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Why Is The Nigerian Igbo Man Am Dating Hiding Me From His Family – African-American Woman Asks
Sept 9, 2014 – “I’m Dating A Nigerian Igbo Guy But He Won’t Introduce Me To His Mother” – African-American Lady
African-American Lady Dating A Nigerian Igbo Man Worried He’s Hiding Her From His Family
I have been dating my Igbo guy for 11 months and he has been everything that I wanted in a guy. He communicates with me daily via text/call, we see each other at least 2-3 times a week depending on our work schedule. Last what I love the most is whatever he says he’s going to do he does it. If I need anything he’s there. He does not say I love you often, but he greets me with a kiss every time I see him and he does show affection so I am ok with that.
However my issue is in the 11 months I have known him I have not been to his house, or met any of his family. I know that he works and what he does, but I don’t know where it is located. His mother lives with him right now and he has shared with me that his mother wants him to marry and African woman because his brother married a Jamaican woman and since his parents were in Nigeria at that time they had no say on it.
But now since she lives in the states I assume she wants her opinion to be known. He has shared that he has been getting a lot of backlash from his family about dating an African American woman.
He’s told me that he’s wanted to invite me a couple of times and he would have his mom to cook, but he always changes his mind. His family has impacted at least 50% of his reasons for me not meeting them or visiting his home. I am seeking advice from other African men/women and African American women who have experienced this or know why they are like this.
P.S. He is a citizen now, he obtained his citizenship in 2007 on his own not through marriage. Majority of his family is in the US besides 1 brother and 1 sister. So I am sure he is not trying to scam me, because he has never asked me for a dime.
Babs
September 9, 2014 at 3:48 PM
Well i guess he love you but his family are not in support of the relationship…you have to be prayerful if he’s yours God will make it happen…Goodluck.
Oyin
September 9, 2014 at 3:52 PM
Hi dear
I am glad you know hes not trying to scam you.(not all Nigerian are scammers). Majority of African-non-American Parents still have the ideology that African-American women(AAW) are ….crazy (straight up) with their lack of respect for elders and culture; and when it comes to the family of an igbo man; his mom matters and most Nigerian mothers feel African-American women dont want their kids involved because most AAW end up ruining their grown-up kids life by calling cops on them during couples arguments,not letting the family stay with them and so on.
I really understand where you are coming from as i have few African-American friends and they are not like this….so my advice to you is ….Give him time, you have only been dating him for 11months, dont worry too much about meeting his mom (but girl u need to know his house) and just enjoy your relationship. I hope this helps
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OLU
September 9, 2014 at 3:54 PM
Ms. African-American Lady: Citizenship not through marriage or by parental sponsorship? This doesn’t add-up, life is full of risk, tread with caution and be able to deal with “Igbo Pride.”
Damien Njoku
September 9, 2014 at 3:56 PM
Be kiaful sister most men will cheat at the slightest opportunity may be he loves you for being able to satisfy him in bed.
He might have a wife at home
Kunle
September 9, 2014 at 3:58 PM
The man is a married man.
mrs ohio alias mrs ERANKO
September 9, 2014 at 4:04 PM
I WOULD ADVISE YOU TO KEEP AWAY FROM THIS GUY AND HIS MOTHER AND HIS VILLAGE , PLEASE DO NOT EVER GO THERE , IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO SEE THE DEMON.
I WOULD ALSO ADVISE YOU TO HIRE AMERICAN CHEATERS SPY , TO HELP YOU SPY ON HIM , BECAUSE, HIS MOTHER MIGHT HAVE BROUGHT WIFE FOR HIM , FROM NIGERIA. THEY MAY BE LIVING .
HE MAY BE LIVING WITH HIS WIFE ,SOME OF THEM ARE PLAYERS, AND THEIR MOTHER ARE DIABOLICAL , THEY ARE NO HUMAN AT ALL .
