Marriage Is Good & Sweet But Don’t Rush Into It
Marriage is good. Marriage is sweet. The union between two people who love, respect and want to spend the rest of their lives together is a beautiful experience.
The sad thing is that some people make preparations for wedding without equipping themselves for the journey of marriage itself.
Marriage is a long journey that you can’t tell for certain what lies ahead of you and your partner. This is why it is not advisable to rush into marriage. People should look before they leap when it comes to choosing their spouses.
The worst thing on earth after poverty is ending up in a bad marriage. Dealing with a bad spouse drains you emotionally, physically and mentally. It destroys your self esteem and robs you of peace. You become a shadow of yourself if you have the misfortune of marrying the wrong person.
You feel most of your friends are getting married except for you and your partner. To complicate matters, friends and family are already asking, “When is it your turn?” Sure, you and your partner are in love and marriage seems to be the next logical step, but before you jump into a hasty decision, there are some reasons why you shouldn’t give in to the pressure to tie the knot just yet. Make sure you are truly ready to settle down before you walk down that road to avoid stories that touch in the future.
You only get to experience the special time between falling in love and getting married once. Allow room for you and your partner to grow as individuals and for your relationship to grow naturally as a couple.
Relationships cannot be rushed to maturity. This is your time to nurture your relationship, work out all the kinks, and be sure that it has all the potential to just get better and better as time goes on.
Give yourselves the opportunity to bond in new ways over new things without being married. Relationships and marriage are just like everything else in life – if you force them, if you rush them, it’s not going to go well.
You have to also consider your priorities in life before deciding on marriage. Make sure you are both on the same page about each other’s career goals as well as personal achievements and experiences. In short, live your life to the fullest before thinking about settling down.
Marriage comes with a lot of responsibilities and compromises, and subjecting yourself to all these negotiations may make you wonder a few years down the life if you have missed any opportunities and not built for yourself a life you deserved and wanted.
Educate yourself, travel as much as you can, know people, make friends, develop a career, and then say “I do”. Life’s like a cycle. Complete each stage before moving onto the next. Don’t rush because you won’t be able to go back, to finish the unfinished business.
Rushing into marriage does not guarantee that the relationship will not fall apart. You don’t want to have regrets and wonder what things would have been like if you hadn’t rushed into settling down so quickly with your partner.
Regrets and what ifs can also cause a lot of drama and tension in a relationship if you or your partner begin to think that things might have gone better for you if had made a different choice. You definitely don’t want to end up feeling like you have settled.
Just because you haven’t tied the knot doesn’t mean your relationship is incomplete. Not being married does not mean you are alone or that you don’t have somebody to trust and to count on in times of need.
If you are married, it’s generally assumed you will always have somebody – for better or worse. But when you are not married, you will also always have somebody for better or worse, somebody to count on, love, laugh with, fight with, miss, confide in and rely on. You don’t need to be married to have all the things marriage is supposed to give you – a life rich with experience and intimacy.
There are certain things you have to reflect upon before getting married. One, reflect on the compatibility of you and your partner’s characteristics and personalities. You might have known each other well enough to a certain extent, but are you ready to stand beside your partner in his or her ugliest phase of emotions?
The challenge has toughened now that you need to explore the well-hidden emotions from what may lead you into doubting if you are the one for each other. Oftentimes, our compassion for the other half fades when he or she reacts unexpectedly in times of crises. This is the reality of a relationship that you will face when you two do get into marriage.
Weddings can be expensive, so the both of you should evaluate your financial situations before deciding to get married. You don’t want to spend your married life in debt, and you would be surprised by how often couples fight because of money.
I pity people who get married banking on other people’s money and benevolence. The idea of getting married when you both have no viable means of livelihood is suicide mission. You don’t get married without any financial plan and start feeling entitled to other people’s money tomorrow.
If you are planning to get married, have your own money no matter how small and stop waiting for people to pay your rent, feed you and your spouse and even pay for your hospital bills when your wife eventually gives birth to your baby.
Although some couples open a joint account and do business together even before they get married, permanently sharing your financial system with another person is a whole new level altogether. Waiting to tie the knot will give you time to formulate a feasible living budget that will fit the lifestyle you anticipate with your partner.
Marriage is a life-long commitment that comes with responsibilities, money, children, and routines which require maturity, hard work and compromise from both sides. Are both of you mature enough to deal with all that?
The house chores, the errands, cooking, the education of your child, etc. are all a part and parcel of marriage and no person, who isn’t mature enough, can look after all these things simultaneously.
These things are not women’s responsibilities alone. So, men are you ready to be involved in your marriage a hundred percent and be a hands-on parent with your children instead of claiming their mother should raise them?
Marriage is not just a union between you and your partner; it’s a union between both your families. This is especially true for this society, so you will have to be ready to face both positive and negative responses upon your relationship becoming official.
We all go through highs and lows in the relationship with our own family, and being in a serious relationship means having yet another set of family. Being a part of your partner’s family is in some sense trickier than meeting them for the first time. Ask yourself: Am I ready to be a part of his or her family? Is my family ready to welcome him or her?
Trust is essential in any relationship, and it applies in marriage as well. Being married means you will be sharing almost every aspect of life with your partner, which includes coming clean about your emotional baggage with your partner and vice versa.
Childhood nightmares, toxic relationship experiences and the scars that remain after bitter encounter with others could affect your present relationship. It can creep into your relationship when you least expect it. But all those things can slowly be resolved if you are willing to share your baggage with your partner.
Ultimately, marriage is a decision that will last for you and your partner’s entire life. Take all the time you need to really think about it and ask yourselves if you are both physically and emotionally ready to take the next step in your relationship.
[About the author: Kate Halim is a relationship coach and marriage success expert. Contact her at Katehalim@ymail.com]