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Why Nigerian Men Date But Don’t Marry Black, African American Women… Their Attitude Problem That Turns Men Off

nigerian men date don't marry black women attitude problem

Why Nigerian Men Don’t Like To Marry Black, African American Women. Their Attitude Problem That Turns Men Off

A piece by popular commentator Jacob Flow in response to US citizen Donna’s concern about her Nigerian boyfriend.

If you miss the report that brings about this post, please read it here.

Most folks just come here to say nonsense, the ignorant ones that don’t have no clue of what’s going on in their respective lives , wants to advise another person, Can a blind lead the blind.

The lady in question is crazy for coming to this forum to ask for advice.

Here in the US, they live the most miserable life style when it comes to marriage or infidelity, Donna needs to tell us how many baby daddy she has before meeting this brother and why she never got married to any one from America.

To hell with her citizenship, many of them end up in jail /shelter and government support with their so called citizenship.

She can marry him or go marry the American dude that will put hands on her, take her money and have another kids with another woman.. Its only when they dealing with a foreigner that want to claim Holier than Thou……She can keep her citizenship and remain single or get married… Today, seventy percent of African-American women are single. Unfortunately many of these sistas don’t understand it’s the little things they do that are keeping them from having a healthy relationship with a Black man. I feel if Black women had any insight into how they were acting they’d understand why they couldn’t find that “good” man who will want to share in a relationship with them.

Want to know why seventy percent of Black women are single?

Here are some of the reasons:

Negative Attitude

There’s always a storm cloud around a Black woman. Because she’s constantly down in the dumps she projects negative energy about herself. That negative energy makes people stay away from her and it erects a wall around her that keeps her from connecting with people.

Ironically it’s this attitude that keeps her from the very people she professes to want in her life like a good man. Most Black women don’t know that like attracts like and in order to get a good positive Black man, a Black woman must be good and positive as well.

Defensive body language

Because a Black woman is always on the defensive she’s always acting in ways to make people keep their distance. Crossed arms, crossed legs, haughty looks, are all signs a person isn’t interested in connecting with someone. What many Black women don’t understand is that expression of this body language is like erecting a brick wall in front of themselves turning away the very men they complain won’t talk to them.

Hostile demeanor

A Black woman rarely smiles. Her face is often twisted in a scowl or a grimace of disgust. These facial expressions make people turn away from someone and avoid them. A smile is a sign that someone is approachable. When someone smiles, it’s a sign that there’s a chance for friendship and possibly a personal connection. But when a person is always scowling or grimacing it’s a sign to avoid them.

Verbally abusive African-American women do not know how to be tactful. Instead of choosing their words carefully and being sensitive to people’s feelings, they often say things that insult or offend people. Worse, when Black women speak to people it’s with a harsh or a condescending tone of voice. Many Black women have been conditioned to behave defensively in all aspects of their life and they don’t understand that the abrasive way they speak to people keeps them away.
Emotionally abusive A Black woman doesn’t know how connect with men emotionally. Because she wasn’t raised understanding how to express her emotions to men she’s always on the defensive. And because she’s always on the defensive all of her expressions of emotions often come across as attacks. This alienates the men in her life and keeps them from getting close to her.

Never a kind word.

A Black woman rarely has anything positive to say about anything or anyone. They never tell the men in their lives that they’ve done anything good for them. Some don’t even say please or thank you. Little things like this are expressions of appreciation and gratitude. If a person can’t express their feelings towards someone they care about then how can they have a relationship with them?

Black women need to think about it this way: Would anyone want to come home to someone who always complains, is NEVER HAPPY, and NEVER SATISFIED? That kind of person is just GRATING and will DRIVE PEOPLE AWAY FROM THEM.

Unwilling to fight fair

When African-American women they argue with a Black man, they just don’t disagree, they hit below the belt. They launch into personal attacks about handicaps, unemployment, or other issues Black men having. These attacks hit brothers like fists, knocking them down emotionally. As they heal from their wounds they learn to keep their distance from Black women. Some are so emotionally traumatized from the abuse that they want nothing to do with Black women in the future.

Always has to get the last word in

A Black woman can never let a man cool down and go back to his corner when he decides to leave an argument. When a man is upset and retreating from the conflict, she follows him looking to get one last statement in. And when she does this, she goes in for the kill with low blows and cheap shots in an attempt to humiliate her man and make him feel worthless.