PLEASE, DO NOT FOLLOW HIM TO THEIR VILLAGE , IT IS VERY DANGEROUS , THEY MAY TIE YOU DOWN , AND DONATE YOUR HEAD TO THE SHRINE OF OGUGU .
SOME IGBO GUYS ARE JUST GOOD FOR A PLAY MATE , USE THEM AND DUMP THEM.
BUT ,IT MAY BE VERY BRUTAL IF YOU WANT TO MARRY THEM, IF YOU ARE NOT THE SAME TRIBE AS HIM .
PLEASE , DO NOT EVER DREAM OF GETTING MARRIED TO THIS GUY. PLEASE , STAY AWAY
Amanda
September 9, 2014 at 10:33 PM
I don’t like what you said. This is not encouraging. The world should be reconciling NOT despising one another. I much prefer Oyin’s comment, the 2nd comment. Mrs. ERANKO, you are truly *****. Don’t let tribal sentiment cloud your judgement. Walaikum Salam
Okorie Okpa
September 10, 2014 at 10:30 AM
Is this the best time to show how **** you are?
tell_it_like_it_is
September 10, 2014 at 11:38 AM
Your comment is really bitter and full of hate. whats with u and Ibo men? look around you, this is 2014 and stop being tribalistic.And FYI, i am not Ibo
Toto
September 9, 2014 at 4:33 PM
Yes I quite agree with mrs Ohio I am an Igbo woman that man so called mother is his wife there are no two words about it Igbo pole love their tribe Goodluck
obinna
September 9, 2014 at 4:35 PM
those nnaas never marry outside their tribe. how can he marry you? when there are millions of nkechi,chioma,ifeoma,onyeye and others in the village.
obinna
September 9, 2014 at 4:36 PM
i used to think that benini girls are crazy untill i meet african american women.
ugo
September 9, 2014 at 4:38 PM
That is how you people go round with tribal sentiment thinking that you are destrying **** People but on the flip side you are showing your stupidity.
mulikat
September 9, 2014 at 4:58 PM
My Gal,Africa America,i wish u good luck,dont think because kerry white marry *** guy then u will be happy to marry ***,man no kerry white she is a star,that is reason.u date him for 11 month,u dont know is name, he have a *** wife at home,that mother he said ,is wife that just enter State.more over we other tribes ,we have same passport Nigeria,both simply we are not ***, they dont want their son to marry outside their tribe,not to say u Africa-America,and no name ,forget it,that is *** for u.
mulikat
September 9, 2014 at 5:08 PM
that is *** for u,only if u have name,money and star no problem about tradition,if not they will not allowed their son to marry none *** woman.
OLAOSEBIKAN
September 9, 2014 at 5:09 PM
I sympathise with your course African American young lady, your Igbo man is being a lot more cautious in going the full hawl with you not because he does not love you but he has grown to know too well the cross cultural differences that exist between Nigerians and Americans which undoubtedly sets the Nigerian apart from the Americans as far as marriage is concerned. Nigerians, particularly the Igbo tribe derive a lot of strengh in building around extended ancestoral family leaniage, which though exist in the USA but are culturally made ineffective and largely strongly prevented by the American spouse.
Your Igboman though still loves you but has found himself fixed between two cultures. He will most certainly be ostracised if he dares abandons the traditions of his people for the love of a woman who will not respect the culture of Igbo people. Even with different Nigerian tribes, it takes a lot of guts and courage to venture into cross culture marriages because of these entrenched cultural values. Africans generally, not only Nigerians place a lot of premium on ancestoral values and that is where African American young lady will find a lot difficulty in getting her Igboman to the altar. Cases abound where those African men who have settled for African Americans and even White American as wives who have completely lost touch with home and cultures of their people.
