Guide To Overcoming Emotional Dependency: How To Stop Depending On Others For Happiness
How To Stop Being Emotionally Dependent In A Relationship (9 Action Steps!)
Happiness is what you make of it not what it is. What this means is that what naturally causes happiness may not cause you unless you let it.
In a world where we share a lot of relationships with people around us (family, friends, colleagues, spouse/lover) our lives are usually tied to theirs making it a sort of bond such that we feel their pain, joy, happiness etc.
While this is good and fine and shows a high sense of devotion and commitment, the truth is this, we should not depend on others for our own happiness and peace of mind.
Look at it this way, what happens when they are not there? What happens when we have disagreement with them and them we break up or separate momentarily? Does that mean we will not be happy till they come back? What if they do not come back? Will you then stay unhappy for the rest of your life?
These questions and more are what we should ask ourselves especially when we are in a relationship. Here is the truth, regardless of how much in love you are with someone, you should never depend on him to be happy.
Yes you can be happy with him and all excited when they are around but the truth remains that you should find happiness within yourself.
Sadly, these days, ladies have placed so much priority on their relationships with their boyfriends that it becomes almost impossible to live a normal life and be happy outside them.
What should be obtainable in any loving relationship is having a middle ground where you are not being completely dependent on your partner but at the same time, not being self-absorbed.
It all depends on you finding a balance between both angles and ensuring that none exceeds the other. The secret to achieving it is this: do not ever enter any relationship with the hope that it will take all your troubles and sorrows away. Some even have flings and expect to come out fulfilled. Sadly the reverse is usually the case.
You need to realise this, by looking for satisfaction and happiness in your relationship, you may always end up being disappointed because there is no guarantee that you will find happiness with them.
The first thing you need to do is to find happiness within yourself before seeking to extend it to others. You need to validate yourself first and tell yourself that you can be happy and stay on your own without having anyone in your life. You must get to that point where you become emotionally independent. Then should out get it a relationship because you have enough to extend to someone else.
To do this, the following steps should serve as a guide to you:
Discover Happiness Within and not Outside You
By nature we are already conditioned to seek happiness from things or people around us. That is why most ladies rush into relationships hoping to achieve it. Just because a guy makes you laugh on the first date, makes you blush and starry-eyed does not mean he will give you the happiness you seek for. He may only be playing nice since you both are still getting to know each other.
Find out exactly what makes you happy from within and do them. Most ladies feel they always need to have a man in their lives (even if it is a fling). That is why they are always quick to get into another relationship as soon as they are out from one.
Remember that these same people whom you are expecting to make you happy are also fighting their own inner battles. So just as you are expecting happiness from them, they also expect same from you.
Write Down Things You are Proud Of
Always train yourself to see the achievements you have garnered over the years. Remain positive and tell yourself each day how beautiful you are.
Look at yourself and make a list of all the things you are proud of. They could be physical, personal (such as goals and dreams you have achieved), people you have met, places you have visited, things you know that many people probably have no idea about.
We hardly do this because more often than not, we are focused on things that we have not achieved and forget to be grateful for the ones that we have achieved.
By the time you are done counting all the things you have achieved and are grateful for, you will find out that you have all it takes to be grateful with and by yourself. Doing this will surely elevate your mood and make you feel proud of yourself. You will actually be surprised at his many things you have been able to achieve in your young life. Read the list out loud to your self and note new additions you may want to add to it. Challenge yourself by setting even higher goals and giving an estimate of when you should have achieved it.
Do Something New
We are naturally in love with routines as humans because it is easy and predictable. But guess what? Life actually begins when you leave your comfort zone. So what to do? Step out from your comfort zone and do not do routine.
It could be a new fitness gadget that you bought, or a new type of exercise you did not know you could try. Just get something new and fall in love with it. It could be a new recipe, a new place you have never been to. Just do something that is different from your everyday lifestyle.
It opens you up more to your own self in order to discover things you did not know you could do.
Rather than expanding all that energy looking for a man to offer you happiness, work on yourself and leave no channel unexplored in your bid to become a better person. Or better still, how about being the one who offers someone else the happiness they need? There is a saying that goes thus: be the change you want to see.