Sistas need to understand that sometimes it’s best to let a man walk away and keep her comments to herself.

Black Women Are Unsupportive

When a Black man wants to do something and asks a black woman to be there for him, Black women aren’t there to provide support at all. Instead of helping their men in their careers or even in their hobbies, Black women often put the needs of others in front of the needs of their partners. And no man wants to be a fifth wheel in a relationship where he’s supposed to be a partner.

When a woman doesn’t support her man it makes him feel like he isn’t being valued. And when a man feels like he isn’t valued by his partner he decides to abandon the relationship, either emotionally by disconnecting or physically by cheating.

Some Black Women Don’t Have Respect For Their Men

A Black woman won’t show a Black man the most basic of courtesies. She won’t introduce him to her friends and family. She won’t stand up for him when people speak bad about him. And a woman who won’t stand up for a man won’t stand with him in a time of crisis.

They Destroy and damage Their men’s property

When some Black women are upset with their man she’ll destroy his property. Cut up clothes, key his car, break his awards and keepsakes. By destroying his things, it’s a clear sign that she has no respect for him.

Mocks and belittles a man’s hobbies and interests.

Because someBlack women are narcissistic, they don’t see value in anything relating to what a Black man does. If a Black man has hobbies and interests that don’t relate to sating her ego (buying her stuff), she’ll mock them and belittle them as “stupid”, “childish” and a “waste of money”. Because she doesn’t see the personal value they have to him she mocks and insults them not knowing that she’s showing how little respect she has for him.

Mocks and belittles men in the company of her friends and family.

Black women are known to make fun their boyfriends and husbands when out with their girlfriends. Some are known to mock and belittle their men in front of friends and family at social functions!. These actions speak volumes about a Black woman’s character. How can someone profess to love someone in private yet show them absolutely no respect in public?.

This is the kind of public humiliation and emasculation makes a man feel worthless. It’s the kind of cruelty shows men that they aren’t respected, valued or appreciated. It’s the kind of behavior that drives men away from a woman into the arms of another woman.

Arrogant.

A Black woman often thinks she knows everything. She’s unwilling to listen to others or defer to another person’s knowledge, especially if it’s a Black man. Because she’s so proud she’d rather fail and be the “strong black woman” rather than ask for help from her partner, the Black man. Because In a Black woman’s eyes she is NEVER wrong and can NEVER be wrong.

And Because a Black woman believes she is NEVER wrong, she hides her flaws from everyone. That makes it hard for anyone to connect with her. What most black women don’t understand is it’s only when people understand they aren’t perfect that they can have relationships with each other where they support and care for each other.

Most Black women think they’re better than everyone else.

Black women think they are PERFECT and think everyone must come up to the level of pseudo greatness they imagine themselves at. They create unrealistic lists of criteria and think men are supposed to jump through hoops to meet their ridiculous standards. This is why they’re deeply disappointed when they try to pursue relationships with the opposite sex. No real person can ever be what they imagine them to be. Lady go marry your fellow American , why are you looking for a Nigerian in the first place.

Lady go think and know what you really wants out of life please and my advice to the Ignorant Nigerians, Kill your fellow brother without facts from both sides of the aisle… later you want to blame Buhari and Jonathan for your failure.

16 Comments

16 Comments

  1. Uzoma

    November 28, 2018 at 1:31 AM

    This is a precise assessment of Black American women. If they can at least possess 70 or 80 percent of character African women have, coupled with their good shape ( many of them) they will make good wives.

  2. Jiq

    November 28, 2018 at 3:14 AM

    Three Gbosa . May you leave long and never stumble. Well said flow float floating……..

  3. uzoma

    November 28, 2018 at 3:30 AM

    Kudos to this writer. What do you say of a society where a woman will have children and their fathers are different; a society where you have a girlfriend or wife and before you know it she is pregnant for another man? Only about 10% of them make good wife material.

