October 29, 2017 – I Lied To My Fiance That I Lost My Virginity Because I Was Raped… How Do I Fix It
Dear Aunty Temilolu, I lost my virginity 10 years ago and I am 20 years old now. I am in love with a guy who has proposed to marry me and I’ve been lying to him that I lost my virginity because I was raped. I was never raped. What happened was that my mother left us and ran away when I was six years old and I had to go and stay with my grandma. She brought in a distant relative to stay with us. I was too young to know that the lady was a prostitute. She was always taking me to men who would “play with me”. One day, a man “used me” and I saw blood coming out of my vagina. I didn’t know what it meant till I got to form 2 in secondary school when I learnt more about virginity. I cried so badly as it hurt me deeply.
However, I gave my life to God at 16 and He’s shown me great love. But right now, I am still grievously hurt by my childhood experience. To worsen things, my guy insists on knowing how many men I’ve slept with as he’s a pastor and wants to be sure he’s not getting married to someone who has been passed around. I find it very hard to tell him all what happened as I love him very much and don’t want to lose him.
You didn’t tell a lie. Penile penetration of a child aged 12 years and under is automatically rape whether the child believes they consented or not. No matter what you said, what you signed, how you responded, how your body reacted a child of 12 years and under cannot give consent to sexual interactions with anyone. We all have different attitudes to issues of life. You may not want to let him know what you went through in your childhood. In the first place, true love doesn’t care about the past.
However, if a spouse-to-be insists on knowing some certain information about the woman he’s spending the rest of his life with, it is very foolish to lie about it. It’s better to speak the truth than for him to find out in future when you are married. If it’s a grave issue, it could land you into serious trouble and God may not appear on time because you turned your back against Him by lying in the first instance. If you speak the truth and the man refuses to go on with the relationship/marriage, then expect a super man – many times better than him as a compensation from God as long as you’ve re-traced your steps. However, you must forget the past.
The past already happened; perpetually living there does you no good. Learn as many lessons from that occurrence then let it go. You will never be able to change it, however, you need to live in the now. Most often we feel a lot of anger towards someone for something they did to us or for their failure to do something for us. Or one of or both our parents treated us badly as a child. Whatever the reason, we are unforgiving and that precisely is the reason that a past event can engross our mind to the exclusion of other thoughts. That is unhealthy mentally unless we learn to forgive and free ourselves. If your mind is clogged with bitterness and you keep feeling guilty and sorrowful, how can you see what God has planned for you and enjoy the goodies?
My darling, at 20, I think you are too young to be choked with man-trouble. I am very sure you have not even discovered yourself and yet to be done with your studies. Be happy and wallow in the wonderful opportunities you can have from God since you’re friends. Concentrate on your destiny and the best men will run after you if this one decides to leave you. Let this experience set you up to be a better, stronger, smarter person now.
Now here’s a bear hug to you and other sisters who are haunted by their past and labelled all sorts…hmmm. I hope I was able to squeeze out the pall in your heart? Wipe your tears…smile. Now clap for yourselves because you are starting on a clean virtuous slate. Hip, hip, hip…hurray!
Apostle of Chastity
I invite you to follow me on facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO (not Temilolu okeowo girls club or TEMILOLU OKEOWO Girls Club group).
Scam Alert: Temilolu okeowo girls club page and group as well as Temilolu cares for you are fake facebook accounts.