How To Forgive Yourself For Cheating & Lying: Guide To Moving On After Making A Big Mistake
Self-forgiveness means doing what is right, loving the way you are and being free. It is not about ignoring the problems that result from your actions, but about accepting what happened and showing compassion to yourself. Forgiveness have positive effects in our Physical health and relationships because without it we will be stuck in our emotions and still find it hard to move on.
How to forgive yourself for cheating
Relationships are mainly influenced by our emotions and thought patterns. Cheating can be caused by a lot of factors but we have every right to not engage in it. Once we cheat it breaks our partner’s expectations and trust for us. Trust is important in every relationship and when one partner cheats, the trust becomes broken and will never be the same as before. Forgiving one’s self after cheating may seem impossible because of the guilty feelings but it can be totally worth it when you;
Say the truth:
It might not be your proudest moment but you need to be honest and come clean about your infidelity. Saying the truth will make you feel relieved. Your partner might not like the fact that you cheated but it is better than hiding the incident from them.
Take responsibility for your actions:
Accepting that you cheated will make you free and better. Don’t lie or give excuses. It is so wrong to look for reasons to show that you had every right to partake in the action. Even if your partner cheated on you previously or doesn’t give you all the love and attention you need, it doesn’t justify why you felt the need to cheat.
Think of why you cheated:
Even if there are solid reasons, it doesn’t mean that your actions are right. You just need to reflect on the reasons so as to not criticize or judge yourself.
- Find strength in the fact that cheating doesn’t define you as a person: It is okay to beat yourself up for being unfaithful but don’t see yourself as an evil person.
Properly apologize and try to make amends:
This is not just about saying sorry. It is about proving to the person that you regret being unfaithful. It might not erase what you did but it will show the person that you are sorry and willing to restore the relationship.
Be willing to change:
Don’t try to cheat again just because your partner forgave you after your first attempt. You won’t be able to forgive yourself if you repeat it again.
Don’t allow your partner look down on you:
Your self-worth becomes questioned when your partner belittles you just because you made a mistake. If the person cannot accept you with your faults, how will you accept yourself?
Don’t be hard on yourself:
Letting go of the bad feelings may take some time. Just try to be patient and continue working on yourself.
Talk to someone you trust:
- Avoid confiding in someone who might judge you or use your secret against you. Instead express the emotions you feel with someone who is trustworthy and reliable.
How to forgive yourself for hurting someone
Most times we hurt others when we feel hurt too. It could be through our words or actions, so we have to be careful of how we act around people. You can try the following if you want to move on from hurting someone;
- Admit your faults: Acceptance is hard but it helps us heal. You might be afraid to say why you did it but carrying the guilt for long will only destroy your confidence and mental health.
- Ask for forgiveness: As much as you can’t control if a person forgives you, it is still better to ask for forgiveness when you do wrong. If the person accepts it then there’s no need to hold yourself back from moving on.
- Don’t live with guilt: There’s nothing easy about hurting someone because it makes you regret and hold on to guilt. Try to look past the horrible thing you did by channeling your guilt to something productive.
- Seek advice from your closest friends or a counselor if you feel the guilt is too much for you to bear alone.
- Don’t repeat the mistake: You can’t continue to hurt someone when you know you are wrong. Just avoid anything that might make you repeat the action.
- Look out for negative thoughts that could lead to depression, addictions, and so on.
- Accept your flaws: Most times the guilt that comes with an action makes us feel less than we are. You can’t automatically transform to a bad person just because you hurt someone. Focus on things that can build your self-love. You also need to surround yourself with people who will help you see how valuable you are despite your misgivings. Just remember that what defines you is not the wrong you did but where you go from there.
- Be grateful for the experience: Hurting someone may not be a pleasant experience because of how your actions affected the person. That doesn’t mean you should dwell on it and miss out on what the future has to offer you. Just acknowledge the fact that it has happened and you’ve learnt a lesson because no amount of guilt can change the past.
How to forgive yourself after a big mistake
Mistakes happen when we do something that is not right. All of us make mistakes from time to time, and it is easier to let go of bitterness when someone else offends us but it becomes difficult when we are the culprit. Learning how to forgive yourself is necessary for your well-being. To be better at forgiving your own mistakes, you need to:
- Acknowledge that you made a mistake: Voicing it out helps you become a better person. It is better to process what you have done and accept it than to make excuses for your actions because denial only makes the problem bigger.
- Know that your mistakes don’t define your character: As humans, it is unavoidable to make mistakes but that doesn’t mean we have to view ourselves as bad people. We just have to accept our flaws and try to improve.
- See it as a learning process: We learn best from past mistakes when we consider the reasons why we did it and avoid repeating them than being stuck in our emotions and allowing them to hold us back. If possible try to fix the mistake you made. Focus on what you learnt from your actions and what you can do to be better.
- Stop over thinking about the mistake since it has happened already: Going over what you did again won’t change anything. It will only make you feel more guilty and unworthy of forgiveness.
- Manage your thoughts: You can engage in activities or take a walk to keep yourself busy when you feel the urge to think of past mistakes. This will help to suppress the negative thoughts and fasten the healing process.
- Be in close contact with friends and family if not you will be isolated and eventually become depressed.
- Try therapy if you still find it hard to move on from the past.
How to forgive yourself for lying
Lying is wrong as it tends to create a bad impression about the person. Sometimes we exaggerate events or omit certain parts of a story to make it sound believable to the listener. It is never good when someone is made to believe wrong things just because we want to hide the real story from them, you may end up hurting them more. The only way you can move past your actions is to:
- Tell the truth even when it is not pleasant to hear
Telling the truth makes you honest and reliable. As much as it might be acceptable to tell little lies, it is not right to disregard the whole truth of a situation as it makes things worse for you.
- Don’t act defensive
Being defensive shows that you are trying to cover a lie. If a problem was created as a result of your lies you just have to own up to it and apologize instead of trying to prove that your words are true.
- Remember that excuses won’t get you anywhere
As much as an explanation from you makes the person see your perspective, it doesn’t justify why you lied in the first place.
- Grow out of your lying habit if you want to live freely without guilt
It is not ideal to be labeled a liar as no one likes to be called foul names. Try to avoid fabricating stories to hide the truth because you will never be taken serious again.
- Try rebuilding any relationship that has ended because of the lies you created.
- Start believing in yourself: The more you lie, the less respect you will have for yourself. The impression we create through our lies makes it hard for us to be our real self around people.
- If you want to make progress in life, you will need to accept that mistakes help you improve.
For more motivational articles, visit NaijaGists.com Inspiration column.