  4. Israel

    November 28, 2018 at 8:21 AM

    Hmmmm all this statement are all true because I was once married to an Africa American oh my God I can’t forget that true love I had for her will got married she was very happy suddenly she change she got pregnant told me about it then after some week she aborted the baby without telling me later came back to ask for forgiveness I forgive her. Always mess up my emotions and make me feel its her citizenship that her want that really makes me feel so disappointed must time seeing a woman that I love so much and got married to saying such a thing to me well I never still border about that I just keep loving her but until she came up with a divorce papers that was how a three years marriage end just like that. Do you till now I have not been able to fill the divorce document she send to me? Because I am so heart broken that I can’t even see myself filling that documents I can’t forget the emotional trauma you took me through it has affected me so deeply. So all you said was very right because I been with one before.

    • Star

      November 28, 2018 at 4:15 PM

      Isreal, pls get hold of yourself and move on with your life. Apparently, your African American lady has already moved on. Unfortunately, when Nigerian men marry a foreigner (African American, Caucasian etc), they tend to treat them better than they would treat a fellow Nigerian woman. With a foreigner, Nigerian men are more loving, romantic and attentive. They call them baby, honey, darling, sweetie etc. The Nigerian woman is called nwanyia, mama Nkechi, nwokem, enyi, mama olu etc. Not sure why but i hope someday, they would realize that …..

      • Kolapo

        November 28, 2018 at 8:02 PM

        LOL @ Star. Your comment is funny. Thanks for making my day

  5. lacrecia alamu

    November 28, 2018 at 10:36 PM

    Stop with stereotypes. This is definitely not true. Im totally opposite of this. Im courted by African and African American men. I know my worth. When God put his stamp of approval, i will say yes.!

  6. lacrecia alamu

    November 28, 2018 at 10:38 PM

    Totally not true. Please stop with stereotypes!!!! What a powerful force we will be if we unite and share ideas and resources.

  7. Jilo

    November 29, 2018 at 2:43 PM

    @ Israel that is one thing about Afro American ladies, when they are in love with you, you will think there is no love elsewhere but the moment they change their mind, Omo! you don Rogo be that ooo. They are not stable in terms relationship. They can break your heart at any time, that does not mean they did not love you initially but the reason why they are unpredictable or sudden change of mind is still a mystery to me. May be because of cultural background and how they were being raised. You need to move on and forget all about her. If you keep thinking about her, you are gradually initiating depression into your life and you don’t need that. By now, she has forgotten she had a relationship with you.

    You are not the only one in that predicament. I have been there and I know how it feels. Most of them know are only good for funs. Let me give you two example to corroborate your point. One happened to a friend of mine, he met this Akata as we always called them. They kick-off so well that even most younger ones are looking at them as role model. One day this girl just called my friend and told him it was over. She called him and said I don’t think I love you any more without good reason. That guy taught it was a joke, he tried to bring in many people who knew them as Romeo and Juliet but things were never the same again. That guy asked her what have I done wrong? she said nothing that she was just bored of their relationship. An African woman would never come out bluntly like that even if she doesn’t love you no more. She will at least apply little diplomacy at least by saying my parents do not approve our relationship.

    The other scenario happened to this Ethiopian Man. I knew him to be a cab driver, he was so in love with this Afro American woman and one day, this woman woke him up in the middle of the night and told him to go and buy her an Orange. The guy replied it will be difficult for me to get this at this time of the day and most of grocery stores have closed. He said wait till morning I will go and get this for you. She then replied, if you cannot get me this Orange tonight consider this relationship over with. It was just like a joke, that relationship ended there that night. Many people will be wonder why because of orange this woman threw away relationship of 3 years?. The answer is simple, obviously, she had met another man and wanted to get rid of his current boyfriend.

    My brother, what happened to you is nothing compared to what has happened to others. Just keep moving on and stop thinking you even met her. One good thing about African American women is they don’t hide their feelings. You can quickly detect if anything goes wrong. Our women can hide their feeling for a decade but for them, they will tell you straight forward. The first lady that I met when I first came here told me that she was not interested in marriage. She told me, why cant you get this into your thick skull that marriage is no no for me. She told do whatever you like to me. You can have as many fun as you want but don’t have it in your mind that I will ever marry you. Trust me, a woman has never told me that before. I was so surprised that back home, most women would want to stay after a prolong relationship but reverse is the case here. Sex is nothing to them.

    In conclusion the reason why most African men ended marrying African women even after having relationship with Akata is because most of our women still want to get married compared to African American women. Most of African American are not seeing marriage as a big issue. Only few of them believe in that institution. Most African men always ended up settling for the root women because they couldn’t get what they want from Afro American women. QED.

