June 11, 2016 – Read This If You Are Looking For A Good Wife Or Husband Or Wants To Make Your Marriage Work
“For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish” (Luke 14:28-30) Marriage is a destiny-related lifetime journey that requires a prayerful research, greater than the one described above by the Lord Jesus Christ himself. Unfortunately, many of today’s singles have developed a very wrong perception of the marital institution with many ideas that are full of errors.
No thanks to globalization and the social media, which is a warehouse, of the good, the bad and the ugly. Now, if you are searching for a wife or husband, I presume you are searching for a good thing. “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22). To get any good thing in life, you must search for that thing with the appropriate instrument or criteria.
If you need very good furniture, you do not go to a tailor or fashion designer’s shop to look for it. You will get the wrong feedback. A furniture shop or furniture maker is the right person or place to approach. An African proverb says that a bent tree cannot give you a straight shadow.
This piece focuses on the wrong criteria for searching for a spouse, which many have adopted as the right criteria, only to move into troubled marriages. One very wrong criterion is premarital sexual performance. Please note that your spouse searchengine is not your private part. If you make your private part your tool for searching for a life partner, you are VERY likely to end up as either a single prostitute or a heartbroken person or a married adulterer.
A sex-driven relationship is a failure going somewhere to happen. Sex is a very powerful force but is not strong enough to make a relationship work if other critical factors are missing from it. Good sexual performance is not equal to good spouse material.
The character of a person cannot be accurately measured or judged by how good or bad he or she is in bed. This relationship is driven by lust. Here, sex becomes a narcotic that deadens you to the real world. Doors on all other areas of your life are closed just to satisfy your lust.
When this happens, you are blind and deaf to reason. You bluntly refuse to see the weaknesses and character flaws of your sin partner because the pleasure of sex has taken over your faculty of judgement. This relationship is self-centred and selfish. The moment sexual pleasure ceases, the relationship crumbles.
If your partner sees another person who could possibly perform better than you in bed, he or she will dump you. All he or she knows about you is how good you are in bed. That is the criteria by which he measures your person. Your worth as a human being should be measured by the universal values of honesty, integrity, love, vision, diligence, among others. Judging you by your sexual ability reduces you to the level of a prostitute.
Money is important to marriage but money-driven relationship is not safe. There are so many marital problems that money may not solve. This is why we have records of billionaire couples that divorce. When the size of wallet becomes the ONLY REASON that a marital relationship exists, money determines how you feel and respond to each other. When he gives you money and expensive gifts, you love and cherish him. But when he doesn’t, it is trouble. No money, no love.
This also applies to a guy who marries a lady because she has money. It is slavery. The person’s money buys your conscience and your feelings. Even if you see the person flirting with other people, you tend to overlook it because you are enslaved by his or her money.
It is the wallet you love and not the person. Your feelings don’t matter. It is almost impossible to deny the person sex because when you do, he or she zips up the big wallet. If for any reason, the person loses the financial status, your love immediately dies. You become irritated, impatient and angry around him or her. All you wanted was his or her money.
Now, no more money! Another wrong criterion for choosing your husband or wife is tribe or race. Individuals vary in character. Each tribe, race, community and family in this world have people who are very bad, some who are very good, some who are fairly good and others who are not so good.
Therefore, branding an entire tribe or race as a bad tribe or race is a display of ignorance. Tribalism or racism can blindfold you and prevent you from seeing the good thing you are searching for in life. God in heaven is God of all flesh and not for some. Jesus Christ loves and died for everyone and not for some people (John 3:16).
Anyone that exhibits tribal discrimination on any issue is not a Christian and does not know God. Finally, do not marry someone simply because the person goes to some church or is a fellow church member. A church goer who has not accepted Jesus Christ as personal Lord and saviour; a church member who does not exhibit the fruits of the holy spirit (Ephesians 5:22-23); a church member whose character goes contrary to the nature and character of Jesus Christ might not be the good thing you are looking for as a life partner.
Read the book, MAKING YOUR MARRIAGE WORK by Albinus Chiedu for more.