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Probacus: Akpabio And The Musketeers


Probacus: Akpabio And The Musketeers


In the last few weeks, the nation has been agog with revelations and counter revelations of huge fraudulent activities happening in various government agencies and parastatals. It’s like a movie playing before our eyes, and it seems we’d continue to enjoy the action for some time to come.

Thank God we have a proactive Speaker of the House of Representatives leader in Mr Femi Gbajamiala and he has taken the bull by the horn to constitute a probe panel into how funds are appropriated by government agencies. Nigerians would have had no idea what beautiful scenes were playing behind the everyday scenes we see to cause the mess that Nigeria is in today.

The first to make the headlines was former EFCC chairman Mr Ibrahim Magu, the supposedly incorruptible corruption warrior. Sadly, he proved to be one of the arch-enemies of president Buhari’s corruption fight owning two hundred houses, over seven oil tankers and over 7 million dollars. Truly for Magu, maga paid.

Finally, President Mohamadou Buhari would have the wherewithal to push Magu out of his stronghold. That juju expired or he did not pay the indian whiz well or on time? And he had to cool off under that bunker, that dreaded bunker.

Then came the NDDC saga. Oh yes! Mr Akpabio the uncommon minister had vowed that he would create an uncommon scene as Minister of the Niger Delta. His goal? No one knows. We are not surprised that Akpabio can be such a good actor. But a corruption watchdog? We have to wait to hear the end of this.

First, Mr Akpabio ordered forensics into the account files of NDDC digging up twenty years of financial malpractice that has kept the Niger Delta underdeveloped despite the huge financial flow that has been arriving into its purse. The man knew from the start that he was going to step on really big toes and he has done just that. Then he dug up and dug up and dug up, and what he saw was a heap of corruption dust that he concluded, mmh, this is bigger than anything I have ever seen.

Joy Nunieh would blast us with how she refused to sleep with Akpabio despite all his approaches towards her and she made us believe he was a really bad man because the guy was digging and digging and trying to dig into places that he shouldn’t dig into. I hope you understand what I mean.

What happened with the NDDC acting chairman? The man just slumped, he had eaten too much money, that he got choked. Imagine taking care of yourself with 1.32 billion Naira as a result of Covid 19. What did he eat in the last five months that 1.32 billion will disappear from the purse of the NDDC? And he said it was “only” 1.32 billion not 1.5 billion. That “only” na him pain me pass. If you want to eat money, eat it well and be strong enough to defend the money you’ve eaten.

And then the uncommon Akpabio arrived the probe room all eyes gazing at him. That’s the man, that’s the man, the people were yelling in their hearts before their television screens. The House of Representative members would finally get the man to sit on the hot seat after failing to show up severally after been invited to the higher chamber of the senate. He chose to show up before the lower chamber, a good thing though, a sign that he is becoming humble. The representatives would have been expecting to do a fast one on Akpabio but Akpabio had other plans.

The moment the probe chairman said “shoot”, Akpabio was up and running with his anti-corruption drive since he arrived the Niger Delta Ministry. And he was talking and talking and nobody could stop him, not even the chairman.

The House of Representative members could hardly stand Akpabios foray into the Nigeria constitution and the financial dealings of the NDDC. All they could do was shout “its okay, its okay”. What is okay? I was wondering, those reps were trying to hide something and they guessed Akpabio was about to unleash the “secrets”.

For Akpabio to declare that the corruption in the NDDC was on a massive scale, it certainly is. For those who know Akpabio, he does not hide the truth when it has to do with money. I heard someone say, perhaps he was doing this because he did not profit from the NDDC system or he is hunting his enemies who he knows had soiled their hands in many of the dirty deals that characterize the NDDC. Na dem sabi.

And then the hammer hit the nail. All the while Akpabio was playing around the real issue. But he finally decided that it was the right time to tell at least one truth. After all the movie was been watched across the world, and he had this one opportunity to create the best impression of himself. Finally he said “60% of those contracts awarded have the names of rep members on it”. Gbakam, rep members became jittery.

They shouldn’t have invited that man in the first place, I could hear some of them whisper. They should have been sure they had no skeletons in their cupboard before they called out the uncommon revealer.

You will love the part where the Speaker of the House of representatives ordered that Akpabio released the names of those representatives involved in this grand scam within 48 hours.

Verily, verily, Mr Akpabio like a confused musketeer would appear on television the next day to claim that he made no sixty percent allusions to the house of representatives. it seemed he was dancing to an unknown tune from some where. We will know very soon.

Did we not hear Akpabio well? Well, Akpabio is not new to things like this. He knows how to state and unstate so we can pardon him if he forgot that he said what he said. But we heard him right and Mr Gbaji too could not have been deaf.

It cannot be possible that Akpabio can make such silly jokes on the image of the House of Representatives, Mr Gbaji mused to himself. Let the lawyers do their job and charge the musketeer with libel, the man order.

Akpabio knew water don pass garri. He will either have to release that list or get ready to rot in prison. I know all those people who knew their name was on that list certainly went behind to beg the man. But this one don big pass to beg. When Akpabio’s political future is been threatened, he can do anything and he did.

Finally, Finally, that list came out that’s got Nigerians thinking what’s wrong with our leaders.

The movie continues

Ekekere is a writer, author and teacher. Contact him on,

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