April 18, 2016 – Dear Single Ladies, Stop Looking For Mr Right, You Will Be Honoured If You Allow Him To Find You
A single lady recently wrote this to this and I feel it is important to share it with everyone so we could all learn from it: What do guys want? I’m an intelligent, good-hearted woman with a lot to offer any man.
But all the men I meet seem to have some sort of congenital aversion to commitment—to settling down, getting serious, getting married. But isn’t that the best life has to offer — finding that special someone, falling in love, getting married, settling down, having children, growing old together?
Don’t men want that, too? If so, how do they think they’re going to get that, if they’re not willing to commit to a relationship? Before I answer this question, I will like to tell a brief story a friend of mine shared with me.
She said: When I was single and stressed about finding love, my good friend, Tunde, a confirmed bachelor, told me this. He said, “Bisola, you need to calm down, chill out, and stop expecting love to be here already. Your sense of entitlement is killing your ability to attract a good man.”
When I realised he was right, I stopped waking up every day feeling angry that love hadn’t found me yet. I stopped being resentful that my friends were married and having lives that felt out of reach to me. I stopped feeling like my life was on hold. As cliché as it sounds, I stopped waiting and started living.
Overnight, my outlook changed. My results changed, too. I started meeting men wherever I went. I went on dates, had fun, didn’t give my heart away foolishly, and then met my husband. I knew he was The One when he told me, “I’ve always been too nice for the naughty girls and too naughty for the nice ones.”
That had been my experience with men too. From this story, we can see that until you stop fretting about finding Mr. Right, the chances of finding him or being located by him is a million miles away.
This is a true life story and it is also a pointer that you are not walking alone on the lonely street called ‘Singlehoodville’. Consciously and purposefully looking for Mr. Right can only mean that you think that you are Miss Wrong. People are not attracted to the emotionally needy. So quit walking around with that forlorn look on your face like someone who is lost and abandoned at the highway in the middle of the night.
The woman who is putting off vibes that she’s looking for a committed relationship might as well hang a sign around her neck that says, ‘Desperate! Please help! Please save me! At least compliment my hair!’ I know being single can be hard and the feeling of loneliness can be overwhelming at times. As the year speeds fast and all your friends are getting married and pressure is mounted on you by family and friends to do the same, anxiety and desperation will quickly wade in.
The worst is the feeling of being left behind – being abandoned or excluded. Your friends who are married suddenly stop calling you and you feel like a leper who is missing out on the main stream of life. I also understand that you may feel no one else understands exactly what you are going through.
But the truth of the matter is that until you get over the anxiety overdose, meeting the right person may seem very far off. My advice for singles who are struggling in their search is to look within and ask what part of their own life still needs work. When you clean up your side of the street, you make room for a perfectly imperfect person to see you, celebrate you, and love you.
And remember that Mr. Right or Ms. Right will not be perfect, but will be perfect for you, just as you’ll be perfectly imperfect for him or her. If you really want to find Mr. Right, stop looking for him. Stop, in other words, waiting for someone to give you a life.
Get your own life! Prove to the world, and to yourself, that you don’t need anyone to make you someone. Wake up every day with a purposeful heart to conquer your day. Be the best you can be each day and go to be bed thankful that you are life and a success.
The bottom line is this: You can’t live your life waiting for a man to make your life. Feeling that a man will complete your life is the one thing guaranteed to keep a good man from being attracted to you. Become perfectly fine with yourself. Make your own life. Be whole, independent, happy, productive, active and physically fit. In short, commit to yourself before worrying about anyone else committing to you.
Live your life; and let Mr. Right find you. And he will. Nothing attracts a man more than a woman who doesn’t need him. Confidence is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Life is one big paradox. And one of its biggest is that the only way to find Mr. Right is to genuinely and truly stop looking for him.
[By Vanessa Okwara, Daily Telegraph]