My Boyfriend Of 9 Months Is Afraid Of Commitment, Should I Dump Him Or Stay?


my boyfriend is afraid of commitment

September 25, 2016 – My Boyfriend Of 9 Months Is Afraid Of Commitment, Should I Dump Him Or Stay?

I’ve been seeing a guy for nine months now but we are not exactly boyfriend and girlfriend.

Throughout these months, I’ve really battled with doubt, confusion and worried over this situation. He said he’s scared of commitment and not sure if I’ll be the same person once we make it official. He feels like he’s only barely scratched the surface when it comes to knowing me.

He wants to see more sides to me than just the ‘nice Christian girl’ but I don’t feel comfortable sharing pieces of my heart with him without commitment. That could mean being too emotionally attached to him. His other excuse is that he’s not financially stable yet for a serious commitment.

He’s asked me to give him more time but I’m not sure if that’s what I want to do. Actually, I’m not sure if I should break it off or keep seeing him. I’ve really tried to understand where he is coming from and part of me thinks maybe I should be more patient and understanding?

He’s a good guy but if I wait for him, that’s a risk as well and a woman’s biological clock does not wait for anybody. Things have progressed very slowly for us in the past nine months and I feel like he’s pursuing me with minimal effort. Should I continue?

[Abosede writes from Magodo]

8 thoughts on “My Boyfriend Of 9 Months Is Afraid Of Commitment, Should I Dump Him Or Stay?

  1. Well in my opinion you have to give him some credit for honestly letting you know all his concerns. Now for the brother the best way to know more about women is when you are actually married them or some kind of commitment. And must be doing something to improve his financial stability.

  2. BY COMMITMENT, DO you mean defining the relationship and where it is headed, or going all the way to see your parents and pay your bride price? I believe that 9 months should be enough for any serious-minded guy to know if a particular woman is what he wants, except when they do not spend much time together. And so, I may want to know if this is a long distance relationship where you saw each other now and then. If so, then he sure needs time to see clearly. Don’t rush him here.

    BUT IF YOU BOTH SEE each other often, 9 months should be enough to define the relationship. But having to settle down with you proper is another thing because the man really has to be ready psychologically and otherwise. I read that you do not wish to let him into some aspects of your heart until you both are settled down together. I sniff something I am not comfortable with here. If even best friends confide in themselves, what stops you from doing same with the man you wish to settle down with? Perhaps this is why he is delaying: he probably has suspected you ain’t all the way open to him. You feel insecure with him, and therefore guard your heart from him. Who knows if he equally feels insecure with you. No man would want to commit himself to a lady that fills him with guesses, except the man himself is not serious. Or would you want to get married and he keeps discovering things he’s not okay with in your life? Would you like to divorce after marriage?

    LOVE SHOULD be loved to its full, or not love at all. And love to its full means openness, at least to me. Maybe you are cautious because of your previous experiences. You can always guard your heart from falling too hard while at the same time not hiding it away. He doesn’t trust you because you are secretive. Loosen up for love’s sake!

  3. Why can‘t you just wait? Why the hurry? Or would you prefare a guy who will inpregnate you and ask you to abort it, in the process of which you may even lost your life?

    You sound like someone who‘s not committed yourself.

    I take a stroll…

  4. I don’t think it makes any sense or reveal any genuineness,seriousness,honesty in a man that after spending a whole full 9 month in a platonic friendship with a lady could still be afraid of committing himself fully well into such ordinary friendship without any introduction of intimacy!

    Absence of commitment to the platonic relationship on the part of that guy after 9 solid months only reveal how unwilling he is in entering a romantic relationship with you.
    Even though he doesn’t have the financial means to kick start a courtship that could lead to marriage with you,that shouldn’t prevent him from making commitment with you for a romantic relationship.

    To me, the excuses he is giving is not genuine. I will advice you to not waist your precious time with such guy.

    You don’t have to keep waiting and waiting as if you are the one forcing him to make that commitment.

    Am saying that because such incident happened to a girl I was so much interested in getting marry to 9 years ago. After my proposal to her she told me she was already in a relationship. To my ought most surprise,it was a friend of mine whom I met not quite long that was dating this cute young lady. This same guy never knew I had earlier on seek this girl’s hand in marriage which she refused the proposal citing her relationship with this same friend of mine whom she never knew we were friends.

    Now this guy told me on several occasions that he wasn’t ready to commit himself to the relation they were into that had lasted about 1 and half year with this girl I was dying for.

    I called on this well mannered and pretty girl to my apartment once more and made my second attempt of convincing her to accept my honest proposal but failed! Though disappointed, but I finally back off from her. In less than a year I got in touched with another good girl that finally became my wife till date.

    As am writing now,this lady of 24 years as far back as 2007 is still single! This guy did not only toil with her mind and heart but abandoned her at last. So in a nutshell,this guy finally fulfilled what he had earlier and repeatedly told me that he wasn’t ready for such commitment with the girl.
    Now am having three kids with my wife while she is yet to marry.

    Now,since you’ve observed inaction, unseriousness and lack of commitment from your man towards the platonic relationship after 9 good months,then it is better you check the next door.

    That guy may not be for you. Look! I dated and married my wife in just 11 months and we did court wedding though not that extravagant but we made it in less than a year. So why is he afraid to make commitment and commence a romantic relationship with you? Citing financial uncertainty shouldn’t in itself prevent him from starting an intimate relationship with you! And saying [“you won’t remain the person once he make the relationship official”] is still not an excuse! He has been with you for good 9 months,its sufficient enough to have known whom you are,your likes and your dislikes.
    My dear don’t waist your precious time that doesn’t wait for anybody. If you see any genuine guy who is ready to cherish and value you and express his commitment to start a real relationship with you,then go for such person. Good luck!

  5. Well, if you not comfortable waiting further, you are free to move on. However, I would agree with him to slow down a bit. Although 9 months is enough but why he said he is not ready yet with excuses he gave really best known to him. I think you should reason with that.

    On your side, i advice not to invest your heart full into it yet but always give him reason why you are his chosen one. You can as well investigate him behind his back without being intrusive. You know what that means.

    Anyways, nothing is guaranteed even if you know everyting about him.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *