“I Feel My Husband Is Unmotivated & Lazy” – Overworked Wife Needs Help

husband unmotivated lazy

Sept 2nd, 2014 – “I Feel My Husband Is Unmotivated & Lazy” – Overworked Wife Needs Help

My hubby hasn’t worked since we met, our car has died and we are out of money to fix it.

We are very behind on our rent, and my husband has made it clear that he does not want me trying to get any kind of government assistance. Nor does he want me asking him any more work-related questions of any kind. He wants to work from home and will not consider doing any kind of other work to make ends meet. I am really trying to keep my mouth shut but am struggling as of late. We will be facing eviction soon.

My parents live very close by and are aware that my husband is either sleeping or on the computer. My mom doesn’t say anything but often offers us food, which is well-received. I make a small amount of money working from home, but it is not enough to keep us afloat.

Should I just quietly allow this to happen to us? I wouldn’t worry about it so much if our children were not so young. They are 4, 2, and 1. My husband is not a Christian, but I love him and think he is a good man, but he is making me crazy! If you have any advice on what I can do, please let me know.

13 thoughts on ““I Feel My Husband Is Unmotivated & Lazy” – Overworked Wife Needs Help

  1. I have you to blame madam no name why did you marry him in the first place
    You said he was unemployed when you met him

    Carry your cross or divorce his broke ass. A man who can’t provide for his family is useless

    • u sure se u sabi anything about marriage so? cos u sure do sound more like a conga than a woman. why is it that whenever some Nigerians want to comment on an ish, it must be backwards. A woman is bold enough to realize and admit her problems and seeks your advice, all ur silly guts have to offer are these very unkind words. Gosh are u normal or na do dem do u? Go back and learn simple ways of public response or better yet ZIP IT!!!!

  2. @ Amara I don’t really love your resonse, this woman needs help for crying out loud

    @poster Your problem is part of a growing epidemic that can’t be blamed on the economy.
    God tells us in I Timothy 5:8, “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”

    In Micah 4:4, God reminds us, “But they shall sit every man under his vine and under his fig tree…”

    Clearly God meant for every man to work and provide for his household. So you and God are agreed, but that doesn’t mean your husband is going to jump up and get a job just because you tell him what God has said. So, what is a wife supposed to do? Basically nothing—nothing in word and nothing in deed. Just stay cheerful and loving. Your situation is better than most, for you have parents who are willing to help

  3. I can never marry a broke ass nigger again in my life. I married one in Baltimore in 1998 he ended up breaking my stupid ass because I cared for him like a baby.

    Ladies listen, do not marry a jobless man and particular a man with no vision and career. All his life burden will be passed on to you.

    At the end, he wont appreciate you.

    They are mostly bed hoppers. They jump from women to women because they’re lazy.

    A word is enough for the wise. Learn from me and don’t get messed up

  4. The Apostle Paul dealt with this issue in the early church. He reminded the Thessalonica church, “For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat. For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies. Now them that are such we command and exhort by our Lord Jesus Christ, that with quietness they work, and eat their own bread” (2 Thessalonians 3:10–12). It is certainly not your responsibility to keep him from eating, but neither is it your duty to bail him out of his laziness. Tell your mom how much you appreciate her generous offerings of food, but ask her to give foods that only the little ones will eat. Make the food plain and basic. Slip over once a day with the children but without your husband and eat heartily. When there is no money available, allow your own kitchen cabinets to become bare.
    The best thing a woman can do is allow the situation to come to a head as quickly as possible. Don’t be an enabler by seeking further income. As long as he can keep the family together in any dwelling and provide food, continue to cheerfully follow his lead.

    But what if a worst case scenario develops and you are evicted and find yourself homeless with no place to go but the streets or a homeless shelter? That puts your children in danger.
    There is an example in Scripture that is often overlooked. In 1 Samuel 25 we read of a woman named Abigail who was married to a man who offended David by refusing to feed his hungry men. When Abigail heard what her husband had done, she knew their lives were in danger. So, without her husband’s knowledge, she directed the servants to prepare food for the 600 men and hastily deliver it. David received the food and readily acknowledged that she had saved him from shedding blood. When Abigail’s husband suddenly died of divine/natural causes, David took her to be his wife.
    If your husband’s actions put your children in real danger—not just discomfort or inconvenience—you should protect the children by respectfully disobeying your husband. To broaden the subject for our readers, the same would be true if a drunken husband commanded a wife and children to ride in the car while he drove. Respectfully disobey.