Their wives sitting in the comfort zone of protective spousal laws of America do not encourage their men to ever look back to the land of their birth and that is where the problem is. You have a very good person in your Igboman who from your own account is genuine with his love for you but you still need to address yourself to the culture he represents back home. Wishing you goodluck.
star
September 9, 2014 at 5:59 PM
My dear **** guys are not to be trusted, he already has a wife, i was once in ur shoes, i’m a full nigerian girl but his mother is still talk about tribe, @ 41 his mother still controls him, not even a child or wife but his mother is not bother about that, i hate d day i fell in love with an **** guy, they are womanizer too, forget d good face his showing, if his not benefiting from u, u wont see his break light, trust me
ad
September 9, 2014 at 6:12 PM
PLEASE LET’S BE ECONOMICAL WITH THE WORD-USE , WETHER IN ADVISE OR OTHERWISE… IF A LADY HAS PUT AN ARTICLE ON A SOCIAL NETWORK SITE LIKE THIS, EXPLAINING HER EMOTIONAL BATTLES, IT IS ONLY WISE TO BE CONSIDERATE….. IF THIS CANNOT BE ACHIEVED, PLEASE DON’T PLACE A COMMENT.. I AM NOT AN IBO, BUT AN AFRICAN … AFRICAN, WETHER IBO OR NOT , ARE NOT ALL SHRINE WORSHIPPERS PLEASE, THERE ARE GOOD AND BAD EVERYWHERE…. WE ALL SHOULD PRAY TO MEET THE RIGHT AND GOOD PERSON WE SO MUCH DESIRE IN OUR HEARTS… CONTINENT OR TRIBE HAS GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH IT…. IT ALL DEPENDS, AFTER ALL YOU GOT SERIAL KILLERS IN THE WESTERN WORLD, WOULD WE SAY IT IS THE SHRINE IN THE COUNTRY HOME , THAT INFLENCED THE SERIAL KILLER?… NO. GIVING GOOD ADVICE TO COMFORT THIS LADY IS MUCH MORE APPRECIATED NOT THE OPPOSITE PLEASE
frank
September 9, 2014 at 8:42 PM
My sister,am not trying to destroy ur propose marriage but am trying to telling u nothing but d truth.u can not date a responsible guy for one month without knowing his house,my dear open ur eyes very very well u ll notice dat there is sometin around u dat he wants.let look at it from dis way if he loves u as u claim,there is a way he can introduce u to his mother without know dat u guys re dating,mean he can introduce u as a co worker,a neighburs or co church member.from there u ll bcoms familia wit d mother. since he knows dat his mother ll not welcom african american woman.gradually u can win her mind from there.my sister I dnt see any love there rather dan, pains,tears,disappointment,distruction nd dealth.bcos wen he got watever u he wants he may likely kill u nd relocate back to nigeria with his so called wife mother.ibo man can pretend for many years to get wat he wants frm u.pls be very very careful
Bj
September 9, 2014 at 9:36 PM
ad,i agree with you that in the process of giving advice one should be humane and highly sensitive but the point still remains that one should not economize the truth.My point is the guy is either married or in a serious relationship,my lady be truthful to yourself even in this case you don’t need any advice from anybody 1.For good eleven months you don’t know where he stays…..how logical is that.2)he wanted to invite you but changes his mind……why?eleven months is not eleven days my dear lady.Please appreciate yourself beautiful or not,your self confidence is essential,forget what he is giving and not given and move on with your life this type of guys are time wasters.God will sure compensate you with a good guy that truly loves you and proud of you.
Clotilde
September 9, 2014 at 10:24 PM
I get your point my dear sis and i can understand how u feel. In a relationship, communication matters a lot. I will suggest u sit him down and have a serious talk with him. Ask him why he is keeping u from meeting with his family. Talk to him calmly and not harshly and listen to him carefully too to know if his reason (s) is/are genuine. His reason may be tangible and let him know how it makes u feel for not meeting with his family.
It is from your talk with him that u will be able to discern if he is clean.
I must tell u that a guy taking u to meet his family shows how sincere he is with u ( make him understand this point too).