Therefore, rather than depending on any man for something, be the one who brightens up his day and lifts his mood in a regular basis.
Whining and complaining does not exactly do anything for you. If it did, you ought to have been out of the situation by now. Since it did not help, should that not teach you to complain less and less with each passing day?
A lot of ladies complain that men do not take them serious, that they always get played, used, dumped etc. Have you ever sat down to do an introspection, to truly search yourself in all sincerity and to find out why it is like that?
Is it because of of something you are not doing right? Are you demanding, aggressive, rude etc. These attributes are definitely not going to get you anywhere with men. The world is filled with enough troubles as it is so every man needs a woman who can give him peace of mind when he is back home.
Take time to work on yourself. Do not just sit back and do nothing while waiting for a man to “love you for who you are”. Ask yourself honestly, if you were a man would you love you with all those nasty behaviours?
Therefore complain less and work on fixing yourself. No one is perfect but we should also try to fix our shortcomings and make life more pleasant and easier for the people in them.
You must not wait for a man to take you out or to that spa you have been itching to go. Spend time and money on yourself. Remember, no amount of money or time spent on yourself is a waste. Do whatever makes you happy.
Go to the spa, go shopping, go to the movies, gym basically spoil yourself. It is not difficult to do and you must not wait for a man to do that for you.
This way, if your boyfriend does not do them for you, you will not be bothered because it is something you are already used to doing for yourself. Do not wait for a man to make you feel special- do it by yourself, tell yourself that you are special and do not just say it, show it.
Practise Being Single For a Couple of Months
Yes,that is right. Most ladies are afraid of staying single. They constantly need a man to talk to make them happy etc. This explains why people jump from one relationship to another.
If you keep doing this, you will just get messed up emotionally. Listen, you do not need a man to be happy. Your happiness should not be tied to someone else’s own. A relationship should be about complimenting each other’s life, make each other happy too but not so much so that you cannot be happy outside him.
So just in case you are single at the moment, please take some time before going into another relationship. Practise staying on your own for some time before moving into another one. This way you know that regardless of whatever happens, you are quite capable of being happy on your own.
Get a Life Outside of Him
A lot of ladies do not have any other life outside their relationships. They alienate themselves from other people and even some good old friends all because they want to be faithful to their man.
This explains why a lot of them depend on him to find happiness. Just because you have a boyfriend does not mean you cannot go out with your friends every now and then.
Before he came into your life, were your friends not there? Have they not being with you through your highs and lows? Have they not made sacrifices for you and you for them? So why should you now put them at the back burner all because you are now in a relationship?
Here is what you should know: just because you are dating someone does not and should not give him the express right to occupy a pivotal space in your life. He too has to work hard tk earn it (just like the rest).
Essentially, do not close yourself up to friends and new acquaintances. You can hang out with friends and have a good time without misbehaving or cheating on your partner. It only requires you having a high sense of maturity and discretion.
Put Yourself First
At the end if the day, you are all you have got( regardless of friends, family, partner, colleagues and associates). Everything still boils down to the decisions you have made for yourself. Therefore, always look out for yourself (this is not selfishness rather it is self love). Know when to withdraw from a man because it is better to stay single than to be in a toxic relationship. Take your time before saying yes to any relationship.
If you get hurt, sure family and friends will rally round in support but at the end of the day, it is still you who will bear the ful brunt of it. So look out for yourself. It is actually when you do this that you can do same for someone else. Remember, you cannot give what you do not have.
Stop Being Needy
This is the problem with a lot of ladies. They are too needy. They need for a man for everything in life- physical, financial, emotional etc. If you become too needy, then you will always be looking out for a man to make you happy. Pity the man and look out for ways to make him happy too by not depending in him for everything.
For instance, get something profitable doing so you do not rely on him for money, find inner happiness so that you will need him to be. Let his being in your life be an addition to the one you already have.
The moment you can vet things up and running on your own as a lady, you will realize that you will become happier with yourself and then you will believe that only you can give yourself the true happiness you deserve.