    • uzoma

      November 29, 2018 at 3:19 PM

      @Jilo, you are right on point.

  8. Melissa

    July 23, 2020 at 1:51 PM

    Wow! Racism against black Americans from Nigerians. All is a pretty strong word. You have no clue of the traumas black people have gone through here in America. If it were not for us fighting for rights here your Nigerian asses wouldn’t be able to step your ashy, dirty feet here n The United States.

    It’s amazing how you can come here and be so critical of us and can’t even make strides in your own country. You say we don’t respect. Well this stereotype of all black women in the US is disrespectful as well.

    That’s why the black Americans in office should not include Nigerians in our black agenda. And as a matter of fact I don’t classify myself as African American. I’m a black American. Nigerians are not a part of us. And this article confirms it. Stay with your own that’s fine with us. And FYI I don’t have a baby daddy and I’m a successful Black woman here in America. Oprah isn’t the only one.

  9. Funmilola

    December 9, 2021 at 10:37 AM

    Wow these statements are inflammatory, based on stereotypes perpetuated by miseducation, media’s agenda to demonize African American women, and to confuse the world. It is the African American women who made the ultimate sacrifices in the USA and saved our race. It is the Black African American women who championed civil rights legislation and movements that supported African immigration and immigration for all people of color around the globe. It is the Black African American women who are the most educated people in the USA. It is many African men who are married to AA women in this country and have successful marriages. It is unfortunate that America has waged war against the Black family unit. The destruction of the Black family became America’s agenda after the civil rights movement ended in 1968. It was the financial resources of intact Black families that financed the civil rights movement. The US government vowed this will never happen again, and it hasn’t. Black families were dissolved through mass incarceration of our men and made women the head of the household disrupting the natural order of Black families. The extreme high level of single parent household guaranteed economic instability and therefore no financial means to continue the fight for our God given rights. I am married to a Nigerian man, a very good man. We are good to each other. When staying in Nigeria I see a lot. Women who are always cheating on their husbands for money. Having children for other men while their husband’s believe the children are their own. The whole entire world wants to disgrace AA women, ask yourself why.

  10. Mrs Smith

    December 29, 2021 at 1:59 PM

    Wow! This article is horrible. It is full of stereotypes to believe all African American women behave this way. It’s a very ignorant article. It would be like believing the stereotype that all Nigerians are deceitful and scammers. That Nigeria is a horrible place don’t go visit and the men all have multiple wives and beat them. Stop with this nonsense. You have good and bad women from all places in the world. Not all African American women behave this way.

    • Indigo

      May 15, 2022 at 5:52 AM

      Mrs Smith,

      You are so correct on all pointe.

      To Nigerians ón thís forum who generalize:

      African American Women are being demonized a réason. We cannot be broken. South Korean, Indian, European men are marrying ús and doing great.m. They Love our strength and do not try to rule over ús, yet they know how to exude a Kind mánliness .

