Happy Marriage Tips: How To Make Your Marriage Work… 15 tips for a successful marriage
Some of these reasons are;
- Abuse whether physical or emotional
- Inadequate communication
- Little or no commitment from either or both spouses
- Over protection
- Financial issues, etc.
Happier marriages are mostly achieved when the couples are willing to find and fix the problems in their marriage. Now, let’s move unto the things we can do to make our marriages happier.
15 tips for a successful marriage
Accept your partner
Opening our arms wide to our spouses even with all their flaws is one of the best things we can do for our marriages. This doesn’t mean you should always keep quiet about the ills of your spouse; it means you should talk to them once about it with love and never bring it up again. For instance, if your partner keeps late nights and you are unhappy about it, talk to him just once. If it gets more than once, it turns into a nag.
We sometimes think we can change our partners; that’s not true. We can’t change our partners, love can. This is the reason one has to be very careful while choosing a spouse. If your partner has major issues you know you can’t live with, don’t even marry. One of the worst things you can do to yourself is to marry someone with the hope that you will be able to change them. If you are one of those that got married with that hope, I advise you drop it now because the more you work towards changing your partner, the more they will pull from you.
If we all love our spouses without trying to change them, we will realize that they will be more drawn to us. When they know they are loved truly, they will on their own be compelled to change for themselves and not because someone wants them to.
Forgive and forget
I know there are issues that the word ‘forgiveness’ sounds like its forbidden; but despite this issue, let it go. As long as you don’t want to get a divorce, the best thing you can do for your marriage is to forgive yourself and your spouse and put it completely behind you.
Stop reliving the past, you will only get hurt. If you have chosen to stay with your partner despite all their wrongs, then you must be happy staying there. Do not let grudges steal your joy and drain out the little love that was left in your marriage.
This is also related to acceptance. We make the mistake of thinking that love is all about give and take; that’s wrong. Love is all about give and give. You don’t expect when you love a person, if you do, then it has been converted to lust. Love your partner even when they prove to you they do not deserve it, don’t let their ungratefulness stop you from pouring out your heart to them.
If you are faced with really serious issues like infidelity or abuse, you can live but that doesn’t mean you should hate them. If you are not faced with this kind of issue, then you have no excuse not to love your partner from the depth of your heart.
You don’t have to hurt them just because they hurt you, love covers all. See them like the new born; imagine they have no idea of what they are doing. Pour out true love, the love that is strong enough to pull all things to itself and watch it pull your partner right back into your arms.
Consciously learn new strategies to help you communicate effectively
One of the major challenges of marriages is poor communication. This does not mean you are not discussing the issue enough, it means you are not receiving what each other is projecting so you end up having an inexplicable misunderstanding.
To overcome this challenge, learn new ways to pass messages across to your partner. Be sure your words project what you mean and also be sure your tone doesn’t betray your intentions.
Communication is a two sided process, you send and receive. If you keep sending, there will be an imbalance in the system and may cause the system to fail. When you do not listen to what your partner has to say, you may not know how to understand and make adjustments to fit your marriage.
Give listening ears to your spouse, not hearing them out hurts them more than you can imagine. Pay attention to their complaints and reasons. If they nag, take your mind off the nagging and get to find out what is really fueling their nag.
Make compromise when necessary
Rigidity is only perfect for those who want to stay single all their lives; that way, people won’t be put at the center of their beliefs and unbending nature. If your marriage must be a successful and happy one, you must be willing to compromise.
Marriage is a place where people from completely different backgrounds with different upbringings come together to become one so if it must work, the two parties must be willing to leave their extremes to arrive at a midpoint.
Taking responsibility means doing what you are meant to do. If everybody played their roles in marriage, it would have been happier and more fulfilling than it is now. So as a spouse, you have to do what is expected of you in the marriage; let it be that you have played your own part well before you look out for your partner to play his.
Taking responsibility also means owning up for what you did wrong. If you offended your partner, own up and clean the mess. Don’t push the blame and wait for your partner to be the one running after you to apologize.
Renew the love
Love gets old, especially when you have been doing the same thing over and over again. In marriage, spouses get too familiar with each other and let the issues of marriage cloud their minds that it buries the love they had for each other. The worst of all is that this happening goes unnoticed until it becomes really late.
As a couple, you should be able to do those things you did together when you were still dating. Go for dinners, take a trip without the children and show some little romantic gestures to your spouse.
Spice up your intimate life
Having sex the same way every time kills the fun in it. Try new styles out with your partner, go crazy and stop leaching on the one and only missionary style. Be spontaneous, initiate sex when your spouse least expected it (please, just don’t do it in a place your spouse will feel embarrassed) and watch as you burn with the same fierce and passion you once did during your early marriage.
One more thing, let sex be expressive. Let it tell your partner how you feel about him/her. Communicate through it; let passion say the things you can’t.
Be more appreciative
Don’t wait for your spouse to buy a mansion in your name before you show appreciation. Appreciate little things (even the things you tag ‘silly’), thank him for taking out the garbage, thank him for coming home early, let her know you appreciate her for always getting the meals ready on time, let them know you are not taking them for granted. This is one of the things that can keep the flame of your marriage burning forever.
Respect your spouse
Spouses, especially men love respect. Being disrespectful to them even when they are wrong chokes out the love they have for you. If you want them to love you better, remember to respect them at all times. Watch your words and actions. Don’t kill the love you are trying to nurture.
Women too thrive with respect. There is no way you can tell a woman that you love her and expect her to believe you when you don’t respect her. The respect you have for her will put other women in their place and it will get her to adjust from everything that may make you feel disappointed.
Be vulnerable to each other
Open up, love is when you give out the whole of you even when you know you will end up being hurt. When you are with someone that loves you, being vulnerable will only make your bond stronger but closing up your sensitive part will end up leaving your partner frustrated.
Don’t threaten your partner with divorce
No matter how bad it gets, don’t threaten your partner with divorce. When you do this, you suck out their love for you and make them loose interest in investing in the marriage because they believe you will someday leave.
If they do anything that deserves the threat, let your actions speak.
Don’t be controlling
Being married doesn’t mean you should stop your partner from being a person. They have their own lives to live, let them. When they have the freedom to go where they want to and do what they love, they will love you more and you won’t lack what to talk about in your marriage.
Be real, drop the fantasy
This is where most people get it wrong. They think their partners are supposed to be perfect but this can’t be. They are humans too and can’t grant you all you’ve dreamed of. So get over this dream and adjust yourself to be satisfied with your partner.