The Nigerian Man I’m Dating Told Me He’s Not Married But Has A Baby Mother – American Woman

nigerian man use american woman citizenship

The Nigerian Man I’m Dating Told Me He’s Not Married But Has A Baby Mother 

  • Is He Planning To Marry Me To Get American Citizenship & Divorce Me After Getting His Papers? – American Dating A Nigerian Man Asks

The Nigerian I was dating told me he was not married but had a baby’s mother. I went to visit him and he gave me the password to his phone.

I looked at the call log and found that he spoke to this “baby’s mother” multiple times a day. I looked through an older phone and seen thousands of photos of the mother, child, AND a set of twins. He never told me about twins.

I asked for the truth. He told me he doesn’t think the twins are his because the timing was off and they didn’t live together…and because he was unsure, he didn’t feel like he should tell me until he knew for sure.

He told me he engaged the woman with a church wedding because he was pressured by his family since she got pregnant. I seen the photos of the church wedding and their son was about 1 years old and time stamped two months prior to him visiting America.

None of their family or friends were at the church engagement. He says the church wedding is not legal but they did it to fulfill the request/pressure of the elders.

My question is….could he be possibly be marrying me for citizenship….having anchor children with me…divorce me after obtaining his papers…and then bringing the “baby’s mother” here on a K1 visa to marry her? I want to forgive and move forward but am very apprehensive. Please advise!!!..

[Donna writes from the US]

14 thoughts on “The Nigerian Man I’m Dating Told Me He’s Not Married But Has A Baby Mother – American Woman

  1. Donna as a honest Nigerian, I will tell you to dump him straightaway.
    He has so many baggages of lies, I think he is planning to use you for papers.
    Don’t fall for his cheap lies.

  2. You saw the red danger yourself so don’t force yourself into it. Most Men not only Nigerians lie to get what they want.
    Be smarter and dump him now before it is too late. u are better off marrying someone not looking for papers

  3. Some people will just subscribe to start making useless comments, if that story is even true so u advice the lady to dump the guy abi??
    No wonder many marriages dey crash for 9ja and our.
    If you guys know that this so call American ladies also have babe daddy and they will never let him go but just won’t leave in the same house.
    U need to see what is happening here before u start making stupid comments for advice
    There are many Nigerians guys who really wanna marry out here but the evil story and evil comments from Nigerians are making the ladies even scared to say hello once they know you are a Nigerian, and those who married 9ja among them are enjoying it,
    To marry a Nigerian lady sef na kasala, big one
    Make una continue to dey spoil una country oo then later blame it on Buhari
    Mumusians people🙄🙄

  4. Why should this be an issue for this American lady?. Here is America, they have worst. A lady could give birth today and pick up another man tomorrow and end up with 4 different baby fathers. She shouldn’t act like she’s an angel. We know how it works.

    She should tell her side of the story too. How many baby daddies she has LOL.

    Anyways, if this story is fact, if she wants to move forward and get married to him go ahead. Does marriage even lady in the US?. No. So what’s the big deal.

    And you Nigerian ladies commenting on here that have no idea what goes on in USA, you’d better zip it. My Nigerian friend who is green card holder brought his wife from Nigeria and he’s due for citizenship as well. But his wife started causing problems and the guy is now sent out of his house by authority and restraining order is in effect. This affects his citizenship application. It was rejected. Domestic violence affects citizenship. This is a lady that pretended to be good only to come to USA and screwed up the guy. They have two kids together. Authority would do what is in the best interest of the babies. So now the guy is living on the street and the lady lives in his apartment and she can easily bring different guys to sleep with her. Shame on some of you Nigerian ladies. That’s why Nigerian Americans fear to bring their wife or girl friend here.

  5. Amanda you’re absolutely right. I think people should stop giving a wrong advise before it causes further strain on lovers relationship. This happened to me when I first moved into United States from Europe more than 2 decades ago. I met this lady an African American. She was even a Police Officer. We started well and real connected until when she told me she had a friend from Nigeria and she wanted me to meet her. I wasn’t really eager for this to happen because I knew how some of our girls behave.

    I kept avoiding this situation until one day when we drove through their neighborhood and my ex who was then my fiancée said she wanted to say hi to her friend and told me that apart from that she wanted her to do something for her. Reluctantly we went in there the lady and her husband both from Nigeria exchange greetings with me in our local dialect. She came from Ekiti in Ondo State. To cut the long story short, as if I had predicted that scenario. That Ekiti woman told my fiancée behind my back that the moment he saw me, she knew that I am Faworaja (Play boy) she told her that I’m not the right guy for her. She said I’m too handsome to keep her . She told her she was very sure that I will eventually leave her to marry a young girl. This woman knew nothing about me and destroyed me by her word of mouth. Since that time, things have never been the same. Because of what that woman said about me, I experienced worst aspect of love. Before I can say something my lady will tell me, all you want is to get your citizenship and later abandon me. I tried hard to convince her but she said, since we both came from the same Country, she knew more about how we Nigerian men behave. She said she knew her before she even met me and she has been her long time friend.So, she believed her over me.

    I can’t describe what I experienced in a single writing. As at that time I was in the middle of processing my Green Card through married to her as a US citizen but my intention was not base on getting green card at that time. Just to corroborate your point that we are our own enemies. That one day statement caused a lot of set back for me but God saw me through.

    I later reported this issue to that woman’s husband who was so upset about how his wife bad attitude and damaging words she said about me. They nearly separated because of my issue but I thank God that the same lady assisted me in getting my Green Card but the lost love can never be retrieved. That is another story for another day.
    Whenever we are giving advise on a public forum, we should be more careful because our tongue can cause a irreparable damage at the expense of genuine people.

    • God bless you at Jilo for this life changing personal story.
      Thanks to all the commentators who have contributed in one way or the other. God bless una.

    • Your story touched me @ Jilo. Some Africans are very wicked in the way they deal with each other. I am happy for the happy end of your story. People like you with great heart are very rare to come by. I’m based in Milwaukee will like to be your friend if you allow me to.
      Awaiting your reply

  6. Most folks just come here to say nonsense, The Ignorant Nigerians that don’t have no clue of what’s going on in their respective lives , wants to advise another person, Can a blind lead the blind. The lady in question is crazy for coming to this forum to ask for advice, Here in the US, they live the most miserable life style when it comes to marriage or infidelity, she needs to tell us how many baby daddy she has before meeting this brother and why she never gat married to any one from America, To hell with her citizenship, many of them end up in jail /shelter and government support with their so called citizenship. She can marry him or go marry the American dude that will put hands on her, take her money and have another kids with another woman.. Its only when they dealing with a foreigner that want to claim Holier than Thou……She can keep her citizenship and remain single or get married… Today, seventy percent of African-American women are single. Unfortunately many of these sistas don’t understand it’s the little things they do that are keeping them from having a healthy relationship with a Black man. I feel if Black women had any insight into how they were acting they’d understand why they couldn’t find that “good” man who will want to share in a relationship with them.

    Want to know why seventy percent of Black women are single? Here are some of the reasons:

    Negative Attiude There’s always a storm cloud around a Black woman. Because she’s constantly down in the dumps she projects negative energy about herself. That negative energy makes people stay away from her and it erects a wall around her that keeps her from connecting with people.

    Ironically it’s this attitude that keeps her from the very people she professes to want in her life like a good man. Most Black women don’t know that like attracts like and in order to get a good positive Black man, a Black woman must be good and positive as well.

    Defensive body language- Because a Black woman is always on the defensive she’s always acting in ways to make people keep their distance. Crossed arms, crossed legs, haughty looks, are all signs a person isn’t interested in connecting with someone. What many Black women don’t understand is that expression of this body language is like erecting a brick wall in front of themselves turning away the very men they complain won’t talk to them.

    Hostile demeanor A Black woman rarely smiles. Her face is often twisted in a scowl or a grimace of disgust. These facial expressions make people turn away from someone and avoid them. A smile is a sign that someone is approachable. When someone smiles, it’s a sign that there’s a chance for friendship and possibly a personal connection. But when a person is always scowling or grimacing it’s a sign to avoid them.

    Verbally abusive African-American women do not know how to be tactful. Instead of choosing their words carefully and being sensitive to people’s feelings, they often say things that insult or offend people. Worse, when Black women speak to people it’s with a harsh or a condescending tone of voice. Many Black women have been conditioned to behave defensively in all aspects of their life and they don’t understand that the abrasive way they speak to people keeps them away.
    Emotionally abusive A Black woman doesn’t know how connect with men emotionally. Because she wasn’t raised understanding how to express her emotions to men she’s always on the defensive. And because she’s always on the defensive all of her expressions of emotions often come across as attacks. This alienates the men in her life and keeps them from getting close to her.

    Never a kind word A Black woman rarely has anything positive to say about anything or anyone. They never tell the men in their lives that they’ve done anything good for them. Some don’t even say please or thank you. Little things like this are expressions of appreciation and gratitude. If a person can’t express their feelings towards someone they care about then how can they have a relationship with them?

    Black women need to think about it this way: Would anyone want to come home to someone who always complains, is NEVER HAPPY, and NEVER SATISFIED? That kind of person is just GRATING and will DRIVE PEOPLE AWAY FROM THEM.

