Nobody likes being cheated. Whether in business, academics or any endeavour, cheating is deception and is always accompanied with lies making the one being cheated on appear foolish.
It becomes even more disheartening and painful when it happens in a relationship with a cheating husband. Different thoughts assault you. You wonder what went wrong, the promises you both made to each other, you are heartbroken.
However, you must remember the Bible says that offences would come. Plus, while you were exchanging vows, do you remember the phrase “for better for worse”? Right! This is where it is applicable.
The Bible made some provisions for situations like this so that you may find succour in the scriptures. Here is a list of what the Bible says about cheating in some selected passages. Remember, cheating, deception and lies are all connected.
(a) Exodus: 20:14 “Never commit adultery”, (b) Hebrews 13:4 “Let marriage be kept honourable in every way, and the marriage bed undefiled. For God will judge those who commit sexual sins especially those who commit adultery”, (c) Proverbs 6:32 “Whoever commits adultery with a woman is out of his mind. By doing so, he corrupts his own soul”.
From the foregoing, we can see clearly that God is against cheating in whatever form. In this situation, you may feel that you cannot deal with the pain and may seek a divorce. Before you do so, remember the Bible’s stand on it:
(a) Mal.2:16 “the man (this time a woman) who hates and divorces his wife says the Lord God of Israel, does violence to the one he ought to protect says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard and do not be unfaithful”, (b) Luke 16:18 “Anyone who divorces his wife (husband) and marries another woman (man), commits adultery and the man (woman) who marries a divorced woman (man) commits adultery”.
How To Deal With Lying, Cheating & Unfaithful Husband Biblically
As far as Christianity is concerned, divorce is not permissible. How then can a wife deal with a cheating and unfaithful husband? The following steps would help:
(I) Reestablish Trust: This is perhaps the most difficult step to take. When your husband cheats, it is a serious breach of trust. It means they may not be capable of having a healthy relationship. However, as a Christian wife, you need to re establish the lost trust. Some factors that would determine how quickly it can be won again include:
- Is he truly sorry?
- Did he tell you or did you find out yourself?
- Has this happened before or is this his first time?
- Is he making any effort to amend the relationship?
All these and more would help you get through it.
(ii) Demand they cut ties with the third party: He must be willing to cut off entirely from the lady in question. It could mean blocking her on every social media platform, not visiting places she might be etc.
(iii) Communicate: Need I say the importance? You need to talk about it one way or the other with you partner. This would be awkward at first but you need to hear all the sordid details as honestly as possible so you do not hear it from anyone/anywhere else. This would help you deal with it.
(iv) Find out the nature of his cheating: As much as cheating is not excusable, there are certain attributes that may push a man into being unfaithful. Some of them are: little or no attention, dirty habits of the wife, depression etc. Find out what caused the infidelity and if there are areas you need to work on, please do. Remember not all cheating is as a result of sex so you need to look out for other areas.
(v) Talk to God: Pray earnestly about it. Talk to God to help restore your marriage and bring your husband back to how things used to be.
(vi) Set Boundaries: There should be limits and set boundaries. Decide that your husband should not hang out at nights nor take calls at certain times. This should help you manage his activities better.
(vii) Talk to a Marriage Counselor: If you both feel you cannot handle the situation alone, then you may need to talk to a counselor. But note that this is under the rarest situation and as a last resort.
After taking these steps, you need to wholeheartedly forgive your husband. We are all humans and therefore are infallible so forgive even as Christ forgives our own shortcomings. Forgiving him borders on the following:
- Restoring all the former privileges he got from you as a husband
- Not taking it out on him at every instance
- Not retaliating
- Trusting him again (this is hard but you have to do it)
Hard as this may sound, there is a sight possibility your husband could still cheat in you again. The good news however is that you can get on your knees as a praying wife to ask for grace so that he does not do it again. Here are five prayers for your cheating husband:
- Prayer of Conviction: Here you are asking God to convict him of his sins and make him to confess and repent of it. There is no heart so strong that God cannot melt (Proverbs 21:1).
- Prayer for Confession: Here is you asking God to make him confess his sin. It is only when they do so that God can begin to heal the marriage.
- Prayer for Repentance: Ask God to make him realise the severity of the sin and to help them repent completely from it.
- Prayer for Reconciliation: Ask God to reconcile your husband to you like in times past so that the crack in the wall can be fixed.
- Prayer for Forgiveness: Now this is for your own self. Ask God to forgive you in any way (knowingly or unknowingly) that you may have caused your husband to err. Remember that for every mistake, both parties contributed one way or another to it. Also, ask God for the grace to forgive your partner completely.
And if finally you are still having doubts about whether or not you should forgive him, let the following scriptures be your guide: Psalm 103: 10-12, Luke 17: 3-4, Matt. 18: 21-22. Prayerfully study them and God will give you the grace to forgive him and restore the love and peace you both once had.