I Cheated On My Husband And He Would Not Forgive Or Take Me Back: What Should I Do?
Perhaps one of the most difficult things to deal with is forgiving a cheating partner and accepting them back (especially married couples). Getting your husband to forgive and trust you again is a huge task.
Most marriages usually crumble like a stack of badly arranged cards after that (especially since it is even a requirement for separation as stated by the Bible in Mathew. 5:31-32).
Getting your husband to forgive and take you back requires serious effort on your part. He needs to see absolute repentance and change of behaviour from you in order to be convinced of your change of heart.
You should take the following steps to make him forgive and take you back.
Remember, there is no guarantee that he would but these steps may help him reconsider you.
Admit: If you are truly committed to winning your husband’s forgiveness, then you should admit the wrong. There is no point beating about the bush or trying to cook up some silly excuses as to why you did what you did. Stop all the excuses and own up to what you have done.
End the Affair: There is no way you would be hoping to win back your husband’s trust and still not have called it quits with the affair. Cut off all ties with the other person and make sure your husband knows that you have.
You can decide to delete the other’s details from anywhere they are saved on your phone- e-mail, texts, social media platforms etc. As a boost, you can make your husband listen to your conversation with the person and make sure he hears when you end it completely. This would definitely score you some points.
Involve Family: This is not going to be easy I can assure you but you have to if it is going to help you. Talking to your own mother or an elderly relative from your own side of the family is your best bet. Chances are that your family would be more responsive and more lenient with you than his.
Therefore, ask someone to help you beg for his forgiveness and if push comes to shove, you could elicit the help of someone from his own side whom you know he listens to.
Have an Honest and Open Conversation: You would still need to discuss with your husband everything that happened. Think of a very good way to start. Your partner is hurting but talking about it is a good way to get past it a little.
Explain why you cheated on him and let him know you are willing to gain his forgiveness. Your husband is sure to ask questions at this stage therefore, be prepared to answer every question he asks you to the minutest detail and as honestly as possible. Do not shelve any question even if they gnaw at your heart. Make sure you give him time to process all the information they just received.
Sincerely Apologise: It does not just end with owning up and admitting your mistake
It needs to backed by a sincere apology. Let him know you understand how deeply you have hurt him and how much you are willing to change. Remember, the fact that you apologised is no guarantee that you would be forgiven. Your husband has every right to be angry and hold it against you. So when you do apologise, bear the following in mind:
- Your husband is likely to flare up and may not want to speak to you. Let him know you are not expecting an instant forgiveness but that you are committed to doing all it takes to win back his love, trust and forgiveness.
Give Him Some Space: After what you have done all of the above, your husband surely needs a lot of space from you. His mind would most likely be running riotous as to why you hurt him so badly. Therefore, give him some time to heal while you await his decision. Respect his decision and do not try to push it. If he asks you to leave the house, by all means do so. You can make arrangements to stay with a friend or in a hotel for a while.
If on the other hand he is the one who decides to leave the house for you, allow him all the time he needs. Do not bug him with calls, texts, asking when he is coming back or taking you in. It should all be at his own pace.
When and if your husband returns, you must:
Accommodate Him: This means doing literally anything he asks. At this stage, he may require certain things that he ordinarily would not have requested such as asking for details about your activities, checking your phone conversations, e-mail etc. Be willing to accommodate him and even much more that he may ask. If you start getting getting defensive and wanting privacy, you would only end up ruining the very trust you are trying to reestablish.
Do not just tell Him, Show Him: If you make all the grand promises with little or no action, then you have not done much. Your husband needs to see your efforts at winning his trust. Offer to massage his feet after work, cook his favourite meals, if he has a lot work that he cannot manage, offer to assist in any area you can. This would show him that you mean what you say.
Accept His Answer: You do realise that after all these, it is still possible he may not want you back. If he decides he cannot have you back after what you have done, then you must respect his decision (hard as this may be) and leave.
Moving On: If he does not take you back or forgives you and still decides not to take you back it is his right. At this stage, you should start making plans on how to be seeing the children ( if there are any). Work on yourself. Find out exactly why you did what you did and ensure it never happens again. If you feel seeking for counsel or a professional advice would help, by all means do.
This would help you have a productive relationship in case you decide to get into one in the future.