    Unwilling to fight fair When African-American women they argue with a Black man, they just don’t disagree, they hit below the belt. They launch into personal attacks about handicaps, unemployment, or other issues Black men having. These attacks hit brothers like fists, knocking them down emotionally. As they heal from their wounds they learn to keep their distance from Black women. Some are so emotionally traumatized from the abuse that they want nothing to do with Black women in the future.

    Always has to get the last word in A Black woman can never let a man cool down and go back to his corner when he decides to leave an argument. When a man is upset and retreating from the conflict, she follows him looking to get one last statement in. And when she does this, she goes in for the kill with low blows and cheap shots in an attempt to humiliate her man and make him feel worthless. Sistas need to understand that sometimes it’s best to let a man walk away and keep her comments to herself.

    Unsupportive When a Black man wants to do something and asks a black woman to be there for him, Black women aren’t there to provide support at all. Instead of helping their men in their careers or even in their hobbies, Black women often put the needs of others in front of the needs of their partners. And no man wants to be a fifth wheel in a relationship where he’s supposed to be a partner.

    When a woman doesn’t support her man it makes him feel like he isn’t being valued. And when a man feels like he isn’t valued by his partner he decides to abandon the relationship, either emotionally by disconnecting or physically by cheating.

    Shows no respect to her man A Black woman won’t show a Black man the most basic of courtesies. She won’t introduce him to her friends and family. She won’t stand up for him when people speak bad about him. And a woman who won’t stand up for a man won’t stand with him in a time of crisis.

    Destroys and damages a man’s property When some Black women are upset with their man she’ll destroy his property. Cut up clothes, key his car, break his awards and keepsakes. By destroying his things, it’s a clear sign that she has no respect for him.

    Mocks and belittles a man’s hobbies and interests Because a Black woman is narcissistic, she doesn’t see value in anything relating to what a Black man does. If a Black man has hobbies and interests that don’t relate to sating her ego (buying her stuff), she’ll mock them and belittle them as “stupid”, “childish” and a “waste of money”. Because she doesn’t see the personal value they have to him she mocks and insults them not knowing that she’s showing how little respect she has for him.

    Mocks and belittles men in the company of her friends and family Black women are known to make fun their boyfriends and husbands when out with their girlfriends. Some are known to mock and belittle their men in front of friends and family at social functions! These actions speak volumes about a Black woman’s character. How can someone profess to love someone in private yet show them absolutely no respect in public?
    Lady go think and know what you really wants out of life please and my advice to the Ignorant Nigerians, Kill your fellow brother without facts from both sides of the aisle… later you want to blame Buhari and Jonathan for your failure…..

  7. Most folks just come here to say nonsense, The Ignorant Nigerians that don’t have no clue of what’s going on in their respective lives , wants to advise another person, Can a blind lead the blind. The lady in question is crazy for coming to this forum to ask for advice, Here in the US, they live the most miserable life style when it comes to marriage or infidelity, she needs to tell us how many baby daddy she has before meeting this brother and why she never gat married to any one from America, To hell with her citizenship, many of them end up in jail /shelter and government support with their so called citizenship. She can marry him or go marry the American dude that will put hands on her, take her money and have another kids with another woman.. Its only only when they dealing with a foreigner that want to claim Holier than Thou……She can keep her citizenship and remain single or get married… Today, seventy percent of African-American women are single. Unfortunately many of these sistas don’t understand it’s the little things they do that are keeping them from having a healthy relationship with a Black man. I feel if Black women had any insight into how they were acting they’d understand why they couldn’t find that “good” man who will want to share in a relationship with them.

    Many reasons why Black women are single? Here are some of the reasons:

    Negative Attiude There’s always a storm cloud around a Black woman. Because she’s constantly down in the dumps she projects negative energy about herself. That negative energy makes people stay away from her and it erects a wall around her that keeps her from connecting with people.

    Ironically it’s this attitude that keeps her from the very people she professes to want in her life like a good man. Most Black women don’t know that like attracts like and in order to get a good positive Black man, a Black woman must be good and positive as well.

    Defensive body language- Because a Black woman is always on the defensive she’s always acting in ways to make people keep their distance. Crossed arms, crossed legs, haughty looks, are all signs a person isn’t interested in connecting with someone. What many Black women don’t understand is that expression of this body language is like erecting a brick wall in front of themselves turning away the very men they complain won’t talk to them.

    Hostile demeanor A Black woman rarely smiles. Her face is often twisted in a scowl or a grimace of disgust. These facial expressions make people turn away from someone and avoid them. A smile is a sign that someone is approachable. When someone smiles, it’s a sign that there’s a chance for friendship and possibly a personal connection. But when a person is always scowling or grimacing it’s a sign to avoid them.

