Marriage Problem Signs And Solution: How To Fix A Marriage That Is Falling Apart
Marriage is not a bed of roses but you can reduce the thorns in yours to make it more enjoyable. Many people have been faced with really terrible issues in their marriages; some overcame, others fell. How do you want the story of your marriage to end? Like those who overcame or those who fell for divorce? I know you are an overcomer; that is why you are here.
In this article, I will be discussing with you the problems that are common to many in marriages and how to get over them. I hope it will be helpful.
Common Marriage Problems: Signs a Marriage Is Ending
Marriages don’t end overnight, they start ending when the necessary signs are ignored and the marriage is neglected. You can save your marriage before it gets too late by looking out for these signs and making appropriate adjustments.
- Reduced communication
- A reduced tolerance level
- Feeling disappointed like the marriage is a hindrance to your dreams
- Being bored with your marital life
- Infrequent sex
- Anger and increased misunderstandings
Causes of Marriage Problems
The problems of marriages are caused by the following:
Lack of sex or sexual satisfaction
A marriage is tagged “sexless” when sex is had less than 10 times per year. There are millions of people who are living in sexless marriages so you are not alone. This is a major cause of problems as it causes a reduction in trust, attraction and connection. Most marriages have ended because of this. This often begins when sex starts feeling like a duty or chore.
Not appreciating a change in appearance
People’s appearances change because of many factors; age, diet and even health. Many people let these changes affect their marriage because they were not prepared for the change. When love is based mainly on appearance, this problem becomes inevitable.
Having different interest
When people have different interest from us, issues tend to abound. Most couples started off by having same interest and enjoying doing the same things the same way but things change. As time goes on, the individuals involved in the marriage will start having different things to do with their money and spare time; this can cause tension in marriage. Marriages also start to get sore when individual beliefs get to interfere with important issues in the marriage.
Different methods of handling issues
Marriage is a union of two different people from different backgrounds coming together to live as one. Though this union is united by love, there are always foundational issues that must be dealt with. If there is no deliberate united decision on how issues are handled in a family, there will always be issues on how to get their problems fixed.
Difference in financial management
This has been a problem in marriages for years. It is common to all whether it is one or both of the spouses that are working. This problem tends to arise when one of the spouses is rated ‘materialistic’ or ‘stingy’. When a couple can’t come to a single agreement on how to spend their money, there will definitely be heat in the marriage coming from this angle.
Lack of kids
Couples who wanted kids but ended up having none always have issues because of the devastating nature of this issue. This is gets worse if one of the spouses is the reason for the problem. Not being able to have kids when they were desired can crumble the future plans of the family leaving the couple frustrated.
How to Survive a Loveless Sexless Marriage
Being in this kind of marriage can be really frustrating but no matter how frustrating it may be, know that divorce is not the solution. Try these steps and salvage your marriage, it worked for others.
Discuss the issue
The first solution to solving a problem in marriage is having a meaningful discussion. Talk to your partner about the issue. Talking to your partner right now doesn’t mean you should pour out your annoyance and frustration on him/her neither does it mean you should apportion blames, it only means you should show concern on how things are and how ready you are to make a change.
Re-evaluate your priorities
When love and sex dies out in a relationship, it is usually replaced by negative emotion. This keeps the couple from seeing the future and considering their long-term happiness. So if you are faced with an issue like this, take out time when you are feeling less emotional and evaluate your priorities once more. When you are done, make sure your marriage comes first.
Stop blaming your partner
Like I mentioned before, let your discussions be blame free and try not to argue. If your partner did something you are not happy about, you can put it across to them using ‘I’ instead of ‘you’. For instance, if you want to complain about your partner’s late nights,
Don’t say: you are always coming home late, what do you do outside?
Say: I feel quite lonely when you are not around, can you come back a bit earlier to spend some more time with me?
If you feel things are not going the way they should in your marriage, point that fact out and try not to blame your partner for it.
Work on yourself, look out for your contribution to the problem
It is always easier to notice someone else’s fault than yours. There must have been something you did wrongly in your marriage too that may have led your marriage into the place it is now. For instance, you criticized your partner too much that his/her love for you was choked out. Find what that thing is and correct it.
You may want to start afresh again. You can do this by taking your partner for little dates like you did in the early days so that you can get the flame of your emotions burning again. Show some little gestures of love; get concerned about your partner and listen so that you may know where to be of help. Give him/her a chance to be vulnerable, when they do, give them supportive responses so that the cords of your emotions may be strengthened.
How to Fix a Marriage without Counseling
Love is a choice. If you want to fix your marriage without going to meet a counselor, you have to decide to love your partner despite what they have and what they will do to you. Let them misbehave but don’t let it change your love for them.
You can also get your marriage fixed by praying for your spouse. When you pray for your partner, you realize that all the hatred that may have been in your heart for them will just vanish and you will receive a new strength to love them well.
Your marriage can get better if your friends have better marriages. This will encourage you to seek for yours to work and it will also help you learn how to create a happy marriage from them.
Re-evaluate your priorities. If your work or kids come before your marriage, you are wrong. Reshuffle it. Let your marriage come before every other thing. This will help make your spouse feel more important.
You may have notice that no assignment has been given to your spouse to make the marriage work. This is a deliberate act as fixing a marriage starts from you. All you need to do is to love your spouse because only true love can draw him/her back to you permanently.
Solutions to Common Marriage Problems
The first solution to a problem in marriage is discussion. An argument free discussion where both parties are willing to understand and make compromises to make the marriage work will help get you and your partner to a right place where you can both start working towards a better marriage.
Another way of solving a marital problem is by being objective in everything. Be deliberate in everything you do. Let your words, actions and reactions to a problem be that that will lead you to the future you had had planned for.
You always have a role to play in every issue that comes up in your marriage. It maybe the way you present your displeasure or the way you react to them. No matter what it may be, work on yourself so that your partner will be encouraged to work on him/herself too.
For difference in financial management, make budgets and get objective on how you spend. Talk things over and come to an agreement on how the family income will be spent. If you cannot come to a simple agreement, speak to a marriage counselor.
In everything, do not try to change your partner. Doing this will get him or her to feel you do not appreciate them for who they are and this may cause them to build a wall against you and this will keep leaving you frustrated. Love them with their flaws.
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