Relationships & Romance Articles
I’m Calling Off My Wedding, I Can’t Marry This Cold Man – Heartbroken Lady Cries Out
By Gold Myne
“My name is Oreoluwa, I am 27 and right now, my fear is not solely about losing my relationship of many years but I am also scared about my childhood.
About a month ago, I got deflowered by my boyfriend of four years! Our relationship had been blissful. Everything had been perfect despite the fact that he had to abstain from sex because of me. (Well…) I was a virgin when we met and I had begged him to give me time.
Well, a month ago, after our introduction, I decided it was time and we had sex. He took time to school me about the first time, promised to be gentle and all that.
I braced myself and we even took precautions so the expected blood would not stain the sheets but to my dismay, there was no blood. Not a drop.
The pain was there, I literally felt my body tearing and he was petting me and telling me it would be over soon.
After the whole thing, he looked at me and with a smile told me how ‘He’ made me a woman. We joked about it until we both rose from the bed and the tell tale blood was no where to be found.
He looked at me and I found myself actually searching for blood, the sign that I just got deflowered! Nothing. I was shocked but my shock gave way for fear as I saw his expression. He was angry and disappointed!
How?
He’s still my boyfriend, our wedding plans have not changed, but he’s been cold, hasn’t touched me since. I can’t get into this marriage, without knowing what happened. My mother is no more and there’s really no one to talk to.
I have bothered google for a month, and from what I read, its either my hymen had been tampered with at some point or I had the rare case of ‘no blood virgin’. Every time I tried to bring it up, he changes the topic!
How do I make him understand that he actually made me a woman…I had never being with a man (well, consciously)
I already thought of calling off the wedding, I can’t marry this cold man!.
Bose Akala
July 17, 2018 at 2:49 PM
I understand your dilemma but you don’t have to worry yourself.
Ladies who are not virgin are still getting married. Virginity is not the key to a happy marriage.
Just leave him and move on. In this case I think it is better to call off this marriage
Francesca Adjoa
July 17, 2018 at 2:50 PM
Please leave him and move on. I can’t stand guys who capitalise on virginity they are toxic
Eu
July 17, 2018 at 2:59 PM
Your hymen was not tampered my dear rather there people that might not bleed because of the hymen they have but I think you call of the marriage this guy is a difficult one the way I perceive him. Thanks
Riyah
July 17, 2018 at 8:03 PM
You shouldnt be shocked. It happens. If you can make an appointment at a clinic and talk to a doctor. If you are satisfied with the doctor’s explanation, maybe
schedule a consult with the doctor and have your guy come with. Thousands of women dont see blood. My close friend didnt see blood when she married neither did a lot of girls. There are hundreds of reasons why that could be so.bike accident as a kid, did u play sports when u were younger? Are you very active (workout), nature could be a cause.. who knows, maybe u Just didnt bleed. Unexplainable things happen. Science hasnt/experience isnt a definate measure of anything.. alot of guys who see blood describe it as spotting.its not like the mass blood we see in Nollywood Movies. If u find an experienced person to explain the 100 other logical explanation and he is still mad, dont let this define you. U owe ur chastitity to God. He knows u were chaste and God will bless you with a more understanding man. I get why ur guy is mad but show hime reason.. whatsapp him links.. do more research.it is unlokely ur hymen was tempered with. Age may be a factor.. u are 27.. maybe the bloody virgins broke their hymen at 18.. ur body is more matures now and can handle the penetration
U were visibly in pain.. he ought to understand.
MAYBE u also should reevaluate why u are together. Does he love who u are.. or is he in love with the idea that i must marry a Virgin.
Goodluck i honestly believe you are.. if he cant read your body language that u were shocked as well.. then.. idk. His character may be questionable too. Is he hot tempered!i wouldnt say break up because of this situation. People jump to give break up advice. You are clearly hurt by his cold responses and ur emotion influenced this post. But after giving him more explanations he is still this way, talk to him mum or paster or imam and he is still stubborn, then consider yourself single.
Dem
July 18, 2018 at 7:17 AM
Sweetheart a big high for you . Exactly how I felt when I got disvirgined. Never had sex before , on being no blood came out but penetration and sense of irritation was high. The truth is I have been a sport girl and very active . Can read disappointment on my BF face now husband of 15yrs. Normal for the guy action because of his limited knowledge in relation to Virginity.
This does not dictate good marriage at all.
Get him to talk about it ,if o possible ,threat him with dissolution . This need to e iron out before marriage.
I know it makes you feel haven’t kept yourself for a man , he still didn’t value you a d it does affect confidence .