      They Love that we can take care of ourselves. We are the First to the streets to protest the murder of African American Men and our brothers from Africa. Nigerians, if I had payed attention to people telling me not to marry My Nigerian Husband because he is most likely a scammer, I would have missed out ón marrying My very best friend, the Love of My Life. There is Nothing we can’t talk about. I am learning Igbo and he is very proud of me. His parents and family Love me, and I Love Them. Nigerians, YOU of all people, who have been branded so severely as scamners, thieves, Your women who marry for money not Love, and have their Lovers on the side, and children unknowingly to Husband is most often not his. These are the exaggerates awful things said about Nigerians. Do You know, why African American Women make every effort to ignore warnings? It is because we experience, as You have, the same generalizations. There are Good and bad in every race. I don’t see You speaking of the two White women who killed their Nigerian Husband’s within a week of each other. Too many African American Men and Nigerian men have one big problem. They always publicly in the face of the World put their women down. Nó matter what a white Woman does, and we all know they are easy to bed, You never see a white man pitting down the entire race of his women nó matter what they do. “ Some “ of you guys will teach a white Woman Your language, Your ethnic secrets, but will never take the time to teach Your African American Wife. NOTICE how I said “Some”. My Nigerian , Husband is happy his African American Wife is so curiosus, and wants to make him very proud of me. Do you know anything of African American history besides the crap the News wants you to see? There are way too many AMAZING African American Women, for YOU to generalize. You do know Nigeria has the worst reputation in ALL of Africa. That Lagos Airport is literally the devil’s Portal. Does that make every Nigerian so awful. Inspite of the awful things said about African American Women, I will say I really Love Nigeria, and Nigerian people. You have Your country, Your indigenous languages, and customs, the Igbo, Yoruba, Hausa. Instead of putting down African American Women, clean up the government you have, that is marginalizing people who are not of that ethnic group. You know what I mean. Nó matter what you think of African Americans in general, we have come further than any people who started out in America. We are literally the only People who did not ask to be here. Why? Because of tribalism we were sold into slavery by our African brothers to the White Slavers!! We have our traumas but look what WE have done against ALL odds. Africa/Nigeria do you ever think GOD is punishing you, Africa for Selling Your own people into slavery? Yet we forgive you and still you are arrogant. You are always looking for something to put ús down. Akata you call ús. I hear it’s meant to insult ús. PLEASE don’t let ús go there! You need to studyvAfrican American History because believe me I have a library of African and African American History. Instead of continuously trying to put ús down, with the Baby daddy’s. At least African American women are honest about it. “Some” Nigerian men who believe they are the Father of 5 children are probably the Father of 2. “Some “ Nigerian women marry for money, and make Love to the man shé really loves, conceives his Baby, but tells her “Husband”. “My Husband we are pregnant again”. That Baby aint yours!! Don’t generalize about African American Women, when you have serious slick problems with Nigerian women. Bad attitude and Sassy mouth is at least honest!! . Sweet demeanor, always “My Husband, “My Heart”, “PLEASE”, and you Nigerian man, are taking care 3 of 5 children that are not yours. Guess what? The way some of you treat Nigerian Women, I don’t blame them. Watch it!! Réal Men know how to calm ús down. Most Nigerian men are spoiled by Your Mothers. Your sisters know how hard Life can be as a Girl, because they are raised to serve the men, Father and brothers. They see their Mother’s beaten, and shé says nothing and the sons just sit there. Some Nigerian Men are disillusioned by thís. Do you think that is normal? In America, you put Your hands ón an African American Woman, do you really think shé will just stand there? .Go tell lies about her bad behavior because you can’t tell Your guys, that shé hit you in the head with a pot for putting Your hands ón her!! So now shé is evil. I say to any man and Woman before you marry, while dating in the friend stage of Your relationship, discuss the things that are intolerable, how you both will resolve issues, and how to keep problems that can be worked out between you both, keep to yourself.. Some things, with exceptional of abuse, should be between you and Your Wife. Many things are resolved with kindness. Too múch pride between a Husband and Wife is not Good. To Nigerian Men, American Women in general Love Affection and appreciation just like you. STOP generalizing. Do you know there are more White people ón welfare, White women with multiple daddy’s to children than African Americans? You will never believe that. More comfortable for you to believe a huge lie. As I said, White men will never allow any system to disgrace their women. Easier to make the World see African American Women in the worst light. We are literally the words of Poet Maya Angelou. …. We walk as though we have diamobds between our thighs…. You May put ús down “But Still I Ríse”.

  11. Keithel Oji

    March 7, 2022 at 4:48 AM

    I am appalled by this article. Very disrespectful and ignorant. Black women are strong, beautiful and the most educated minority in the USA. We bond are families and are very supportive to our men. Stop judging us off of a short few. We are worth loving and fighting for! Black women are the pillars in the black family unit and work hard to keep things together. We should be celebrated!