    Verbally abusive African-American women do not know how to be tactful. Instead of choosing their words carefully and being sensitive to people’s feelings, they often say things that insult or offend people. Worse, when Black women speak to people it’s with a harsh or a condescending tone of voice. Many Black women have been conditioned to behave defensively in all aspects of their life and they don’t understand that the abrasive way they speak to people keeps them away.

    Emotionally abusive A Black woman doesn’t know how connect with men emotionally. Because she wasn’t raised understanding how to express her emotions to men she’s always on the defensive. And because she’s always on the defensive all of her expressions of emotions often come across as attacks. This alienates the men in her life and keeps them from getting close to her.

    Never a kind word A Black woman rarely has anything positive to say about anything or anyone. They never tell the men in their lives that they’ve done anything good for them. Some don’t even say please or thank you. Little things like this are expressions of appreciation and gratitude. If a person can’t express their feelings towards someone they care about then how can they have a relationship with them?

    Black women need to think about it this way: Would anyone want to come home to someone who always complains, is NEVER HAPPY, and NEVER SATISFIED? That kind of person is just GRATING and will DRIVE PEOPLE AWAY FROM THEM.

    Unwilling to fight fair When African-American women they argue with a Black man, they just don’t disagree, they hit below the belt. They launch into personal attacks about handicaps, unemployment, or other issues Black men having. These attacks hit brothers like fists, knocking them down emotionally. As they heal from their wounds they learn to keep their distance from Black women. Some are so emotionally traumatized from the abuse that they want nothing to do with Black women in the future.

    Always has to get the last word in A Black woman can never let a man cool down and go back to his corner when he decides to leave an argument. When a man is upset and retreating from the conflict, she follows him looking to get one last statement in. And when she does this, she goes in for the kill with low blows and cheap shots in an attempt to humiliate her man and make him feel worthless. Sistas need to understand that sometimes it’s best to let a man walk away and keep her comments to herself.

    Unsupportive When a Black man wants to do something and asks a black woman to be there for him, Black women aren’t there to provide support at all. Instead of helping their men in their careers or even in their hobbies, Black women often put the needs of others in front of the needs of their partners. And no man wants to be a fifth wheel in a relationship where he’s supposed to be a partner.

    When a woman doesn’t support her man it makes him feel like he isn’t being valued. And when a man feels like he isn’t valued by his partner he decides to abandon the relationship, either emotionally by disconnecting or physically by cheating.

    Shows no respect to her man A Black woman won’t show a Black man the most basic of courtesies. She won’t introduce him to her friends and family. She won’t stand up for him when people speak bad about him. And a woman who won’t stand up for a man won’t stand with him in a time of crisis.

    Destroys and damages a man’s property When some Black women are upset with their man she’ll destroy his property. Cut up clothes, key his car, break his awards and keepsakes. By destroying his things, it’s a clear sign that she has no respect for him.

    Mocks and belittles a man’s hobbies and interests Because a Black woman is narcissistic, she doesn’t see value in anything relating to what a Black man does. If a Black man has hobbies and interests that don’t relate to sating her ego (buying her stuff), she’ll mock them and belittle them as “stupid”, “childish” and a “waste of money”. Because she doesn’t see the personal value they have to him she mocks and insults them not knowing that she’s showing how little respect she has for him.

    Mocks and belittles men in the company of her friends and family Black women are known to make fun their boyfriends and husbands when out with their girlfriends. Some are known to mock and belittle their men in front of friends and family at social functions! These actions speak volumes about a Black woman’s character. How can someone profess to love someone in private yet show them absolutely no respect in public?

    This is the kind of public humiliation and emasculation makes a man feel worthless. It’s the kind of cruelty shows men that they aren’t respected, valued or appreciated. It’s the kind of behavior that drives men away from a woman into the arms of another woman.

    Arrogant A Black woman often thinks she knows everything. She’s unwilling to listen to others or defer to another person’s knowledge, especially if it’s a Black man. Because she’s so proud she’d rather fail and be the “strong black woman” rather than ask for help from her partner, the Black man. Because In a Black woman’s eyes she is NEVER wrong and can NEVER be wrong.

    And Because a Black woman believes she is NEVER wrong, she hides her flaws from everyone. That makes it hard for anyone to connect with her. What most black women don’t understand is it’s only when people understand they aren’t perfect that they can have relationships with each other where they support and care for each other.

    What’s worse than a Black woman’s hubris is the fact that most Black women think they’re better than everyone else. Black women think they are PERFECT and think everyone must come up to the level of pseudo greatness they imagine themselves at. They create unrealistic lists of criteria and think men are supposed to jump through hoops to meet their ridiculous standards. This is why they’re deeply disappointed when they try to pursue relationships with the opposite sex. No real person can ever be what they imagine them to be. Lady go marry your fellow American , why are you looking for a Nigerian in the first place.

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