How To Live With A Cheating Husband You Still Love
The only thing(s) permitted to be endured is pain, hardship or anything that causes discomfort. So, if you feel at any point that you are “enduring” your marriage, that is not a good sign. Even your husband cheating on you is still not enough reason to endure your marriage.
Psychologists are of the opinion that it is best to leave than to endure an unhappy marriage. Some women may claim they are in it because of the children. This is also not a valid excuse. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed by both husband and wife and even the children.
Cheating is one of the numerous reasons marriages break up. Most wives cannot bear the pain and hurt that follow it. Now imagine having to live with a cheating husband. It is totally up to you to decide to leave the marriage for the sake of your own peace of mind.
But if you do decide to stay and try to work it out with a cheating husband, the following steps should help you. Bear in mind however that it is going to be very difficult for you because your relationship has been strained and knowing for a certain that your husband is actually cheating on you is a heavy burden.
Understand Why He Cheats: Every one that cheats be it a man or woman does so to meet an unmet need or needs- physical, material, sexual or otherwise.
However, there are some men who virtually have all of their needs met but are still chronic cheats. In this situation, the problem is definitely not you. If you are sure you satisfy your husband’s emotional, physical, social, sexual (especially sexual) and every other need you can think of yet, he still cheats, then you have the assurance that you are not omitting anything.
Despite this, try ro find out his reason for doing it. It could be his past experiences or even a spiritual problem. The important thing is to be sure to make enquiries. You may be amazed at what you would find out.
Find Help and Seek Support: Considering our society and how foreign it would be to seek for marriage counselling or therapy, it may not even cross your mind to seek for one. The truth is that there is quite a handful of marriage counsellors in Nigeria so you can actually get help from them if you so wish.
You can also talk to some elderly relatives from your side or his whom you are sure he listens to. Tell them about the situation and all that is going on. You can also talk to your spiritual leader or even an elderly couple you feel comfortable talking to. Their own experiences they share might be just what you need to get past your own.
Note that there is no guarantee this is going to work. But who knows, it could be a step in the right direction.
Get Tested For STDS: No matter what your husband tells you, you both know (especially you) that your health has been seriously jeopardized. Do not wait for him to get tested alone. Feeling ashamed and embarrassed about the situation is only going to make matters worse for you.
This is definitely not the time for it because you need to put yourself and health first and make taking care of yourself a priority. Your husband apparently does not care about his health otherwise, he would not go ahead cheating on you despite the health implications. You on the other hand however owe it to yourself and your children to stay alive and healthy.
Set Some Ground Rules: You are at the receiving end and it is bad enough that you are dealing with a cheating husband on a regular basis. Set some ground rules such as he not bringing his women over to the house, respecting your anniversary and the kids’ birthdays.
He needs to understand that your trust has been trampled and battered therefore you are doing everything possible to hold on to what is left. He must also not take calls from his women once he is at home. What he is doing is bad enough but bringing it home especially with the kids is definitely intolerable and unforgivable.
Set a time when you both discuss his activities in details. This is new territory for both of you and may take a while for you to adjust to it. The important thing is to make sure you do not let your suspicions get the better of you. Simply because your husband has cheated on you does not mean you have to put your own life on hold. Get busy with yourself and the kids and do not get caught up in his own life.
Do not Be in a Hurry to Get Intimate: You may think this is going to help you build a rapport with him or you may want to impress him or out do yourself. Chances are that you would be still repulsed and assaulted with images of the other women he has been with. So, take your time before agreeing to get intimate with him again. Apart from this, you should also remember the health implications.
Show Him Unconditional Love: For the mere fact that you are still in your marriage right after knowing your husband is cheating on you is enough proof that you truly love him and you are committed to making the marriage work.
Therefore, love him unconditionally and shower him with attention. Remind him of how wonderful you both were when you recently married. Tell him how much the kids love and want to be like him when they grow up (especially the boys).
This would gnaw at his heart and may make him change at least for the sake of the kids.
Do not Mind The Other Woman or Women: Forget about the other woman or women as the case may be. Some women expend the energy they ought to have used to salvage their home fighting off the other woman. She is not supposed to be your business because if your husband had not started an affair with her, she would not have even been in the picture.
Instead of fighting her, channel all your energy towards making your husband turn a new leaf.
This singular act has caused a lot of women to lose their husbands outrightly. Their husbands in this instance who are already looking for an excuse would now claim she is being frigid and resentful and then seek for comfort and peace in the arms of the other woman.
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