How To Get Over Someone You Love Deeply (Guide To Letting Go And Moving On)
Love, though sweet can be so bitter and heartless when it wants to deal with you; I wonder how one coin could have such very opposing sides. I’ve had my share; so have you and that makes it even better. Don’t you think so? At least we will be able to relate on this.
Breakups are very common in our world today; it affects both the young and old. Every day, we hear of disappointment, broken promises, cheating, divorce all others. This leaves the victims broken and confuse on how to move on with life. A breakup gets even worse when the victims didn’t see it coming and made no plans towards being alone or starting afresh.
Letting go has always been the most difficult part of the breakup; it could take months and even years when you do not know the right way to go through it. In this article, I’ll be giving you some steps that will help you detach your heart from the person you’ve been bonded to.
Steps to recovering from a breakup
Wake up to it
The first thing in being free from the ties of love from a broken relationship or marriage is acceptance. Believe it has happened, don’t think you’ll wake up one morning and realize it was all a dream or joke.
It is truly over; realize that the next thing to do is to get up and drag yourself out of it. Take your time to lay out a good plan on how you will achieve that.
Take one step at a time
Don’t rush yourself. Stop giving yourself unrealistic deadlines to get over them. What you had was love and love is very strong so realize that the cord you created will take some time before it can break.
Give yourself enough time to grieve your loss. When you’ve grieved for a while, you will receive a different form of energy that will help you pull through. By mourning, you let your body understand what has happened so that it will truly cooperate with you in the getting over game.
Keeping in touch with our past lover will only make it harder for us to move on. You may feel the need to stay attached to them to feel safe but understand that that would only be you being a coward.
Get them off the speed dial, delete their contacts, unfriend them on facebook and every other channel that linked you with them.
Watch your thoughts
Negative thoughts of unworthiness may pop up when you are dealing with a breakup. You don’t have to pay attention them. Reassure yourself that you deserve good things; be positive and tell yourself that your partner is the one that lost, not you.
If you find yourself having suicidal thoughts, talk to someone and seek for help from a counselor.
Allow the emotions
When suffering from a breakup or divorce, you will find yourself being angry, sad too happy or even having mixed feelings. Now, allow yourself to feel.
It is always wise to find reasonable ways of letting out these emotions. Shout if you need to but be sure you are not shouting on people. If you have children or others around you, you can take yourself to an open place where you can have the freedom to scream and cry as loud as you need to.
Let yourself out of the hold by forgiving yourself and your partner. They may have hurt you so much or you on the other hand may have been the person who screwed up but despite what the case may have been, you just have to let it go.
It has always been a tempting thing to point fingers at our partner or any other who may have been a part of our breakup story but we have to take heed and keep ourselves from falling into this temptation. This does not mean you shouldn’t analyze the reason it ended, it just mean you should analyze from every perspective only for the purpose of learning from it to correct yourself. Anything out of this reason is not allowed.
Discuss the feeling
Getting a trusted friend or counselor to talk to about our feelings is a blessing. If you have a person like that, confide in them about how you truly feel. Talking about your feeling will help relieve you of them and give you the opportunity of getting credible advice.
Get some fresh air
It is advised that after you’ve lost your love, you should leave the environment that links you to or reminds you of them. If you lived together or around each other, move out of the house or neighbourhood. If this is not feasible, then travel.
No matter what your choice may be, make sure that person will not come popping at your face anytime soon.
After being in a relationship that may have deprived you of the time you usually spend with your friends. Now you are done with it, go back to the ones who may never give up on you. Let them make you laugh out the pain. We know laughing can heal.
Engage in something new
This step should only be carried out after you have mourned your loss and constructively analyzed your relationship. When you are done with that, get something new and demanding to do. It should be something that will take a reasonable amount of your time so that you will only be left with little or no time to think of them.
Letting go after a divorce
The wounds of a divorce are most times deeper than those from a relationship regardless of who was at fault or who invented the idea. Dealing with a divorce has to be intentional especially because of your children (if you have any).
If a divorce is your story, you can still start afresh. Try the following:
- Go through the recommended steps or getting over someone you love
- Go beyond being a victim:
Don’t get comfortable with receiving sympathy from the society by playing the victim. Even if you were truly the victim, don’t stop by being that, take control of your life. This is a very common trait in women; they hate their ex-husbands and want to mobilize everybody to hate them.
Stop being furious, let go and watch your life become better.
Challenge yourself to stand alone
It is usually difficult for new divorcees to enjoy staying alone after being together with someone for a long time. It even gets much more difficult because of the society we live in but you just have to learn how to be okay by yourself.
Learn to embrace the empty bed and cold nights especially if remarrying is not a part of your agenda.
If the kids were taken away from you, then you will really have to learn on being okay without being a major part of their day to day life. This may not be as easy as it sounds.
Adjust to the new kind of life
When a divorce has happened, there will be changes. If you’re a man, you will need to start making your own meals, washing your clothes and if you are a woman, you may start paying bills or do all those things your partner did for you. The life changes won’t be as easy as it sounds so you have to be strong.
Remember who you were before getting married
After you got married, a part of you was given to somebody and now that you are back to your previous stage (though not previous entirely), you have to rediscover who you used to be. Go back to those things you loved doing and those places you loved going. They will help you recover faster and help you find your place again in the world you felt you were lost.
Find your place
Finding your place has to do with discovering who you are without your spouse. Discover your new strengths and weaknesses. Make some life changes; try a new hairstyle, acquire a new dress sense or anything that you didn’t do when you were still married.
Feel free to be friends again
After recovering completely or to a healthy extent, you may want to look at becoming okay with seeing your ex-partner. You too may even have the need of becoming casual friends especially if you have kids together. The fact that your marriage failed doesn’t mean you two should become enemies. You may not need your husband or wife again but the both of you will still be parents to your kids.
Get a schedule for visiting the kids
You may not need the person again but the kids still need them. Make a plan on how you or your spouse will be visiting the kids or how they will go visiting their other parent.
You have to be careful when you and your ex-partner meet during the visitation; many have carelessly reignited the fire between them, made mistakes and gone back to a more terrible state than they were before. If you must go back to your partner, it should be a very conscious and well calculated decision.
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