  12. Indigo

    May 15, 2022 at 2:36 AM

    To generalize, demonize ALL African American Women thís way is extremely hurtful. To say we are not support I’ve is a lie. All we do is support, and rarely given Credit. In Case You have not noticed African American Women are the First to the streets putting our bodies in dangerous to fight for Black Men even though they often mistreated ús. We are women, living in a country that puts everyone against ús. I tell You thís. If You, Nigerian man is living in the ÚS when the shit hits the fan You better Hope it is an African American Woman by Your side. We are Warrior Women because we must be. Understand ús, Love ús completely, hold ús in Your arms when we get out of Control. YOU are the man. Maybe some African American Women give You a dose of how You treat Nigerian Women. Akata, that is what You call ús. YOU come to America being arrogant already believing You are better than ús. You are nó better than You are in Nigeria, missing up to White People and gladly be eating especially Black Women . You are so dumb You don’t even realize White women send their women to Your country to soften the country up, for the next colonization of Nigeria. YOU have the nerve to talk trash about ús. It was Your IG óra cé, Your tribalism and Green, that helped the WHITE MAN , by Selling Your OWN people into slavery!! Don’t FUCKING call ús Akata ór whatever the F*ck You say, with Your tribalism mentality!! ARROGANT ASS!! SO BUSY TRYING TO PROVE TO WHITE PEOPLE YOU ARE NOT LIKE ÚS!! Because African American women will not allow you are any man to walk all over ús, like you do Your Nigerian Women, you think You have a right to bádh ús. YES we leave our men when they are abusive. YES we know how to use words to say you won’t abuse me and think I will stand there, and Then cook Your ass Dinner!! YES we will leave you with iúr children. Keep teaching White women Your language while telling Black American Women , there is nó need to learn it!! Arrogant Fool!! There ARE nó people like African Americans!! We are the ONLY race in a White man’s country, stripped of our language, religion, who survive, and turned a White man’s land around, to educate ourselves, get our rights, and we still have challenges. Nigeria, Africa, one of THE most corrupt countries, governed by the MOST corrupt government, where tribalism still marginalizes millions, 5 churches ón the same block, getting rich from Charletans taking what money poor Nigerians have. TAKE care of Your own disgraced before Your ass comes after African American Women little boy, who thinks he is a man. Being a man is not how you treat the women in Your own country!! WHAT? Did you think an African American Woman would stand for that shit? Your male counterparts are lying ón African AmericanWomen to save face. There are honest Nigerian Men who do Love Ús Completely, and have learned how to Love ús. It has nothing to do with money, age nor Social standing. Your false pride Nigerians, always cón in ing yourselves you are better than anyone, instead of being honorable equal. The ÚS makes it extremely hard for American Wives to bring their Husband’s here because of Your country’s scamming reputation among both men and women!! By the way, Di m, Obim, is Nigerian and I Love him like nó other. He is wonderful to me, and I am wonderful to him. Thís crap you are generalizing about African American Women, I am sure the White men in America are Thanking Your Uncle Tom ass for being a flunky. African American Women are THE most unprotected women in the World. Last count, there was 95,000 of ús missing . Do you ever, as both African American and Nigerian Men think about the generational trauma. Keep thinking Oyinbo women are kinder than Nigerian ór African American Women. Keep saying ón IG in front of Nigerian Women you want a White Wife. Are you that stupid!! Do you know why the World believes a White Woman is top sheilf eventhough they are the easier women to “sex” in the World? It’s because whatever a White Woman does, the White man will NEVER put down ór disgraced his whole nation of White women. In all my yesrs I have never read one time where any White man has generalized about his nation of White women, knowing they will easily bed Black men. They protect those women’s reputation at all costs. What do African American and Nigerian Men do? They geberalize a whole nation of women as being nó Good. White Women have ALWAYS been protected, by African in the Motherland and in America during slavery up to now. During the demonstrations when year gas was thrown, plás tic bullets fired, Black and White women were running. The News Camera showed two not one Black man carrying a White Woman to safety because shé was crying. Then the Camera showed African American Women running trying to eile test gas from their eyes and nó man helping them. We were protesting the death of a Black Man who was murdered by police. Who helps ús. When White Women are raped it’s a big deal, but not for African American Women. Does ANYONE even consider that we are living every day traumatized. The irony is when we go to Nigeria we Love it. We Love any part of Africa because for many of us our should have been misplaced. We do want to come home before we die!😭😭😭 We feel happiness when we develop friendship with Nigerian Women. We have more in common than we think. We are women often misunderstood, and not Loved MD protected enough because everyone thinks we are so tough. Writing thís makes My heart a he. For me, I Love So Very Múch My Nigerian Husband and He Really Somehow from the very beginning fill now has always known how to Love me. After reading all of thís, I will make sure these awful behaviots never enter our marriage, May God Continue to Bless our marriage with Kindness, Patience and an abundance of Love.

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