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Abuja Lawyer Condemns Increasing Rate Of Divorce Among Nigerians, Urges Churches To Do Counselling
September 20, 2016 – Abuja Lawyer Condemns Increasing Rate Of Divorce Among Nigerian Couples, Urges Churches To Do Counselling
Mrs. Theresa Mbanifo, a Lawyer based in Abuja has cautioned against rising cases of divorce petitions in the country.
Mbanifo in Dutse, Abuja, on Tuesday, said that with exceptions of abuse in marriages, spouses must learn to tolerate each other’s eccentricities.
She identified the causes of divorce to include wife battering, intolerance and infidelity, among others.
According to her, relevant institutions, groups and agencies must embark on campaign against causes of divorce, while sensitising couples on the need to be tolerant and patience.
“For me, I expect to see less divorce cases in courts as we begin this new legal year.
“In as much as it is our job to fight for or against cases like that while earning a living in the process, I plead with spouses to think thoroughly before filing such petitions.
“Some of us still believe in the institution of marriage, if not, for the sake of other parties involved like the children.
“I must say, it is disheartening to see homes break up after several years of togetherness but if any party is being abused in the process, why not.”
Mbanifo also called on churches to do more of counselling on divorce than soliciting for funds, adding that churches were the foundation on which the home was built
She, however, said that spouses must look up to God in times of crisis, adding that mutual understanding among spouses was a basic ingredient for any successful marriage.
[NAN]
Endure
September 20, 2016 at 5:46 PM
Mrs therisa mbanifor indeed your comment shows how Godly and God fearing you are. The undeniable fact is that there is a sharp rise in the rate of divorce in the country. many religious leaders indeed can be of great help in saving many marriages that is heading for rock if the topic of marriage is always stressed in those places of worship.
On the other hand the couple themselves should be willing to accept,forgive and forget any mistakes committed by the other.
Of course the only scriptural bases for dissolving marriages is due to unremorseful partner who is busy engaging in a questionable misconducts such as infidelity in marriage without conscience or committing adultery. The rest can be managed and be worked upon for more unification if only it is based on forgiveness and love.
If only this vital point and truth is always stressed by marriage counselors and religious organisation,we will see many spouse tolerating one another of there imperfection thereby cementing there love in marriage. And the alarming rate of the marriage crash we now witness in our country will drop to some degree.
D Hunter
September 20, 2016 at 6:00 PM
A WOMAN:
-changes her name,
-changes her home,
-leaves her family,
-moves in with you,
-builds a home with you,
-gets pregnant for you,
-pregnancy changes her body,
-she gets fat,
-almost give up in the labour room due to the unbearable pains of child birth.
-even the kids she delivers bears your name.
Till the day she dies:- everything she does, cooking, cleaning your house, taken care of your parents, bringing up your children, earning, advising you, ensuring you can be relaxed, metaining all family relations, everything that benefits you, sometimes at the cost of her own health, hobbies and beauty.
So who is doing whom a favour?
DEAR MEN, Pls appreciate the Women in your lives always because it is not easy to be a woman.
Being a woman is priceless. This is to every woman in your contact to make her feel proud of herself.
A salute to all the ladies out there.
WOMAN means:
Wonderful mother.
Outstanding friend.
Marvelous Daughter.
Adorable sister.
Nicest gift to men from God.
Every Man should know the value of a Woman. That will make your woman feel proud.
Untill a man can produce life, he should NEVER disrespect or maltreat a woman.
D Hunter.
Patricia
September 21, 2016 at 10:17 AM
D Hunter, thanks for this wonderful piece. To know one man cares mean a million.
Adama
September 20, 2016 at 6:22 PM
A woman meets a man- after 5years of dating they decide to marry which they did. All along the woman had no idea the man had a child and was previously married.
After they married the woman had a child. Then her friend tells her that she knows her husbands family and knows that the man has a child and Was married.
The woman asked the man who denies this. She asks his family including his mother and elderly sister who all denied it and called her friend a lier.
Then she falls out with her friend because she believed the man and his family. 3monthd down the line she finds out on Facebook that the man indeed has a 15year old child with his previous wife.
Then when she confronts his family- the same elder sisters who told her it was all a lie then turn on her and tells her it is because she intimidates the man that’s why he lied to her.
Well- this happened 2 years ago and they are still together, since she found out about his child he has forbid her from talking about or asking about the child. Saying it is not her business.
His family talk to the child and her mother but she is not allowed to talk to them or talk about them. She was even told by the child’s mother that he has another child with another woman.
Big Aunty Koks
September 20, 2016 at 7:37 PM
The article is very true. Serious re_orientation is needed among the populace starting from youth through all age grades. Even the building of the Nation starts with the building of family units and inculcation of good values in the people that make up family units.
Sometimes, life itself happens and stresses the togetherness in families, for example, both parents need to work to make famille ends meet and I the process quality family time is reduced and they do not sit together to talk to each other or to their children to impart real values as done in days past. These days, some couples even take turns going abroad to take on jobs. The man goes off for half a year and as he is returning , the woman goes.
Yes , counselling is needed to assist people learn how to balance the needs and to cope. May God help us!
Big Aunty Koks
September 20, 2016 at 7:41 PM
@D Hunter that is a sweet and yet practical comment you made there. Bless you! Perhaps you should make it available to the counselling for use. May your wisdom continue to increase !!!
Joy
September 20, 2016 at 8:05 PM
He that findeth à wife findeth à good thing some men do not Know what it means to find à wife i feel sorry for such men
Tendy
September 20, 2016 at 9:07 PM
Cheating is d number one cause. Yes I know many men cheat buh must u rub it on ur woman’s face nd even if u don’t, u shouldn’t even be unfaithful in d first place. I can’t seem to understand y I would leave my fathers house, endure d 9mnths stress, train ur children and live my life for u just to come find out u cheating on me with my friend, sister, relative or someone somewhere else? Now how on earth do u want me to forgive and trust u all over again “#now that’s me being realistic” but my dear, it’s not easy. And that’s y I really love #D_Hunter’s comment on this.
