By Albinus Chiedu
It is the foundation of every building that determines to what extent that building can keep standing. In the same vein, the foundation of a marital relationship determines the durability and success of such relationship.
Today, marriages collapse for various reasons such as faulty foundation, evil seed from third parties, spiritual manipulation and other products of Satan, the devil. However, research has shown that very many marriages fail as a result of faulty foundations. Examples of faulty foundation in marriage are very many.
A marriage without premarital courtship has a faulty foundation. Marriage is not a joke. If you are among those who believe that courtship before marriage is not necessary, you are deceiving yourself.
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9). Human beings are complex in nature.
If couples who had premarital courtship still have to trust God’s grace and assistance for success in marriage, I don’t know how a male and female adult that met face-to-face for the first time on their wedding day can live together happily ever after as husband and wife.
Courtship involves observation of each other’s attitudes, likes and dislikes, facial reaction to situations, voice and action expression modes and so on. If you lack information on these and other necessary factors in someone of the opposite sex, who you intend to live with for the rest of your life, and you are looking forward to a blissful marriage, you are a joker.
A premarital relationship involving sexual intercourse has a faulty foundation. Sex-driven relationship is a failure going somewhere to happen. Sex is a very powerful force but is not strong enough to make a relationship work if other critical factors are missing from it. Good sexual performance is not equal to good spouse material.
The character of a person cannot be accurately measured or judged by how good or bad he/she is in bed.
This relationship is driven by lust. Here, sex becomes a narcotic that deadens you to the real world. Doors on all other areas of your life are closed just to satisfy your lust. When this happens, you are blind and deaf to reason. You bluntly refuse to see the weaknesses and character flaws of your sin partner because the pleasure of sex has taken over your faculty of judgement. This relationship is self-centred and selfish.
The moment sexual pleasure ceases, the relationship crumbles. If your partner sees another person who could possibly perform better than you in bed, he/she will dump you. All he or she knows about you is how good you are in bed.
That is the criteria by which he measures your person. Your worth as a human being should be measured by the universal values of honesty, integrity, love, vision, diligence, among others. Judging you by your sexual ability reduces you to the level of a prostitute. Premarital sex does not guarantee a successful marriage. The best it can do is to guarantee a wedding ceremony. Wedding ceremony is a one-day event. Marriage is a lifetime affair.
Don’t sponsor somebody’s education for the purpose of marrying the person. If you sponsor somebody’s university education, that is charity. But this must be separated from marital commitments. Don’t tie your marital relationship to that.
Please! Don’t get me wrong. People have succeeded with such arrangements. But such people only got married because they loved each other and desired to marry themselves; not because someone sponsored somebody’s education. It is not a reason for marriage. This mix-up has broken many hearts.
Don’t lie about who you are, to the person you intend to marry. A lie-driven relationship is a relationship built on a faulty foundation. Don’t lie about your past, your career, family and future. “My father is the owner of Lagos head bridge”, and so on.
The problem here is that you will always need new lies to cover up the former ones you created. Deception is the order of the day in such relationship, and you are never sure of what to say or do to avoid being caught. Trust, the foundation for a lasting relationship, is absent in this relationship. So, it stands on a sandy soil. If for instance, you told the guy you are a virgin or you have never committed abortion, or you attended a school you never did or you worked in a certain place; one day, the lie will be discovered. This may end the relationship, even though the person eventually started falling in love with you.
A marital relationship that is built on the dictates of one of the party’s parents has a faulty foundation. Marriage is for adults and not for babies. If as a potential husband, it is your parents that dictate how much you give to your fiancee, which church your potential wife must attend, which job your fiancée must be doing before your marriage proposal and so on, there is already fault in your marital foundation.
A marital relationship that is strictly based on class connection is a faulty one.
Here, the couple are drawn together because of their family business, political, financial or social ties. Many wealthy families arrange marriages between their children for economic reasons. The parents here want to create a synergy between their family businesses and create more wealth for themselves. The parties are groomed to believe that they can only marry within a particular social class of people. Love does not matter most times. As long as business will flourish, the wedding holds.
The danger here is that the couple may get married and have a couple of children but their lives will be a farce, fake life. They may keep up appearances for people, attend parties and other social engagements together but in most cases, they both have affairs outside their marriage.
“For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ” (1st Corinthians 3:11).