What To Talk About On First Dates With Someone You Met In High School, College Or Someone You Met Online
13 First Dates Ideas, Do’s And Don’ts
Going on first dates can be the most agonising thing to do especially when you have left the dating game for a long time. You are concerned about what to wear (especially for the ladies) should you wear a dress, jumpsuit, skirt and blouse, trousers etc. What jewelry should you use, what make up to wear, what perfume to wear, what shoe etc.
These questions and more tug at your mind as you get ready for your first date. It becomes worse if he did not tell you where you both are going. So you are worried about wearing your best dress and ending up at the park, or the mall or the arcade or appearing in jeans and T-shirt when you both are going for a cocktail dinner.
To calm your nerves and get your head right, here is what you should do: for you both to be going out on a date means you both have been talking right? Great. So politely ask him where you guys are going. Make him understand that you are not asking to undermine wherever it is he is taking you to but simply, to know so as to dress accordingly. He will appreciate this, plus, it will be better for you as well so you do not appear too eager and over-dress.
Now that you have found out where you both are going and can now pick out the perfect outfit, the next thing that bedevils your mind is how to comport and behave yourself while you both are out on the date. What will you order? What are you both going to talk about, what will you do if he tries to kiss you and the likes?
The good thing is that while you are thinking about those, he is also most likely thinking about it too especially if you both want to give each other a chance at a serious relationship.
So here goes: after you have suited up and you both see each other, chances are that all the carefully rehearsed words in your head will fly out the window the moment you see your date. You are now at loss as to what to say, you are fiddling with the napkin, hoping to think of something to say but you cannot even form the words.
This is perfectly normal and expected so do not beat yourself too much about it. Take your time, feel relaxed and enjoy the meal. Slowly but surely, ideas will come to you. You will realise that perhaps your carefully rehearsed words were not needed after all.
To make the date absolutely beautiful, here are some do’s and don’ts that you should comply with when you are out on the first date:
First Dates Do’s And Don’ts For Guys And Girls
Do not Press Your Phone
This has to be like the first thing you should be mindful of. Before meeting with your date, be sure that you have answered all your messages on WhatsApp, Snapchat and every other social media handle. Reply all your text messages as well then silence your phone. If possible, put your phone on airplane mode, that way you will not be worried about the tons of missed calls and messages you may receive if your phone is on silence.
This shows a high sense of commitment on your part and makes your date feel very important because she has all your undivided attention. Such an attitude would even make her consider going out again with you because every lady loves a guy who can be totally committed to her even if it is for just few hours.
Resist the temptation also to fiddle with your phone even if you are not checking it. To kill this urge, you can leave it in the car or alternatively, get a good purse and put it inside. This way you already know you are not going to unzip the purse until you both call it a night.
Do wear cool shoes
This goes for both of you. By wearing cool shoes I mean wear something really chic and cool for the occasion. Avoid showing that you are fashion-forward or trendy (at least not on the first night). Wear something really cool.
If you both went to the mall, comfortable sneakers or flats should do for the lady and for the guys, depending on your preference, boots are definitely a yes to achieve that relaxed yet dope look.
Just in case you do not know, after people are done appreciating what you are wearing, the next thing they turn to is your feet. So be sure to have that overall appeal by complementing that beautiful attire with a comfortable foot wear.
Do not talk about past relationships
Like for the love of God, do not. This is one mistake people make that ruin their first dates. The whole idea of a first date is to get to know each other. But asking questions about or bringing up issues about your past relationships will not augur well at all.
Keep that part to yourself in the mean time. It is even possible that you both may not go out again especially if you do not click. So that part should start coming up when you both can already feel the sparks and you know you want to take this farther than just dates, then and only then should you bring up the issue of your past life.
You can only talk about it (in the minutest of ways) if the other person says something in that line. For instance, if he/she mentions that their ex liked chicken suya and hence they like it too, you could probably add that yours was never a fan but you love it regardless. This way, you both have shared something in common without having to share sordid details of your past romances.
Do ask thoughtful questions
Since the first date is to get to know the other person, it is only natural that you should ask questions about them and be genuinely interested in the answers.
The mistake some people make and which puts the other person off is that they are more concerned about talking of their own selves and achievements without letting the other person even say a word.
This can happen to anybody so watch it when you notice that you have been the one talking for the past five minutes. Ask them questions and use the answers to develop even further questions. For instance, you could start by asking if they are enjoying the meal, if they like where you brought them to. Then gradually, you can build it up to their childhood, what could possibly annoy them and how to calm them down.