    Likewise, if a husband commands a wife to leave her children in the care of questionable babysitters, follow your maternal instincts.
    If your present circumstances deteriorate to the point of homelessness, I suggest that you quietly arrange ahead of time for your parents to invite you and the children, but not your husband, to come and live with them. Let him live in a homeless shelter until he can provide a home for you and the girls. If he insists that you live with him on the streets, tell him your children come first and you will take them to your parents, dreaming of the day when he has a place for the family to be united.

    Perhaps you could have your parents invite him for dinner and a conjugal visit once a week but not to stay the night. Sometimes a man needs to lose his comfort zone (computer and TV) to appreciate his responsibility to maintain that zone. Most women make the mistake of jumping in and providing, and then they become bitter toward their lazy husbands.

    Hope this helps

  5. to me i think network marketing wuld b best 4 him, wher he can work 6 to 7 hours per week, wit out any stress. Am into 1 anyway, wit a very gud compensation, not all men lyk me will want to be anybody’s employee anymore cos i knw wat i hv faced working 4 sumone. To get the network marketing company n to knw more about how they operate. Just call me on ****. God is the ultimate.

  6. @pastor so u min bcs her parents helps in providin she shud sit nd watch d husband continue in lazines, slepin nd so on? 4 u madam ur statment shows dat d man dosnt even wana do anytin nt dat he’s searchin 4 a job i wil advice u nt 2 quit d mariag but wit ur children just giv him a space of 2months 2 fel a hunga so dat his eyes wil open

  7. Why is it that some men do not want to work ? A man that cannot provide for his family is not a man unless he is invalide pls dear be patient and see if he will change

  8. @poster I believe even working frm home required some money @least money to buy data so I believe he is making money though may be not enough. I hope this is not unnecessary growing anxiety? Well whichever way for better for worse so God created marriage. I agreed to limit all help from parent to your children alone on reasonable ground (provided he is not hustling as you said. Walking about is not hustling especially now that all good job are on internet ,so the place to be is on computer & internet, I wonder where you want the man to go) else it may have a bandwagon effect. All other option I AM FULLY AGAINST IT!!!! Don’t leave your man oooooooo. Even to your parent house.
    I was in the same shoe some years back (I was always on computer), I only work from home though I make more money atimes than her salary in a day but because is not a consistent income am still been regarded as jobless. I do discusss my effort with my wife but because there was nothing to show for the effort she will tactically snub your word for “Story Story”. So I stop sharing my efforts, interviews etc. with her and I keep my track clean (so it seems no effort at all). She was shocked when I told her one night that I will be resuming in one of the biggest Oil Company in our country the following morning though by then I have found out that she has started sleeping with a colleague banker. Best food from GOD is for those that can persevere.
    But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

  9. Have being in your shoe madam ank know what you are going through and how hurt it is.My so call useless husband ole alapa ma sise is doing same thing,he doesn’t want to work but at the end my dear sister when the burden is too much for me i have to move out and face my kids becos anytime i look at him is like i should give him a dirty slap but to avoid that i just leave the house and now the lazy man was sleeping around from one house to another.

  10. Look before you leap they said, anyways, you are in it already and my advice is just talk him through the scenario once more and let him understand that he is the man and not the other way round. And also seek the face of God in this matter. A man has to be a man. You need him not just only as a husband but a father to your kids as well. Ultimately, pray about it and be resolute.

  11. I do quite feel your pain poster as i am currently going through a similar situation. I make 90% of the money in our home but with the 10% my husband makes he prefers to buy clothes and shoes for himself.
    We have been married for almost 5 yrs, have one child and have a baby on the way and for those yrs he has never once paid the rent or the kids school fees. I am responsible for feeding, toiletries, electricity bills and even things like dstv subscription and lawma bills. We have just one car and i fuel it soley. So most times i wonder if i am not a fool.
    But i decided a while ago to do all these things because i can without stress. I would allow my precious babies be hungry or embarrased at school because i want to make a point.
    I suggest you keep doing the best you can for your kids. God is not asleep.

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