Tm
September 10, 2014 at 12:13 PM
Why do some stupid people in ****** land hate ******man?…i have been far and wide,i have help ****** man alot and a ****** man have do me the same…why do some people are not ashame to bring out hatred in public?,ok lets compare and contrast,is there any crime in this world that a ****** man is free of? I want an answer ,stupid******is it not a ****** man that kill british soldier in england? As for some stupid arlmajiri ******,is it not ****** man that plan christmas bombing in america 2010,as you point ****** guy a finger,the rest 4 fingers paint you black as well,its not all****** people that are bad,and not all ****** are wicked,its not all ****** are terrorist,everybody have good and bad side,thats why we are imperfect,coming to diabolic ,****** people did not reach ****** that sell human parts up till today,they do not reach ****** that gun cant kill during maitasin crissis,what do we saying…if you are envy to the success of ****** man,you will live and die poor,find something for yourself…if you dont****** people ask your self what would nollywood nigeria movie industry is like without ******?,what is nigeria movies industry like without ******?,befor you talk i want you to remember that even your family is not stable come to think of others,not all ****** people believe in couture marriage,we are civillized people,i know countless guys that married white women and be in peace till today..the scrotum sack of our ancestors are not made for sacrify..so if you know your tribe is best and free of crime and badnews chanlenge me on public debate..i dont believe in backword..lets face the reality…
mag
September 10, 2014 at 1:03 PM
**** people discriminate,they dnt like to inter tribal marriage,their character is everywhere,even here in Ghana they are known for that,always they would bring wife from village give them,wetin sef! when they evn find luv because of their archaic culture,they are ctrld.marrying an **** is hell,the entire family go kill you. Switch to **** rather,cos they know all are one! In Ghana,Tribal differences is in da past,anybody marries frm any tribe,bcs they undrstne dat those mind archaic! **** pple change.
pretti
September 10, 2014 at 2:42 PM
that man is married dear, careful
Wani25
September 10, 2014 at 7:19 PM
Just Leave D Guy & Contact Me I Will Do More Dat Him & Take U To My Great-Grand Mum & Great-Grand Dad Shaa.
superstar
September 12, 2014 at 10:01 AM
Sister, be careful, dt man is married. God’ll help u shaa!
Concern friend
September 12, 2014 at 11:26 AM
Pls be careful. When a man tells you my mother is at home she will not like to meet you, you should be on the run, for that so called mother is his wife who fight better than Mike Tyson, can bite and eat you up in a minute or possibly the ruler of the house who can beat him up like a baby, sentence him to house imprisonment like a condemn criminal in jail for life or send him back to the street where he pick him from. Wake up my dear, you did not know his house, where we works, friends, sister and brother that lives not far away from him not even by accident or pretense, he did not introduce you as coworker or anything just for you to be close to his abode, everything is happening in your house and your circle and you called this luv. I beg by the time this man will disappear you will not find his face on America database not to talk of his name. You are close to your grave girl, when he get what he want you will be so batter and broken that no drug or therapy will get you out of your misery. Be wise my dear lady. Here in Nigeria we walk with our eyes going 360 degree from our head. FBI will not be able to help you when he is through with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gracie
September 18, 2014 at 12:59 AM
My dear, I would advice you to look elsewhere. I am a Nigerian, and I know Igbo men don’t often marry outside, especially now that your guy is a citizen already, he does not need any help from you. Please! Please!! Please!!! Leave and try your luck elsewhere, his mom surely has a strong hold on him.
Kimbelle
October 12, 2014 at 5:20 AM
When a man loves you he will move heaven and earth for you. I know that most Nigerian men respects their mother’s opinion; however, in the end it’s the man desicion and not his familie. Personally, I still feel like that’s not a good enough reason to hide his place of residence unless he is hiding something ( most likely he is).
Nkechi
December 25, 2014 at 3:44 AM
Hi dear.
I am an African American woman who was once married to an Igbo man… I know all too well what you are dealing with. My ex used me for green card though. He hid me away from all his family, I never spoke to any of them in four years, and he hid his workplace and schedules away from me too. He was furious when I actually did indicate on facebook that we were married.