The whole aim is to know them so switch from one topic to another but do not ask private or intimate questions that may make the other person feel uncomfortable. Let it not sound like you are interrogating or probing.
Sound casual yet interested. You could ask them if they played any sport in high school, or their best subject back then. The person will actually feel very happy and comfortable discussing those with after which you will share yours of course.
Do not force the chemistry
Most people already know if they want to go out with someone again just after few minutes of being with the person. Others may take the while night to confirm. Which ever angle tour night takes, do not force the chemistry or convince yourself that it is working.
It is possible that on the very first day you both met, she seemed like the ideal woman for you. You liked the height, the skin colour, the perfume she was wearing and then you felt in your guts that she was the one.
Fast forward to the date, you realize that she is not as sweet as you thought. She was rude to the waiter/waitress, had poor table manners, seemed unconcerned about what you both were talking about etc.
Rather convincing yourself that it will work, allow the evening flow and if you are already sewing things that you cannot tolerate, then there is no point meeting each other again. Dates are meant to be enjoyed in each other’s company not to be endured. So the fact that you both went out does not mean it is going to work. Allow things to take their natural course.
Do mention dietary inclinations/preferences
It will really help if you let your date know of any food allergies you may be having or food inclinations (for instance if you are a vegan) or do not wat certain foods. This way, he already knows where to take you and what to expect. Imagine going taking you to somewhere he knows they make the best cat fish pepper soup only for you to blot out that you do not eat fish just after he has placed the orders? How do you think he will feel?
So to prevent this, let him know what you eat and do not eat. This way, it foes not come as an element of surprise to him. It could even form a good conversation topic for you both and you could also discover what his own food interests and preferences are too.
Do break the touch barrier
You probably already understand what is meant here. When you are out on a date and you see things are clicking, you know. If the guy is liking you, you can already tell.
However some very nice guys may be feeling too shy to reach across the table and touch you, even it as casual as a brush. If you can already feel this, why wait for him to do all the work when you feel the same way?
Unless of course he is the only one feeling that way then you do not need to do anything. But if the feeling is mutual instead of waiting for him and seeing how he is sweating and fidgeting just to make a hand contact, reach out instead and touch him.
Doing this already tells him that it is fine and that he has your permission to do same. You embolden him and when you do this, it makes him feel wanted and happy and that can set the pace for the rest of the evening.
Having seen some of the do’s and don’ts of a first date, let us looks at some conversation topics that can light up the evening:
What To Talk About On A First Date And What Not To Talk About
Admit you are nervous
Most likely you both are nervous (which is only natural). Admitting is going to be like an ice breaker and then you both would actually feel the tension melting away.
When you both have gotten over the nervous part, then it will set the pace for other things you both want to talk about.
Most people do not want the other person to know that they are nervous without knowing that the other is also struggling with the same issue. At the end of the day, you ruin it all because you are stuttering and basically trying to impress instead of being natural and free.
Whatever you say, do not lie
I know that in the course of trying to impress our first dates, we may try to embellish one or two truths so that they will fall in love with us. Sadly, this usually achieves the opposite unless of course you are not planning ongoing out with the person ever again. But if you are, you must realise that in due time, they will find out the truth. So instead of lying, it is even better you leave that particular aspect until when you both have a solid relationship.
Talk about jobs not pay
It is perfectly okay to ask them what they do for a living but what is not okay is you asking how much they earn or make. If you do, you are already setting off the alarm bells in the other person’s head because he/she is going to feel that you want them only because of how much they have and how much they can spend on you.
Do not size them up
You both may be talking of things you have done or areas of interests. For instance, they may say that they have traveled to Belgium and them you jump into telling them how you were in Canada last two months and how you just returned from Spain and is planning on going to Italy soon. Such will make the person feel insecure and may not want to share more.
Instead, allow them talk about their own experiences then reveal only a tiny fraction of your own so that it does not seem as though you are bragging.
Ask them about their favourites
this shows genuine interest and the other person will be happy sharing them with you. Ask them about their high school, university, interesting things they have done, stupid things they have done, favourite foods, hobbies, etc. All these show the other person that you are really interested in knowing them and this will definitely make them consider going out with you again.
Do not ask about the next date
You are not done with the present one and you are already asking about the next. That does not sound right. No matter how eager you are and how much you enjoyed their company, do not seem in a hurry to initiate a second one at least not just yet.
Be in the present, in the now and enjoy the evening. If the next one will happen, it will happen naturally without you fussing about it. So be in the now and allow things to happen on their own.
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