I think d next frequent cause is pushing blames and not admitting ones fault, even if ur right “at least sometimes couples need to make peace their priority and not quarrels” Once one is @fault, u should apologize quickly or before u both go to bed so u don’t wake up with yesterdays anger and aggression.
*For the men, do not make her ur slave. Women get tired too and deserve to rest, a lot of rest. U can’t come home late and expect her to wake up and prepare what u feel like eating when she made something already according to d food time table, sometimes u should do d cooking urself. U could also share d cooking time table for e.g like cooking on weekends, ur kids would surely love daddy d more for making brkfst for them.
*For d women. Ur husband deserves 100% respect from u, and u ought to give him that always whether ur in a good mood or not. Men love ladies who respect them sincerely and that keeps d marriage going.
Lastly, do not put ur parents, relatives, frnds and sometimes even d kids first, before ur marriage. Those are third parties, and yes ur kids can be a third party a times.
God bless all marriages and keep those ones heading for d rocks from crumbling. May we have a forgiving heart and a prayerful spirit IJN Amen
Metu Nyetu
September 20, 2016 at 9:57 PM
MAY THE LORD BLESS this Mbanifo woman for this insight. When the churches now beam all focus on seed sowing, what do we expect in the society? It is more or less because of the hardship in Nigeria today that many people answer men of God. I could say that 60% of our so-called pastors today would have been busy in other endeavours if things were easier in this country.
DIVORCE IS one word that has transformed from a taboo into a fashionable word. Christians should do everything to make sure that their marriages typify the relationship between God and the church. No matter how sinful the church is, God continues to love her. Men should take note of this. But women should learn to control their tongues. The main reason for wife battering is talking back to your husband when he is talking. A particular woman once shared here how she saved her marriage by putting a guard at her mouth. Other women should emulate that.
MEN ON THEIR ON SIDE SHOULD learn to stick to their wives. I have noticed that men defile the marriage bed more than women do. I love D Hunter’s approach to this. Men should try and appreciate the woman that dumped her father’s name because of their husbands’. That is one sacrifice I can never imagine.
YET I WILL not conclude without saying that divorcees are not free to later settle down with individuals other than the ones they had divorced from. That is the bible. A 21st century thinker may argue about this, but the bible is timeless. How I wish that the church would stop glossing over divorce and face it squarely as it is today! If Christians know this, they would:
1) Take their time before saying I Do
2) Put more effort in making sure that their marriage works.
fancy
September 20, 2016 at 10:03 PM
@tendy i love ur comment bt my dear most men cheat som r polygamist bt not all in nature no doubt aabt dt bt i do advice women pls DONT TAG UR HAPPINESS to any men he can fail u , luk for wat wi make u happy an kip doing it, as a man if christ dwell in u dere is no way u wi think of cheating GOD bless nigeria, GOD everibody an GOD bless everi marriage
Mon
September 21, 2016 at 1:31 AM
This is a very serious problem indeed, you guys who commented has said it all but i have to add few words.
People who want to become married to one another should understand it’s not a bed of roses, it’s about two different individual coming together to appreciate,share, learn from each other and also build together,and we all have to understand that in process of this happening,misunderstanding will sometimes arise,therefore patient must be applied which is an indication that marriage is for matured minds, furthermore,any marriage that is founded on lies or insincerity will definitely crash,unless there is confession and repentance to the other party.
Again,in this age of technology, what we think are very useful still have their own disadvantages,especially Cell Phone and social networks, so people should stop emulating everything the read or hear as you never know the circumstances with the person who wrote or said those things, and if you think it’s useful, try to filter/dilute them to suit you and your hubby.
Now this is very serious, most of this fake pastors and fake native doctors are the cause of this marriage problem saga, they will feed the woman/man with lies because of their vested interest, either they are having affair with the woman or the man is contributing financially to their church. Please people need to know that they only have to put their trust in God and not in so called pastors,especially those that call themselves prophet, do not believe them,they are only guessing.
Finally, there must be mutual respect and putting God first from both party.
Chris
September 21, 2016 at 7:09 AM
Woman please try to respect your husband he will treat you like a queen.
fifelomo
September 21, 2016 at 8:07 AM
Beautiful writes-up. Love is a beautiful thing, necessary pre-cautions has bn mentioned above. May God bless us with the right spouse, with that I don’t think anyone will opt for divorce. More so, we should learn to tolerate one another, two captain cant be in the same boat.
Tendy
September 21, 2016 at 10:12 AM
Thanks #fancy and ur right too. It ain’t good to put all happiness on one person cos we’re all humans and we make mistakes. God help us all
sola olaniyi
September 21, 2016 at 11:58 AM
lovely piece Mrs Theresa
James Brown
September 21, 2016 at 1:32 PM
I had read all your comments as lengthy as they were. , Here is the solution to high rate of divorce.
“Let the man love his Wife, Let the wife Submit to her husband
And let the children obey there Parents.”
That is Biblical Solution to Marriage issues.
Vm
September 22, 2016 at 1:51 PM
am happy 4 what D hunter said too some extent it Good too appreciate d woman but i believe both party need appreciation cuz is not dat easy for d man aswel & again what we arw prassing d woman 4 is her duties not d mans duties d only error d man wud made dat i see is wrong is matreating her or abusing her as 4 me wen a man marry a woman dey become one so if d man wakes up and beats his wife d man has beat himself tooo me….. so