But especially since your guy is already a citizen and he’s still hiding you is an indication that he has no intentions on marrying you. Even if he truly cares about you he’s too stuck in his own culture to consider you a possibility for marriage. Most Africans have preconceived notions about African Americans and are not at all interested in learning anything about our culture. If you really want him, though, you will have to do everything you can to learn about his culture. Learn the language, learn to cook the food (especially learn to cook the food), and learn everything you can about their traditions and customs…Oh…and you MUST be willing to move back to Nigeria with him if that’s his desire.
I am now dating another Igbo man and everything is completely different this time around. When an Igbo man loves you and wants to marry you, you won’t have to ask him to meet his mother, or his father, or his sisters or brothers. In my first marriage I started learning Igbo, had learned to cook a few dishes (the best I could with American ingredients), and studied their history and culture. My new guy could not be more amazed that this akata chick is so much like a girl from his village, he thought I was lying at first about where I was from.
And a side note: if you really want marriage with an Igbo man and a lasting relationship, make sure you are both strong Christians. It is the only thing that can move both of you past your own cultures so that you can both live in Kingdom Culture. Being on the same page spiritually will negate all cultural differences that would cause problems.
Angela
January 29, 2015 at 9:01 PM
I’m an African American woman as well, and I will have to say, it does sound like your man may be married. Please watch your self. I would never want to see you in pain. I would tell you the same thing if your man was African American. Just please be careful!
Ij
July 10, 2015 at 8:49 AM
So many people are talking about Igbo guys dating a girl for 11 months and not showing her to his family means he has a wife at home, this is a blank lie. This is what makes Igbo men different and respectful of their parents, an Igbo guy will never take a girl and introduce her to his family when, he has not decided that he wants to marry her, Igbo guys will only introduce a girl to their family if, in his right mind he has decided to marry her. Many Igbo guys will date their girl friend for years with out the parents knowing anything until, it is concluded that, they both have made up their mind to marry each other. I am married to an Igbo guy and this happened to me even before we got married, I did not meet my in laws until, it was obvious that, my Igbo husband was going to be my husband and the same applies to Igbo girls too. An Igbo girl will never show her parents her guy or boyfriend until, they have decided that, they want to end up in marriage. Such attitude of people showing or introducing boy friends or girlfriends to their parents is not part of the Igbo culture and it is a disrespect to many Igbo parent. As so African American girls marrying to an Igbo guy is very difficult because, most African American girls are very rude, disrespectful, ghetto, uneducated, dress provocative which are all derogatory to the Igbo culture and Igbo men. Igbo men believe in pride and dignity, they believe they are the head of the household and should be given that respect as the head of the house hold. They always like to give final decisions of which, you don’t find in the African American community. Igbo men hate a woman calling police on them or disgracing them in the public like we all see among the African American community, they don’t like their women to shout or yell at them, they don’t like women to challenge their headship but instead, they believe their wives should be reserve and respectful as the mother of the home, they belief their wives should be a roll model for their children and believe in home discipline of which, is hardly accepted among African American too. they also believe their wives should connect with their families especially their mothers which is hardly seen among African American Women. But in all, Igbo guys are very carrying, humble, loving, believe in taking care of their home and wanting to do everything they can just to please their family, Igbo guys have always been and will always be good. I was born and raised in Liberia by Igbo parents, but, just seeing the way my dad and uncles treated their wives and family so loving, made me to always crave for an Igbo men and thank God, I am married to an Igbo men. Even in most African countries, many women pray to marry an Igbo guys. Igbo guys also marry out of their culture once, a person is willing to adopt to their own Igbo culture and be respectful, they will love you to death.
Michelle
March 24, 2021 at 6:42 PM
I’m dating a Igbo guy and i have met his whole family including mum. We’re all very close and he’s ask for my hand in marriage and I said yes. I’m a couple years older than him. But we enjoy each other to the fullest. Mom is great. Enjoy your man!. I know it years later when you wrote this but please I would like to know how you and your guy ended up. Blessings to you.