every attention to them. Decide when you are ready to remarry. As long as you are sure it is not out of envy or retaliation to your ex, then it is perfectly okay.
How do you know if you are ready for another marriage?
a). When You Are Actually Interested in Dating: This is essentially the first sign. You may meet a lot of fantastic people but would not even look their way. However, when you notice that you are beginning to think of dating, then you just might be ready for a remarriage.
b). When You Have Let Go: You cannot carry all the hurt, anger and resentment from a previous relationship into the new one. This would only be a recipe for disaster. It is only when you have processed everything that you can truly know you are ready.
c). Hanging Out: This is surely a means to meet people. Be it at a dinner, a club etc you are bound to meet eligible men or women there. The moment you are comfortable enough to be in a social gathering again, then you just might be ready to remarry.
Staying celibate is no easy task. It is one that requires a great deal of self-control and it comes with some benefits:
a). Defined Goals: Your goals are better defined because like it or not, sexual intimacy are powerful emotions capable of clouding the senses. In its absence therefore, you can have clear-cut goals plus how to achieve them..
b). More Freedom: You have the whole twenty four hours to yourself. This means more time management and less stressful schedule to deal with. You are now in charge of your dreams and you dominate them instead of the other way round.
c). Relationship Gets Better: When you have decided to stay celibate, your relationship gets better because you both know you are in for celibacy hence, there is no ulterior motive. What you see is what you get.
Having seen these benefits, it is strongly advised that divorcees stay celibate and chaste until next marriage. This way, they come into it clean and whole again, as if it were the first time.