June 5, 2016 – Being Single Is Not A Death Sentence, Ladies Stop Running After Men
Based on the desperate actions we see these days; especially by the ladies, one would think being single is a death sentence! They worry over why they’re stuck being single.
They talk nonstop about men, love, relationships and always act available when a man as much as looks at them. They engage in all manner of sexual activities just to land a man in their fishing net.
My dear sister, it is not a crime to be single in your 30s. That your close pals are getting married or are in serious relationships does not mean you have been left behind or that something is wrong with you.
Quit going from one prayer house to the other where you can easily fall victim to fraudsters who parade themselves as men of God. Because you are desperate, you allow them to do all manner of unprintable things to your body, all in the bid to get you married as soon as possible.
When you are desperate, you end up attracting only the wicked your way. Just like bees to honey, they can smell desperation all over you.
Desperation often gives off a horrible scent that attracts only the people who want to take undue advantage of your solitude.
They come close to you either to take your money or just to have sex with the promise that you’ll both get married as soon as possible. How do you stop this cycle? The only way to avoid looking desperate is to stop believing that you are; this is because a person will appear as desperate as they feel. The more fixated you are on finding love and obsessed about entering marriage, the more desperate you will appear for the whole world to see.
To stop being desperate you have to end the pattern of negative beliefs about yourself. You need to begin to believe that you have something wonderful to offer and that the person you’re “meant” to be with is actually out there. In other words, you need to begin to re-train your brain.
So what is the ideal thing to do when you are single and you feel that age is no longer on your side? Shake off the beast in you called fear! Exchange fear for confidence in yourself that you will definitely meet your ideal partner one day.
Send a message to all and sundry that you “want to” be in a relationship not that you’ve “got to”. Even if you hear your biological clock ticking, it need not tick loudly enough for every predator-male to hear it! It is very important to understand that good marriage partners don’t just fall out of the sky and into your yard with your name pinned on them.
Finding the right mate takes time, patience and effort. So use this time of being single to prepare yourself to become the kind of woman your ideal man will easily get attracted to. It is a time to think of YOU first.
Don’t let peer pressure push you towards something you aren’t ready for. Use this period of singlehood to be the best you can be.
Loneliness sucks, but it’s not the end of the world! Don’t focus on your loneliness but try to engage yourself in activities that will enhance and make you a much better person that will be appreciated by your mate; when he eventually shows up. It is also not a time to go on a pity party or act in desperation.
Rather go on a self-development spree: improve your culinary skills that will thrill that man when he eventually comes into your life. You know what they say, that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, right? Learn new crafts like how to make hair, fashion designing, bead making or any other craft you wish.
You can take up a second degree or an MBA class or involve yourself in laudable causes that will be of benefit to society.
These will help take your mind off being single or feeling pressured by it. When he eventually shows up and I bet you he will because you have made efforts at becoming a better person; please don’t chase him away with your ‘desperado’ attitudes.
You know exactly the type of attitude I’m talking about: you make frantic phone calls to him when you don’t hear from him in 24 hours.
You ask a man you barely know just after two months into the relationship for reassurance he won’t leave you just when he’s trying to get to know you and your need to know “where things are going” after a few dates. All these attitudes put a man off. Also, move slowly with a potential new dating partner.
Don’t jump into a sexual relationship before you know who that person is on the inside. Don’t rush the relationship to the next level.
By using a sensible approach to dating and not rushing yourself, you’ll find that you have better results. This isn’t to say that you should simply sit at home waiting for him to show up.
You still have to put yourself out there and take calculated risks if you want the best rewards. I wish you all the best!
[By Vanessa Okwara]